I always have a hard time coming up with titles of my blog, but heres whats really going on with me atm.
got kicked out of the place that i was currently staying at due to my drinking and blackingout without knowing what i did the other night. the last straw was a few nights ago, i drank 11? steel reserve tallboys, and dropped some 2ci. needless to say i couldnt handle it. trippd my shit, and woke up the next morning with my roomate beating on my door telling me 'what do you think this is?my house isnt some fucking trap house, so pack your shit and get the fuck out', here i was still tripping pretty hard, and the look in his eyes were serious, i really couldn't make out any words besides 'are you serious?', then i started to clean up my mess, and he left. came back shortly later, then his girlfriend came over later. i still have no clue what i did that night.
few days go by with us hardly saying a word to each other, one night 2 nights ago, he knockd on my door while i was 'fake asleep', and told me that we have to talk. i'm like sure man whats up, so we go outside and he tells me that things arn't working out, and he wants me gone. getting fucked up the other night was the topping on the cake.
Imideatly my brain starts rushing in 'oh shit im going to be sleeping in my car again, brought back all those painful memories of shooting H nodding out n my car trying 2 sleep at a mc donalds parking lot, or where ever i found a quiet parking spot (hopefly had wifi). so i start thinking of oh shit what do i do? needless to say i couldnt sleep that night and had 2 be at work at 7am the next morning, work sucked that day, i couldnt stop thinking about what i was going to do and where i was going to lay my head that night. work dragd by slow as fuck, when i was off i went back 'here' and asked my roomate if i could stay for tonight and ill have my shit packed and ready to leave tommmrow. guess he said okay because we didnt talk to much after that.
so i went to my room started to pack all my cloths in black garbage bags, cleaned my room, and now thats all left is take the sheets off my bed and load my car up.
here it is the next day around 12pm, and i have work in 3 hours, no mins on my phone so i cant call anyone, was able to talk with a friend of mine and she said i could crash on her couch. which has saved me alot of racing thoughts and anxiety about where i will sleep, only downturn is she lives about 30ish mins away from work, and i also am wannted because of a failure to appear. so knock on wood nothing happens to me within my trips to her place and work eachday.
still feeling rough about all of this, feel like a fucking hopless pos that cant seem to get his shit togetehr. luckly i had a few friends that talked with me to keep me from doing the inevitable.
i dont know if she has internet, or what.. so this might be the last of me until something else happens.
well wish me luck with what i'll be doing and etc, and i'll talk to you all later,
ds
got kicked out of the place that i was currently staying at due to my drinking and blackingout without knowing what i did the other night. the last straw was a few nights ago, i drank 11? steel reserve tallboys, and dropped some 2ci. needless to say i couldnt handle it. trippd my shit, and woke up the next morning with my roomate beating on my door telling me 'what do you think this is?my house isnt some fucking trap house, so pack your shit and get the fuck out', here i was still tripping pretty hard, and the look in his eyes were serious, i really couldn't make out any words besides 'are you serious?', then i started to clean up my mess, and he left. came back shortly later, then his girlfriend came over later. i still have no clue what i did that night.
few days go by with us hardly saying a word to each other, one night 2 nights ago, he knockd on my door while i was 'fake asleep', and told me that we have to talk. i'm like sure man whats up, so we go outside and he tells me that things arn't working out, and he wants me gone. getting fucked up the other night was the topping on the cake.
Imideatly my brain starts rushing in 'oh shit im going to be sleeping in my car again, brought back all those painful memories of shooting H nodding out n my car trying 2 sleep at a mc donalds parking lot, or where ever i found a quiet parking spot (hopefly had wifi). so i start thinking of oh shit what do i do? needless to say i couldnt sleep that night and had 2 be at work at 7am the next morning, work sucked that day, i couldnt stop thinking about what i was going to do and where i was going to lay my head that night. work dragd by slow as fuck, when i was off i went back 'here' and asked my roomate if i could stay for tonight and ill have my shit packed and ready to leave tommmrow. guess he said okay because we didnt talk to much after that.
so i went to my room started to pack all my cloths in black garbage bags, cleaned my room, and now thats all left is take the sheets off my bed and load my car up.
here it is the next day around 12pm, and i have work in 3 hours, no mins on my phone so i cant call anyone, was able to talk with a friend of mine and she said i could crash on her couch. which has saved me alot of racing thoughts and anxiety about where i will sleep, only downturn is she lives about 30ish mins away from work, and i also am wannted because of a failure to appear. so knock on wood nothing happens to me within my trips to her place and work eachday.
still feeling rough about all of this, feel like a fucking hopless pos that cant seem to get his shit togetehr. luckly i had a few friends that talked with me to keep me from doing the inevitable.
i dont know if she has internet, or what.. so this might be the last of me until something else happens.
well wish me luck with what i'll be doing and etc, and i'll talk to you all later,
ds
Please remember that there's always hope though. Hold on to it and you can get through anything. Wishing you well and sending you lots of love. 