my life hasn't been easy these few weeks because i get so much pressure from my mum to do well at school. i have my exams in about a month and all my mum wants me to do is study =( we can't even have a proper conversation without her saying something to me about why i'm not studying blah, blah. she even said that she'll kick me out of home if i don't do good at school and go to uni =( it's just so unfair how she's controlling my life *sigh* sometimes i feel that i'm not good enough for her =o(
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Life Advice & Visual Arts
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What's going on in your life?
- Thread starter Sweetpea
- Start date
- Status
HYDRO_CHRONIC
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2001
- Messages
- 2,994
i tell ya what my life just doesnt seem to go the way i want it to ,i mean my mom cant pay her bills cause she took on so MUCH just to make me happy like gettin this computer,her engine in her car BLEW so she had to get a loan for another one and her RENT went up(to $500) cause she got a 25 cent rase and she counts on me to help out and i mind but i DO help as much as i can but i cant help all that much cause my anxiety slows me down from workin and gettin in to college!!
i just realy dont know what to do anymore,i dunno this is all i got to say right now
i just realy dont know what to do anymore,i dunno this is all i got to say right now
Sweetpea
Bluelighter
Things seem to be naturally improving..quite well actually. I am surprised at life and pleased that it can make me smile when I didn't really expect it. =P
I still can't start school but the goal is there and I'm paving the way. It seems that each time I do I end up going down a different route. Let's hope all routes point to good
Stephen is the newest person in my life, right now we spend a lot of time together and are developing a solid bond -not to mention I adore every inch of him Our strengths are complimenting each other we're cruising pretty nicely. He and I have been getting things done together and having a lot of fun.
It's funny to me how my life goes with the flow, taking a new direction whenever it seems to come up.
I've gotten a very good raise at work and things are working out nicely for me. I miss my friends, I want to hug everyone I love.
I feel so healthy, I have to remember to stay relaxed and rested.
how youuuu guys doin?
[ 28 October 2002: Message edited by: Sweetpea ]
I still can't start school but the goal is there and I'm paving the way. It seems that each time I do I end up going down a different route. Let's hope all routes point to good
Stephen is the newest person in my life, right now we spend a lot of time together and are developing a solid bond -not to mention I adore every inch of him Our strengths are complimenting each other we're cruising pretty nicely. He and I have been getting things done together and having a lot of fun. It's funny to me how my life goes with the flow, taking a new direction whenever it seems to come up.
I've gotten a very good raise at work and things are working out nicely for me. I miss my friends, I want to hug everyone I love.
I feel so healthy, I have to remember to stay relaxed and rested.
how youuuu guys doin?
[ 28 October 2002: Message edited by: Sweetpea ]
Furnace
Ex-Bluelighter
GRRRR!
i just lost my goddamned essay to a shitty server setup.
FUUUUUUCK!
i just lost my goddamned essay to a shitty server setup.
FUUUUUUCK!
Yay Pea! (BTW, have you moved? I have something to mail you and didn't know if you had the same addy! Let me know girl. )
I have been working so much overtime! It hit me that I only get five more paychecks before I move across the country, so I'm becoming a penny-pincher. It's kinda fun, especially since it's driving my roommate crazy. :D
I haven't given as much time to my classes as I should have probably, but since I've almost certainly decided to go after my PhD. instead of trying to get into medical school, I'm not nearly as anal-retentive about my grades. For a person who swore they would never succumb to pre-med disease, I really did. The last few years I have been near intolerable when it came to school. Always studying, constantly worrying about it even though I didn't say anything. Getting back to the research now, I'm remembering why I love science so much, and I feel more at home in a laboratory than in any hospital in the world.
I have dreams about California. It's like not even in my sleeping hours is my heart on the east coast anymore. It's so close to crunch time, we need to start packing in about four weeks, I've been cleaning out the house bit by bit, trying to consolidate everything. This coming week I'm going to my doctors and dentist to get all my records, and I mail off my college-transfer applications next week. I'm probably shooting myself in the foot by switching schools right now. I've been over it and over it, and no matter how difficult this is going to make it for me to finish my degree, I have to do this. And now is the time.
I've spent way too much of the last year putting obscene amounts of pressure on myself to NOT fuck up again. To move to SoCal, to do the things I want to do and live the life I want to live without doing something ridiculous to mess up my plans again. But then it started to hit me lately, the fucking up part? Sometimes it's the best thing that could ever happen to us. If I hadn't gotten in trouble last year, I'd be living in Charleston right now. And probably doing a lot of drugs, and not in school anymore - who knows? But now I'm going where I really want to be, and I'm doing it sober.
Reaching your goals is so much better after you've been through the worst shit you can imagine and come out the other side.
I miss a lot of people (Miss Pea). And I haven't been involved with the lives of the people I love as much as I would have liked. I hope they can forgive me for being an absentee friend. But I'm getting there, and I feel at peace. Such a nice place to be, really. And this time it doesn't feel like there's a catch, like something is coming around the corner to take it all away from me. I'm not nearly as scared of the future as I was a year ago, I'm actually looking forward to it.
)I have been working so much overtime! It hit me that I only get five more paychecks before I move across the country, so I'm becoming a penny-pincher. It's kinda fun, especially since it's driving my roommate crazy. :D
I haven't given as much time to my classes as I should have probably, but since I've almost certainly decided to go after my PhD. instead of trying to get into medical school, I'm not nearly as anal-retentive about my grades. For a person who swore they would never succumb to pre-med disease, I really did. The last few years I have been near intolerable when it came to school. Always studying, constantly worrying about it even though I didn't say anything. Getting back to the research now, I'm remembering why I love science so much, and I feel more at home in a laboratory than in any hospital in the world.
I have dreams about California. It's like not even in my sleeping hours is my heart on the east coast anymore. It's so close to crunch time, we need to start packing in about four weeks, I've been cleaning out the house bit by bit, trying to consolidate everything. This coming week I'm going to my doctors and dentist to get all my records, and I mail off my college-transfer applications next week. I'm probably shooting myself in the foot by switching schools right now. I've been over it and over it, and no matter how difficult this is going to make it for me to finish my degree, I have to do this. And now is the time.
I've spent way too much of the last year putting obscene amounts of pressure on myself to NOT fuck up again. To move to SoCal, to do the things I want to do and live the life I want to live without doing something ridiculous to mess up my plans again. But then it started to hit me lately, the fucking up part? Sometimes it's the best thing that could ever happen to us. If I hadn't gotten in trouble last year, I'd be living in Charleston right now. And probably doing a lot of drugs, and not in school anymore - who knows? But now I'm going where I really want to be, and I'm doing it sober.
Reaching your goals is so much better after you've been through the worst shit you can imagine and come out the other side.
I miss a lot of people (Miss Pea). And I haven't been involved with the lives of the people I love as much as I would have liked. I hope they can forgive me for being an absentee friend. But I'm getting there, and I feel at peace. Such a nice place to be, really. And this time it doesn't feel like there's a catch, like something is coming around the corner to take it all away from me. I'm not nearly as scared of the future as I was a year ago, I'm actually looking forward to it.
Sacrifice, balance and all those other details...
It seems as though there are to many things going on in my life and not enough things. My days are filled, no my days are over filled. I’d have to say that when I sit back and look at the big picture I’m very pleased with where I am. I mean I’m achieving, I’m moving forward, I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to do and I’m very good at them. The big picture looks great. However somehow, as of late I’ve found the details rather uninspiring. When you start to measure everything in wins and losses, in steps forward or ones backwards I think you start to lose site of so many of the benefits.
For the past year I’ve pushed myself forward at a feverous pace professionally and perhaps it was a matter of luck, or skill, or pure desire but I’ve found myself where I’ve always thought I wanted to be and it feels as though its all come at price.
Like I said; when you start to measure things in wins and losses you create a person criteria that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy for stress. Though it’s hard for me to admit (and though everything is going well) I can’t help but feel as though despite every effort that I make that one slip up, mistake or miscue is going to send me stumbling backwards and nullify these accomplishments I’ve put my all into achieving.
I’m driven and it’s a double-edged sword. The funniest thing of all (another moment of brutal honesty) is that I don’t push myself for the money and by and large it isn’t a motivating factor, it never has been. I do it because ultimately I have to prove to myself that I can.
As a result of all of these I think my social life has suffered a bit. I often wonder if this is a byproduct of making some of the sacrifices in life that you need to get anywhere or rather then byproduct of an obsessive personality and it’s inability to ever find equilibrium.
Socially I’ve also found myself almost feeling as though I’m stuck between two worlds. As though I’ve moved past certain people, places and things from my past. As though they know longer relate to me and as though I find little interest in revisiting the world in which they operate. And then there is this newer world of social situations and if I said anything more then I find them dull or uninteresting I thing I’d be giving them more credit then they’re due.
I don’t know...
I think perhaps I just need a vacation?
A few days without deadlines that I force myself to try to beat by as many days as possible, ringing cell phones at 7:00am, traffic jams, war room meetings or conference calls. I want to sleep in without waking up and forgetting what day it is, or what city I’m in. I want a few days without hearing about market trends, cash flow crunches or the effects of prices wars on an ever-slowing economy. Oh yeah did I mention without deadlines?
I think I just need a few days for me to enjoy the details and nothing else.
[ 29 October 2002: Message edited by: Dakeva ]
It seems as though there are to many things going on in my life and not enough things. My days are filled, no my days are over filled. I’d have to say that when I sit back and look at the big picture I’m very pleased with where I am. I mean I’m achieving, I’m moving forward, I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to do and I’m very good at them. The big picture looks great. However somehow, as of late I’ve found the details rather uninspiring. When you start to measure everything in wins and losses, in steps forward or ones backwards I think you start to lose site of so many of the benefits.
For the past year I’ve pushed myself forward at a feverous pace professionally and perhaps it was a matter of luck, or skill, or pure desire but I’ve found myself where I’ve always thought I wanted to be and it feels as though its all come at price.
Like I said; when you start to measure things in wins and losses you create a person criteria that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy for stress. Though it’s hard for me to admit (and though everything is going well) I can’t help but feel as though despite every effort that I make that one slip up, mistake or miscue is going to send me stumbling backwards and nullify these accomplishments I’ve put my all into achieving.
I’m driven and it’s a double-edged sword. The funniest thing of all (another moment of brutal honesty) is that I don’t push myself for the money and by and large it isn’t a motivating factor, it never has been. I do it because ultimately I have to prove to myself that I can.
As a result of all of these I think my social life has suffered a bit. I often wonder if this is a byproduct of making some of the sacrifices in life that you need to get anywhere or rather then byproduct of an obsessive personality and it’s inability to ever find equilibrium.
Socially I’ve also found myself almost feeling as though I’m stuck between two worlds. As though I’ve moved past certain people, places and things from my past. As though they know longer relate to me and as though I find little interest in revisiting the world in which they operate. And then there is this newer world of social situations and if I said anything more then I find them dull or uninteresting I thing I’d be giving them more credit then they’re due.
I don’t know...
I think perhaps I just need a vacation?
A few days without deadlines that I force myself to try to beat by as many days as possible, ringing cell phones at 7:00am, traffic jams, war room meetings or conference calls. I want to sleep in without waking up and forgetting what day it is, or what city I’m in. I want a few days without hearing about market trends, cash flow crunches or the effects of prices wars on an ever-slowing economy. Oh yeah did I mention without deadlines?
I think I just need a few days for me to enjoy the details and nothing else.
[ 29 October 2002: Message edited by: Dakeva ]
Sweetpea
Bluelighter
^
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I wish I could give you both a long hug. Both in my thoughts and admired so very much.
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I wish I could give you both a long hug. Both in my thoughts and admired so very much.
rock_lobster
Bluelighter
Life's going pretty well for me at the moment I have to say ...
I got back from backpacking around Australia and South Africa for the last year about a month ago. Very thankfully and with alot of luck I landed on my feet pretty sharpish and I'm now working for an IT-security company again. I'm working over in Scotland at the moment for the next few months which is a lovely place. Much cleaner than Dublin
If I had anything to complain about though, its lifes a little boring at the moment. I've moved away in personality from my friends in the last year believe it or not and I'm anxious about whats going to happen. I also managed to fall in love with the most beautiful girl I've ever met when I was away. Although we were seriously seriously close to one another, she has a boyfriend and I can't help thinking about her CONSTANTLY. But I'm happy god dam it!!!!
I got back from backpacking around Australia and South Africa for the last year about a month ago. Very thankfully and with alot of luck I landed on my feet pretty sharpish and I'm now working for an IT-security company again. I'm working over in Scotland at the moment for the next few months which is a lovely place. Much cleaner than Dublin
If I had anything to complain about though, its lifes a little boring at the moment. I've moved away in personality from my friends in the last year believe it or not and I'm anxious about whats going to happen. I also managed to fall in love with the most beautiful girl I've ever met when I was away. Although we were seriously seriously close to one another, she has a boyfriend and I can't help thinking about her CONSTANTLY. But I'm happy god dam it!!!!
Its pretty good. I have a clean home, food in the fridge, money in the bank and good friends. My mental health is excellent and my inner strenght is growing everyday.
Plus i have a couple of really good things to look forward to, it will be fun to see how those work out. Soon ill be able to use my goddamn car again, hope it stays functional this time around. Its a good car dammit, it should work.
I need to get a haircut though. Oh well, i feel just fine. Lifes is good.
Plus i have a couple of really good things to look forward to, it will be fun to see how those work out. Soon ill be able to use my goddamn car again, hope it stays functional this time around. Its a good car dammit, it should work.
I need to get a haircut though. Oh well, i feel just fine. Lifes is good.
Angelight
Bluelighter
In 20 days i am going to be normal again
well ive been out of the marines for three months now and i was sleeping on a friends couch until two days ago when i moved to tampa. been workin and drinkin with my friends but it seemes like my friends have a lot of stupid drama that i want no part of going on, which is why im glad im in tampa. im gonna start college in january and im psyched about that. need to start acting school as well soon. ive been progressing as a dj in leaps and bounds and i nw live 5 blocks from my favorite record shop. im so happy with m life i could puke and now that i have internet access again, hopefully i can rejoin this lovely community that ive been without for too long.
atri
atri
Sweetpea
Bluelighter
I'm becoming a lot more independent and self-confident
I'm thinking about getting a studio instead- I move December 1st. mmm decorating would be so much fun
I can't wait to be a teacher-I'm looking forward to spending most of my time with 6 year olds
I have such a love for life right now- People, Babies, Animals.
I'm really thinking of starting Yoga- it keeps coming up and it turns out the owner of the new shop downtown is a guy I went to high school with and he said he'd hook me up. Score
I could handle being alone right now-actually I think I need to be. Stephen and I have a good partnership-but he's just too much sometimes. He's a "that guy" in a lot of ways and I love him dearly but I need some peace.I think I just need my own time.
and the band plays on...
[ 11 November 2002: Message edited by: Sweetpea ]
I'm thinking about getting a studio instead- I move December 1st.
mmm decorating would be so much funI can't wait to be a teacher-I'm looking forward to spending most of my time with 6 year olds
I have such a love for life right now- People, Babies, Animals.
I'm really thinking of starting Yoga- it keeps coming up and it turns out the owner of the new shop downtown is a guy I went to high school with and he said he'd hook me up. Score
I could handle being alone right now-actually I think I need to be. Stephen and I have a good partnership-but he's just too much sometimes. He's a "that guy" in a lot of ways and I love him dearly but I need some peace.I think I just need my own time.
and the band plays on...
[ 11 November 2002: Message edited by: Sweetpea ]
^^^you're going to be a teacher????
My life is pretty much going the same, nothing extraordinary, nothing bad- just going. My bf and I are the same as usual. He is my whole world, and I don't know what I would do w/out him. I had a long talk w/ him yesterday about our relationship- more then I can say here- but it was good.
Job situation is the same- there is none. I had a really good interview last Thurs. It went really well. It was a panal interview and I knew all of them- so I was really able to be myself, and let my true colors show (unlike MOST of my other interviews- they are definately NOT my strongpoint). I have already been told that they are loking for someone with more experience, I wrote them a thank you letter statng all the reasons why I could do just as good a job if not better than someone with a little more experience than I. I really, really want this one- moe than I have ever wanted a job before. I put so much effort, time and passion into the interview and hopefuly it shows. I should know if I got the job by Tues.ish. I will definately keep you all posted.
My new little kitty is the love of my life- it's funny how I hate other peoples pets, but she is just the cutest thing EVER. She entertains me, she is soo funny- it's good since I don't really have anything else to do. :D
Money is really tight right now- it sucks my BF just changed jobs, and he is seriuosly FLAT broke- and won't get paid for 2 more weeks (first day was the first day of the pay period
). His base salary is half as much as his last slarsy and won't make any real money (commision) till he lands some accounts. It sucks cuz I have to pay for EVERYTHING, including some of his rent, and I don't have much myself!! 
I know he is good for the money though because he owed me $900 at one time (when I paid off his last car so he could buy a new one in March!) and paid it all back, slowly but surely.
It was nice to have a sober weekend last weekend. Blockbuster nights both fri and Sat. was all we could afford..... but it was nice. I felt so good I actually worked out both Sat, and Sun!! I don't know if I have EVER done that- but it felt great and I intend to keep it up. I seven weeks to lose 7 lbs fat before New Years!!
I'm just babbling now- thanks for listening.
My life is pretty much going the same, nothing extraordinary, nothing bad- just going. My bf and I are the same as usual. He is my whole world, and I don't know what I would do w/out him. I had a long talk w/ him yesterday about our relationship- more then I can say here- but it was good.
Job situation is the same- there is none. I had a really good interview last Thurs. It went really well. It was a panal interview and I knew all of them- so I was really able to be myself, and let my true colors show (unlike MOST of my other interviews- they are definately NOT my strongpoint). I have already been told that they are loking for someone with more experience, I wrote them a thank you letter statng all the reasons why I could do just as good a job if not better than someone with a little more experience than I. I really, really want this one- moe than I have ever wanted a job before. I put so much effort, time and passion into the interview and hopefuly it shows. I should know if I got the job by Tues.ish. I will definately keep you all posted.
My new little kitty is the love of my life- it's funny how I hate other peoples pets, but she is just the cutest thing EVER. She entertains me, she is soo funny- it's good since I don't really have anything else to do. :D
Money is really tight right now- it sucks my BF just changed jobs, and he is seriuosly FLAT broke- and won't get paid for 2 more weeks (first day was the first day of the pay period
). His base salary is half as much as his last slarsy and won't make any real money (commision) till he lands some accounts. It sucks cuz I have to pay for EVERYTHING, including some of his rent, and I don't have much myself!! I know he is good for the money though because he owed me $900 at one time (when I paid off his last car so he could buy a new one in March!) and paid it all back, slowly but surely.It was nice to have a sober weekend last weekend. Blockbuster nights both fri and Sat. was all we could afford..... but it was nice. I felt so good I actually worked out both Sat, and Sun!! I don't know if I have EVER done that- but it felt great and I intend to keep it up. I seven weeks to lose 7 lbs fat before New Years!!
I'm just babbling now- thanks for listening.
Deleted member 10878
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2000
- Messages
- 3,918
I am completely bored with my life right now.
I don't see myself in the future anymore.
I just wake up.. deal with the day.. and sleep.
And this cycle goes on.
Next semester.. I'm uncertain where I want to be. I want to get out of Greensboro. I'm wondering how hard it would be to find a decent roomie in Raleigh to live with so i can go to Wake Tech.. or find someone here so I can boost the GPA at UNCG...
That or live at home, with my darling parents... under their rules and stipulations again (yay) for another semester.. until Bram leaves, and my sanity goes with him.
I'm a fucking loser. I can't get a job anywhere.. don't know where else to look. I'm thinking of busting my ass with my music, (in choir and piano) and getting the hell out of here as soon as I can. Philly is looking cool... or Boston. The New england conservatory of music KEEPS sending me stuff. Even sent me a CD of their ensembles free with my application packet (cool!)
I am seeing myself singing more in the my future than playing piano. I am developing a love for dance and singing... broadway maybe? Its a start
Someday, the startripper's gotta let her red heart star shine... its been dim too fucking long.
I don't see myself in the future anymore.
I just wake up.. deal with the day.. and sleep.
And this cycle goes on.
Next semester.. I'm uncertain where I want to be. I want to get out of Greensboro. I'm wondering how hard it would be to find a decent roomie in Raleigh to live with so i can go to Wake Tech.. or find someone here so I can boost the GPA at UNCG...
That or live at home, with my darling parents... under their rules and stipulations again (yay) for another semester.. until Bram leaves, and my sanity goes with him.
I'm a fucking loser. I can't get a job anywhere.. don't know where else to look. I'm thinking of busting my ass with my music, (in choir and piano) and getting the hell out of here as soon as I can. Philly is looking cool... or Boston. The New england conservatory of music KEEPS sending me stuff. Even sent me a CD of their ensembles free with my application packet (cool!)
I am seeing myself singing more in the my future than playing piano. I am developing a love for dance and singing... broadway maybe? Its a start
Someday, the startripper's gotta let her red heart star shine... its been dim too fucking long.
Sweetpea
Bluelighter
^
| good to see you posting here
|
good to see you posting hereTHeRaVeToY
Bluelighter
in the last few days i've begun to feel stagnant. last night things started to turn... i got a bit tipsy and let my boyfriend pick my brain for about 4 hours. he asked me whatever popped into his head, and i got to ask him questions in return--it made me feel so much closer to him, and i'm glad i opened up the way i did. that's become a difficult thing for me to do in the last decade or so.
but things have just become blah again.
don't really know what to do about it, either.
but things have just become blah again.
don't really know what to do about it, either.
I'm enjoying being out and among people.
I appreciate all things that are not material;
I mostly enjoy observing and participating in all things that are human interaction.
Being able to affect others in my environments invigorates me.
I appreciate all things that are not material;
I mostly enjoy observing and participating in all things that are human interaction.
Being able to affect others in my environments invigorates me.
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