Yeah we pretty much already agreed to it on the phone and she already knows its not actually alprazolam. I just.., hate sounding like the junkie who doesn't even know what he's taking and was having a momentary brain fart/panic attack. Sorry
And... I don't know, they are pressed bars. Advertised as 8mg equivalent of alprazolam. I dont know how true that is but I was satisfied with their potency and I have a moderate tolerance at least. I thought I was taking around 3 a day, its always little bits but frequently so hard to keep track of. I've nearly exhausted my bag of 300 in just a couple months so it may actually be a fair bit more than that.
With my last doc we did a successful taper. But at that point I was not quite as deep in and probably could have cold turkeyed. But i can't anymore. And if she gives me 15-20mg of diazepam, it practically will be cold turkey.
This doc is more strict than my last one unfortunately. I asked once before and she wanted me to go into the pharmacy every day to get it I said f that at these doses it wont be much more than a pl
bacebo so I'm gonna be bed bound for 2 weeks at least, no state for leaving the house. So one day I got kinda mad and called and said you're basically forcing me into trying cold turkey again and again which is dangerous. I need real doses and I need time to be in bed. And surprisingly, she was receptive. So we'll see how it goes. A year has passed since the last time I asked so maybe she trusts me a bit more idk.
The worst part of my withdrawal is always chest pain so I've realized this time I just have to quit caffeine and nicotine at the same time. Its gonna be rough.