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What's Your Anti-Dope?

Phil.McKeer

Phil.McKeer

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
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Scumdoggia
For those of you BL'ers that once used/abused opioids but managed to quit, what have you used as a source of inspiration/replacement/coping mechanism? Do any of you have ZERO cravings and if so, how long did that take? How many times did you detox/hop back on/detox? What did it take to get you to decide to do it?

Doesn't matter if you went cold turkey, tapered off with 'done or bupe, or even if you're on long term replacement.

I personally believe that anyone can do it with the right amount of will power and dedication. For those of you that have, can you briefly share how you did it and continue to do it?
 
I guess my problem wasn't opioids per se, but I have abused them intravenously over extended periods and definitely had the the physical dependency part. My problem was more of a polydrug situation, and the biggest mental addiction I've ever had was dissociatives. Anyway, computers. Gaming, movies/series, forums, internet articles. I would immerse myself in them. Basically distract myself. I managed to become a extremely good at a certain game when I really put myself to it, and knowing you were among the top3 of millions other players was such a rush, and no way in hell could you achieve that while strung out and nodding. Distract the mind, forget the pain.

I've come to think that everything in life is a 'drug' in some way or another anyway. Love, money, power, knowledge, status, food, success, helping others... It's just the way we are wired and what rewards you personally. There are plenty of replacements for habits that are destructive to your life, the key is finding the right balance.
 
Thanks guys. My problem has always been that I "don't know what to do with myself" when I'm clean.

Anyone else wanna chime in? I'm on day 6 and feeling great, but...I don't know what to do with myself!
 
Do you have any hobbies or activities that you enjoy and can focus on, or meet regularly with other people to participate in something?
Play an instrument, go cycling, swimming, play chess or a round of golf or something?

I realised that i'd been kidding myself for years that i played better music stoned (on whatever).
It took cleaning up to realise that i'm far more focussed and inspired when i'm straight, which helps keep me on the wagon - especially the knowledge that people recognise that i'm so much sharper now than i was before; so much so that they comment on it.
 
What it was like: I was a chronic relapse type of junky. I abused morphine/heroin for about fifteen or so years with brief stints of sobriety mixed in. I also drank a lot, and shot a lot of coke. I too always went back after detoxing because I just didn't know how to live life sober, as I had been using hard drugs since age fifteen.

Why this time is different: I know myself better. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I take my medication as prescribed (long term benzo user due to panic disorder and OCD). I keep up on therapy which does a world of good for me. I also actively participate in my own life. This is incredibly important because while I was using I didn't progress emotionally or spiritually. I also take care of myself better ie. eating healthy, working out, and using proper hygiene (yeah I'll admit it, i do pamper myself sometimes)

What has worked for me to keep from/beat cravings: I will preface this by saying, cravings and using dreams are going to pop up randomly no matter how long you stay sober. I had one last night that got me out of bed at 3:30am in full blown panic attack mode. The difference is now I know what to do to cope with cravings. As an addict we are like carpenters with only a hammer in the toolbox (using). Pretty much all your problems look like nails. I have filled my toolbox with other helpful strategies. Meditation, breathing exercises, and playing the tape forward are just a few. I have found two hobbies I really enjoy. One is gardening. I have an herb garden, and a flower garden. It brings me peace to be in my garden. The other hobby is playing Lord Of The Rings Online. I have a bunch of friends in my kinship on there, and I enjoy playing with them.

What you should do about cravings: Think back to before you started using. What kind of kid were you? What did you like to do? Did you like art? Playing music? Sports? Whatever comes to your mind give it a shot. Idle hands end up using.

Lastly: I cannot stress enough the need as a recovering addict to help fellow addicts. It keeps your own recovery in perspective and seeing someone else in a different stage of recovery keeps it very real for you. Also, you get an emotional high from helping someone and feeling needed.
 
I was never addicted to opiates but I did get high on them and abuse them at times.

For me it would be exercise; but that's because as strange as it sounds I used to enjoy taking low doses of pharmaceutical opiates and doing cardio exercise like running, swimming laps, kicking around a football with friends.
 
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As far as things you cant do at a moments notice but can be something to spend money on. I like concerts. I also like shoe shopping. massage. Sushi. prostitutes. so many things honestly. I have found its not a lack of options its the overwhelming amount of options that I don't even realize are options.

This is one part of recovery I fucking suck at. Me and a buddy always asked what do sober people do? like it was some fucking mystery. A lot of it was willful ignorance. We didn't want to be sober so we found ways to be board so we could get high.
 
Confronting your own boredom and restlessness is probably one of the most underrated life skills. Everyone has to figure this one out for themselves. I've never really had to deal with boredom but restlessness is a constant problem for me. The older I've gotten the more I have started to re-introduce play into my life. Remember how as a kid you could be totally engaged in something that was just pure exploration and creative problem-solving? Maybe it was Lego building, maybe trying to make a bridge outside with little sticks....whatever it was, it came to you effortlessly and from within. To that end, I really urge you to find engaging ways to connect your hands, mind and spirit in activities that have no pressure to achieve, but are simply enjoyable to you. This could be anything from learning to cook at a different level to gardening or sculpting or playing an instrument.
 
Phil.McKeer said:
Thanks guys. My problem has always been that I "don't know what to do with myself" when I'm clean.

Anyone else wanna chime in? I'm on day 6 and feeling great, but...I don't know what to do with myself!
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Agree fully. In my case I feel like, "what should I do? Sit around and wonder if I'll crave? Maybe withdraw even when I've given it my best shot and think I can keep going?". You're off though and I highly commend you for that, I'm not but have rapidly decreased my oxycodone use yet I find that I spend more time sitting around waiting.......waiting for what?? To be sick when I could be doing something productive?

Anyway, excellent thread to start and I look forward to reading what everyone else said because the sitting and thinking is my biggest downfall right now.

Keep up your great work:)!!
 
crimsonjunk said:
The internet is my anti drug as the answer to almost any question is a search away.
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I DEFINITELY agree with this!! I can sit and read away and before I know it 3 or 4 hours passed and that's 3 or 4 hours "clean" for me:)
 
My anti-dope is cigarettes, food, friends and netflix. Making some sober friends is crucial - especially if all your other friends are still using. I was fortunate enough that none of my friends were using heroin and benzos (I was a secretive Silk Road drug addict) but it has still been very important having sober friends that help keep me accountable.

I hate to sound like one of those cheesy fuckers but meditation and practicing mindfulness has also been extremely beneficial. Staying in the present and just being is fucking great.
 
I suppose my "anti-dope" is my potential and finally recognizing all of the wasted time I spent furthering a useless cause (getting dope and crack) It would seem that the whole things started as a means for the g/f and i (we discovered opiates together after a year of being sober together) to relax at night and her to escape her problems. It spiraled out of control and we are finally starting to pick the pieces up.

The first time i got clean she didnt so I was still very involved in the life style even though i was clean becasue of her. We were still always getting dope and using it, at least she was i was smoking hard, and that went on for over a year before i gave up again because it wasnt working. This time though when i dove into hell i brought a tether line with me and pulled her out of hell with me, always will be regarded as the best decision i made.

We got on methadone and my antidope has become learning and mastering hard sciences and my new favorite phrase being "youll never see this in your life again" wondering how many times i have to say that until i feel that i am truly unique.

I will never forget how i had the realization. I was at a festival on acid and it was like i could see that chemistry was a way for a human to create something that otherwise would not have existed, lsd mdma literally any man made compound. I was given a gift that elevates me closer to God in that if i create a stable compound and leave it somewhere it is possible in the future and advanced civilization will see that and say "look at this compound its proof that intelligent life existed because this was made on purpose.

I know it might sound kinda strange but I could basically see that as my purpose my reason for existence I didnt want to be pitied for wasting myself potential I want people to go "i remember that guy from the methadone clinic, its a good thing he didnt OD look at all the good hes done for the world" Only because i feel like i am one of the few that maybe could. I feel like all the teachers that pulled my mom aside and said i was gifted saw something in me that is special and although the burden of potential can be great my mom crying "you were suppose to be the smart one you were suppose to be someone special how could you ruin your life" i can still remember the multiple times in my life that has been said to me.

But I would rather be burdened by the idea that I am not allowed to drift too much from my purpose and that i need to really really try to master sciences because I have to be one of the few that can do university learning at home as I independently learn so many things that I wasted the past 5 years with my "woe is me i cant get back into college i owe money and this and that" I should have spent it independently learning instead of drowning in my own created misery.

Science specifically chemistry will keep me off dope. I waste all my extra money on it now and i am for once infinately happier. I look at all that i have amassed in the name of science and learning in the 8 months of being clean and i cry. I cry because i never thought i could feel so fulfilled by an inanimate object and that i never thought i could get to this point after seeing rock bottom and i am being serious :)
 
@szuko. I was always told there is something special about that kid. The way I handle people I guess. I had a similar experience on mushrooms. I was deep into my addiction and just failed on subutex for the second time. I felt so hopeless. I ended up taking some cubensis and I had a stunning realization that I will have wasted the gifts that I have been given...my ability to help people, the way I can connect with people and understand just what they need to feel better...It all wouldn't matter if I died from overdose, which was pretty much looming on the horizon. It is amazing what a trip can do to reset your direction in life. I am studying psychology now. I want to become a social worker and specialize in helping children in abusive homes. I know I have the intellectual background to do more, but I think this is what I was made to do. My raison d'être.
 
^ It is amazing that it can work that way. That is part of the reason why i wish there were a way to make it so people who need a trip like that can get it. I wasnt expecting it to go that way it was just put into my face and i couldnt ignore what i was seeing happen it was like i could watch two paths unfold and although i could be happy in both outcomes it was obvious which one i always wanted for myself.

I feel like if people who needed it could have that experience maybe more people would come out the other end. It was difficult and make me really regret all that i did after getting financially booted from college all the time i wasted and how i let myself become someone i never wanted to be. It was the type of experience that i could block out from my mind if i wanted but it would bother me forever knowing i was given a choice and picked drugs, that is simply not who i am. It was the perfect time for it and it took 2 years to get it enacted but i never forgot what it was like to watch the sum of all my mistakes play out in front of me

I wish those who needed that could get it.
 
yo, higher power , gratitude for small things in life, meditation, exercise,diet, reading, an snri type of medication from docs if you have been self medication for depresion. I am just very gratefull for methadone and bupe...
 
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