What's Wrong?

[RareForm]

Twilight marks the moment of prayer, but is grace devoted to aspiration?
We thrive on capital and principal, so is invocation an excuse for desire?
Life centers on the immensity of our pockets, but leaves out the vastness of our minds.
Our focus is on our content, but redeemed from others,
We prevail in the world and watch them walk through the obscurity of poverty,
Deprived of sustenance and vitality, but our life is to satisfaction,
He'll say 'hallelujah' for good health, but spend more time wishing for commodity,
She'll sing 'hallelujah' for world peace, but direct more towards apparel,
All in the time it takes to self-indulge, others are getting weaker,
Strength is deteriorating in them, but we still crave more,
What's wrong with the world?
We have what we need and we live off what we want,
They have nothing, but we turn our heads and pull out our obsession,
With all the money in the world we can purchase our greatest desires,
Though we still lack the ability to conceive and sympathize,
Twilight marks the moment of prayer, but is grace devoted to aspiration?

 

[yakksoho]

I liked the flow of this, these things are often felt but usually expressed angstily rather than poetically.
The ending left me a little dry though, maybe tie it in to the 'what's wrong' theme echoed in the middle?
I liked the middle the best:

He'll say 'hallelujah' for good health, but spend more time wishing for commodity,
She'll sing 'hallelujah' for world peace, but direct more towards apparel,
All in the time it takes to self-indulge, others are getting weaker,
Strength is deteriorating in them, but we still crave more,
What's wrong with the world?

Great job man

 

[cherub]

intrique mind works with words in such amazing ways...

 

[ev0l]

deffinately the way of the world

 

[TiberCross]

 

[MrsGamp]

"Our focus is on our content, but redeemed from others,
We prevail in the world and watch them walk through the obscurity of poverty,
Deprived of sustenance and vitality, but our life is to satisfaction ... "

This seems pretty political - Marxist, in fact. Unlike most overtly "political" efforts it is attentive to form and has a consistent aesthetic.

Am I mistaken re the Marxist (or at least anti-capitalist) subtext?

There's logos, pathos and ehtos here ...

 

[RareForm]

Anti-capitalist, for sure.

Thank you so much for reading and your thoughts, MrsGamp.

 

[FixXxer]

What's wrong with the world?
We have what we need and we live off what we want,
They have nothing, but we turn our heads and pull out our obsession,
With all the money in the world we can purchase our greatest desires,
Though we still lack the ability to conceive and sympathize,
Twilight marks the moment of prayer, but is grace devoted to aspiration?

no words give the feeling i get from this justice... that or an essay... lets keep it to just .. because "a picture says a thousand words"

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Twilight marks the moment of prayer, but is grace devoted to aspiration?
We thrive on capital and principal, so is invocation an excuse for desire?
Life centers on the immensity of our pockets, but leaves out the vastness of our minds.
Our focus is on our content, but redeemed from others,
We prevail in the world and watch them walk through the obscurity of poverty,
Deprived of sustenance and vitality, but our life is to satisfaction,
He'll say 'hallelujah' for good health, but spend more time wishing for commodity,
She'll sing 'hallelujah' for world peace, but direct more towards apparel,
All in the time it takes to self-indulge, others are getting weaker,
Strength is deteriorating in them, but we still crave more,
What's wrong with the world?
We have what we need and we live off what we want,
They have nothing, but we turn our heads and pull out our obsession,
With all the money in the world we can purchase our greatest desires,
Though we still lack the ability to conceive and sympathize,
Twilight marks the moment of prayer, but is grace devoted to aspiration?

You need to post more of your stuff here, @Mysterier .
Fantastic read. I wanted to highlight my favorite parts, but this is my favorite parts.
And you tie it together so neatly at the end, beautiful. Don't hide your talents from us dude, we want more. :D

It makes me think of Bad Religion. The album Suffer. Best lyrics I've seen a band produce.
It's almost worth just reading the lyrics if the music isn't the right flavor.