^rape fantasy is pretty easy - primal urge of wanting to be really dominated. Out of all of the BDSM sorta fantasies it's one of the healthiest to indulge. Rape of course is awful, but if it's roleplay then it's a fun but sick game. Never played it myself, hopefully never will, but I can understand it on a very basic level.
^rape fantasy is pretty easy - primal urge of wanting to be really dominated. Out of all of the BDSM sorta fantasies it's one of the healthiest to indulge. Rape of course is awful, but if it's roleplay then it's a fun but sick game. Never played it myself, hopefully never will, but I can understand it on a very basic level.
Not the same. I'm into pretty 'advanced', or however you wanna call it, BDSM domination but I don't understand the idea of pretending you don't want it and you're being forced into it. Yeah I mean great if people do it in the context of role-play if that'll stop them from actually carrying it out IRL, but I still think it's pretty fucked up.
Sorry, I didn't mean to abandon this after I wrote what I did.... In answer to rangrz....
For whatever reason, when I read erotic stories that involve non consent/reluctance it makes me really aroused. I have no idea why....I have no desire to be raped in real life, I find rape completely reprehensible. And yet, those type of stories really turn me on.
Now, I would find it pretty hot IRL if my husband acted out a scenario like that, but not all hardcore, just telling me what to do and stuff...I like to be dominated and I am with a partner who does not really get that, so maybe I crave it.
But if some strange guy ever came up and did anything to me like in the stories that turn me on, I would go apeshit. I have no desire at all to experience this firsthand. If I did a scenario like this with my husband, it would be consensual and therefore would not be rape....
So I don't know why the disconnect..... Really. It is a little repugnant to me to even be aroused by those types of stories in the first place....
^Yeah but like if you acted something like that out with your husband, would you pretend to be hating it/like you were being forced into it?
That's what I don't understand. There's a difference between wanting to be dominated and rape role-playing.
^Yeah but like if you acted something like that out with your husband, would you pretend to be hating it/like you were being forced into it?
That's what I don't understand. There's a difference between wanting to be dominated and rape role-playing.
Not the same. I'm into pretty 'advanced', or however you wanna call it, BDSM domination but I don't understand the idea of pretending you don't want it and you're being forced into it. Yeah I mean great if people do it in the context of role-play if that'll stop them from actually carrying it out IRL, but I still think it's pretty fucked up.
Yeah, like last night, I did this INCREDIBLE scene with Ms.G subbing to me, but it was never like even role-played non-consent or role played "do not want" on her part, nor role played "I want to make you suffer" on my part. IMO, I find that such a turn off...to me, the hottest thing is the voluntary power exchange and explicit desire for whatever activities are going on. Like, it's sooo hot to have someone trust you completely and to have them WANT you (or to feel that way towards someone when you're subbing) It's such a turn off to be with someone who is not enthusiastic, and to be "forcing" someone? Fuck no, I'd rather go fap by myself than be sexual with a person who did not want to be with me, or was not enthusiastic about being with me, for that matter.
@Jack...what's unhealthy about BDSM? There is nothing unhealthy about trusting your lover so much that you're willing to completely surrender to them and let them tie you up and do seemingly "hurtful" or dangerous things to you, because you have so much trust in them that you know they are not going to actually hurt you or do anything beyond what you want done to you, or not respect your safe word and stuff.
I think the key to it being healthy is that it's fully consensual, that the Top refuses to do anything that would be dangerous or actually hurt the sub, that the Top keeps monitoring their sub and stops, even without safe word, if they think the sub is tripping out/being pushed too much, and most of all, that's it done with LOVE (be that romantic love between people, or friendship love between FWB type partners, or even just basic love for another human being if your playing in a club with a new person.)
I can't remember if I have posted in this thread already, but recent comments have made me wanna throw in my two cents worth...
I agree that consent is the big thing here. I tend to lean more towards the sub side of things though I can be a dom if the chemistry is right and I'm in the right mood for it...and I am turned on by being blindfolded, restrained, roughed up a bit and treated like my role is to get the other guy/guys off. One of the hottest things I have done sexually recently was being tied to the guy's bed and blindfolded and him essentially using me for a couple of hours however he wanted to. The only reason I was comfortable with that though was that we had discussed limits beforehand and I trusted that if I gave any indication I wasn't into it he would stop (and he did actually stop a few times to check that everything was okay and to assure me that we could stop anytime I wanted to). That is a very different thing from fantasising about being raped, I think. Rape fantasies skeeve me out to be honest.
Looking at it from the other side...when I was in the US I hooked up with this guy who wanted me to be the rapist in his rape fantasy, and I gave it a go but I just wasn't comfortable with it. If I'm holding someone down and calling them names and fucking them as hard as I can and they say they want more, that's hot. If I'm doing the same thing and they're telling me to stop, it just feels creepy. Even though I knew he was just playing a role, there was still part of me thinking what if this is actually really freaking him out?? I ended up having to cut things short and leaving early, because I just couldn't get a solid answer from him as to whether this was just roleplay for him or if I was really scaring/hurting him...I don't think that's cool.
Yeah, like last night, I did this INCREDIBLE scene with Ms.G subbing to me, but it was never like even role-played non-consent or role played "do not want" on her part, nor role played "I want to make you suffer" on my part. IMO, I find that such a turn off...to me, the hottest thing is the voluntary power exchange and explicit desire for whatever activities are going on. Like, it's sooo hot to have someone trust you completely and to have them WANT you (or to feel that way towards someone when you're subbing) It's such a turn off to be with someone who is not enthusiastic, and to be "forcing" someone? Fuck no, I'd rather go fap by myself than be sexual with a person who did not want to be with me, or was not enthusiastic about being with me, for that matter.
@Jack...what's unhealthy about BDSM? There is nothing unhealthy about trusting your lover so much that you're willing to completely surrender to them and let them tie you up and do seemingly "hurtful" or dangerous things to you, because you have so much trust in them that you know they are not going to actually hurt you or do anything beyond what you want done to you, or not respect your safe word and stuff.
I think the key to it being healthy is that it's fully consensual, that the Top refuses to do anything that would be dangerous or actually hurt the sub, that the Top keeps monitoring their sub and stops, even without safe word, if they think the sub is tripping out/being pushed too much, and most of all, that's it done with LOVE (be that romantic love between people, or friendship love between FWB type partners, or even just basic love for another human being if your playing in a club with a new person.)
Bondage - what's not to like? That's healthy - yeah I agree with the trust and boundaries in it - I also agree it has to be completely consensual - it's good fun.
I love what I highlighted - so very true.
I have no problems with subbing and domming in relationships -as long as it's in the bedroom and nowhere else. Outside the bedroom I don't perceive it to be healthy if it's not switch or just equal - that's an unbalanced dynamic in a relationship and therefore not a healthy one, unless teh dom is helping the sub through exorcising the demon of being totally submissive, in order to rise a bit higher confidence/selfesteem-wise, learn self respect etc - I've personally done this with a few lasses.
I'm all into slapping, spanking, bondage, scratching, biting, strangling, dominating a lass (or fella) in the bedroom if they enjoy it, although to be honest I'd rather have it equal - I like a bit of a tumble, cheeky playfight, but I know that they will yield to me,before fucking together.
Except for the extremely careful application of strangling, which a girlfriend wanted me to do(unfortunately only ever did it with her, it was really erotic, loved the fact it helped her to have a massive orgasm) - all the rest is relatively light violence - usually immediately followed by light stroking - pain for pleasure sorta vibe- or slaps, spanks and biting just to get the endorphins rushing a bit.
Anything else more extreme violence-wise is a bit fucked up in the head - seriously - if it's harming your body, you shouldn't be doing it. I wouldn't call scratching so it bleeds real harm because it only cuts through a few layers of skin, mayb bleed etc, but it's not deep, and if attended to it won't harm your body, may leave scars but very small ones.
Sado-masochism - it's only deemed a normal kinky part of society, because that's the state of society that we are living in at the moment - sadists, and masochists - unhealthy social dynamic, leaking into the bedroom, through our damaged psyches.
It's not healthy to indulge in - I know from personal experience, and study of other's habits (including my own father) that it generally just perpetuates the psychology for SM outside of the bedroom/dungeon, to varying degrees - it's something that needs to be healed.
Fetishism and humiliation are another major few parts of BDSM that is unhealthy - I don't need to explain why, if you don't see it then, that's your own problems.
I know enough about it to understand everything about it, I did start getting into it about 6 years ago, but nah - I haven't delved deeper into it after stepping back and seeing how it works. A little bit of slap and tickle is one thing - full on interest in BDSM is not particularly healthy - especially viewing oneself as a dom or a sub. We're people, not polarities.
I agree with everything you said about it though - I just see that a lot of practices in BDSM are unhealthy - mostly the SM parts.
Outside the bedroom I don't perceive it to be healthy if it's not switch or just equal - that's an unbalanced dynamic in a relationship and therefore not a healthy one, unless teh dom is helping the sub through exorcising the demon of being totally submissive, in order to rise a bit higher confidence/selfesteem-wise, learn self respect etc - I've personally done this with a few lasses.
How about when it's only a certain way...like not Lording over the other person in a degrading or totalitarian way, but perhaps either making decisions/telling them what to do when it comes to things they happen to be borderline retarded at doing. (I dunno, like telling your S/O how to dress or making them change before going to an event if they have terrible style and look like a moron type of thing.) Or how about if they like having someone tell them what to do, not because they have low self esteem, but just because they find it relaxing and perhaps like the change if they themselves have to tell people what to do all the time at work. (Like me... I love having Ms.G take the lead and stuff, cause I get fucking sick of being in charge and having to work out every last detail and having the outcome of any given circumstance be mostly my responsibility...sometimes it's nice to be able to say "Well, yeah...maybe it was not the best decision, but it was *your* idea!")
I agree that causing non-trivial injuries is bad and not healthy, and that to me is true regardless of it's sexual or not...it's essentially self harm...
Humiliation and degradation is not cool either, and I think it's always imperative in a relationship that everyone is treated with respect, adoration and love.
Fetishism, I think it can be/frequently is kind of unhealthy, but it kind of depends on just how over-riding the fetishism is compared to everything else... like, I like to kiss Ms.G's feet and toes...but it's not like I'm there drooling over them and treating them as separate from her, or as an object... I just see it as "Oh hey! Another part of Ms.G that's really sensitive and highly innervated, and I think they're cute too, and I like the way she reacts to this, so I'm going to do a bit of it before I start kissing up her legs and nom her* I don't think it's unhealthy as such to do that...
None of the acts in the realm of stuff which is consensual and is reasonably safe is "taboo" or "not allowed" at least by my view. But not all of it is really a turn on, and a lot of it is kind of turn off. But a lot of stuff I do is taboo by usual standards, however I don't find hot for that reason, I find it hot for other reasons that vary by the act, etc.
How about when it's only a certain way...like not Lording over the other person in a degrading or totalitarian way, but perhaps either making decisions/telling them what to do when it comes to things they happen to be borderline retarded at doing. (I dunno, like telling your S/O how to dress or making them change before going to an event if they have terrible style and look like a moron type of thing.) Or how about if they like having someone tell them what to do, not because they have low self esteem, but just because they find it relaxing and perhaps like the change if they themselves have to tell people what to do all the time at work. (Like me... I love having Ms.G take the lead and stuff, cause I get fucking sick of being in charge and having to work out every last detail and having the outcome of any given circumstance be mostly my responsibility...sometimes it's nice to be able to say "Well, yeah...maybe it was not the best decision, but it was *your* idea!")
I agree that causing non-trivial injuries is bad and not healthy, and that to me is true regardless of it's sexual or not...it's essentially self harm...
Humiliation and degradation is not cool either, and I think it's always imperative in a relationship that everyone is treated with respect, adoration and love.
Fetishism, I think it can be/frequently is kind of unhealthy, but it kind of depends on just how over-riding the fetishism is compared to everything else... like, I like to kiss Ms.G's feet and toes...but it's not like I'm there drooling over them and treating them as separate from her, or as an object... I just see it as "Oh hey! Another part of Ms.G that's really sensitive and highly innervated, and I think they're cute too, and I like the way she reacts to this, so I'm going to do a bit of it before I start kissing up her legs and nom her* I don't think it's unhealthy as such to do that...
Rangrz,how is that not totalitarian or lording over a person? Guess it really depends on how you go about saying it to your S/O*shrugs*? But that aside,you knew of their fashion retardation when you got with them,they might not get it right with their first outfit,but thats no need to tell them what to wear. Compromise on the issues that are like this. However,if they are the kind of person that fall into your "or" category,then I agree,some people wish to be submissive and have others make decisions for them and will sometime do something borderline retarded just for you to dominate them. My gf,Giggles as I shall call her bc of a tattoo she has, is more of the submissive/follower type. I wouldnt really consider myself the dominant type really,at least not in the conventional means. I am subtly dominit and lead my S/O soft spokenly from the rear(no pun intended).It is nice to be dominated to an extent at times.
The extent of that domination has never reached S&M or bondage levels for fear of unintentional harm but mainly,it just aint my thing and is unhealthy if both parners do not fully consent(an S/O doing S&M just to satisfy you is not in full consent bc they are putting their bodies on the line to not receive any pleasure). Once again with humiliation and degradation,depends on whether the consent is mutual,full,and within limit. Sometimes this may be a persons way of respect,adoration,and love. IMO a couple should be able to read one another to tell if they are simply consenting out of respect,adoration,and love for you but are not really into an act. At this point,out of respect,adoration,and love for your S/O, an individual should give up their own wants and realize how special their partner is to be willing for anything to satisfy them.
Some fetishes are just benign and weird but as you said, how over riding/ controlling they are of a person is what makes it a fetish. As you said,its kind of like a "hey" kind of moment...not like she is giving you a footjob just where you can bust between her toes leaving her lonely and masturbating bc her feet are a seperate object and complete focus.
If it's genuine & from the heart I don't see why it wouldn't be a turn on.
I've had some ridiculous stuff. Being asked to spit on her, verbally abuse, restrain whilst telling her to 'shut up/be quiet/etc', slap aggressively, pulling hair, etc. But if that's what they like then it's a pleasure to see them enjoy it.
I'm far more subtle though if truth be told - but I've yet to find a woman who hasn't asked me for at least some of those things, lol.
I agree with you on that. its a turn on for me because your know your giving them what they want and see their enjoying it. dirty talk just makes the sex more freaky and better I mean come on who doesn't enjoy being naughty? now I've never called a man daddy but if I was asked to by that person then maybe I would cause sex is about pleasing your partner right? making love is just as good but if you never actually tried talking dirty you can't put it down until you actually experience it
None of the acts in the realm of stuff which is consensual and is reasonably safe is "taboo" or "not allowed" at least by my view. But not all of it is really a turn on, and a lot of it is kind of turn off. But a lot of stuff I do is taboo by usual standards, however I don't find hot for that reason, I find it hot for other reasons that vary by the act, etc.
