Sometimes I think I know and other times I have no clue as to what's really going on. I suspect that this shit going around is a direct result of biological/chemical warfare. At other times I think it's just the media fucking with us, but then how come the whole freaking world is affected? What is the real agenda behind all of this? There are times when I wish I could take a whole bunch of painkillers everyday (this thinking is not condoned by Narcotics Anonymous lol) until this shit is over. Why do I have this eerie feeling that this shit is not going to go away any time soon? I'm not trying to be negative, just realistic and I really hope that I'm wrong people. I've tried looking around on this site to see if it has gotten a lot harder to get drugs and I suspect that the answer is hell yes it is. This is what helps me to not pick up any painkillers, the ones I have stashed for emergencies only. I keep getting a mental picture of me running out of pills and having a hell of a hard time getting more dope either legal or illegal. That said, it's probably best for me to stay sober. I haven't been to any NA meetings for a month, as they are no longer available and haven't had any success finding ones online that I can go to. I work graveyard so it's times like right now that I am wide awake at 2:30am. It's ok. I'm not going through any heavy duty fear, despair, or sadness or cravings right now so I don't feel like I'm in danger of getting loaded. I can only imagine how much it much suck for those of you with a hefty habit and having a hard time scoring. I remember back in 2001 when I first found this site and many years after that how I'd keep coming on here and posting wild ass shit while I was on pills or tweaking. One of my assignments in my online school is to turn in a report of relapse prevention. It wants to know the top 3 people that I would get loaded with. The thing is during the last 7 years my main using friends have died, so that leaves me all by myself. The paper wants to know what are the top 3 places I'd get loaded at. The answer to that is I no longer have friends places to get loaded at cause they are all gone. So again that leaves just me in my place. I guess that sounds eerily like a quarantine situation, doesn't it? For what it's worth I like being clean, but wonder how you guys are holding up?
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