Whatever you do, don't trust anyone.

Doctors. Drug dealers. Lawyers. Significant others. Friends. Family. Strangers, even. They'll all let you down. They'll suck everything they can from you and promise things in order to keep stringing you along and sucking you dry... Then when it's time to deliver, poof, nothing. So I'm going to change they way I deal with the world around me. Everyone, by default, is a no good fucking selfish liar until proven otherwise. That's my new motto. I'm not a liar. I don't lie to people. I'm probably honest to a fault. I'm fucking generous to people. I'm nice to them. I give them shit. Everything I fucking say I'm going to do, I do. This sounds kind of schizo, but whatever, I've found it to be true. I've trusted people and they've hurt me. And it keeps happening, over and over again. I suppose some people haven't hurt me on purpose. I guess it's just hurtful when you're so insignificant to someone that they don't give a shit about promises they've made to you. Fuck it. Fuck you, fuck them, fuck me, fuck everyone.

It's every man for themselves, so be it.

 

"In darkness, even your own shadow leaves you"

 

We live in a world where friendships no longer carry the meaning that they once did. You add people you barely know, or possibly don't know at all, to sites like "facebook" and let them into your life and tell them all sorts of things about yourself. But in the past, real friends were distinguished from the losers because they'd just be there if you needed them. These days, it's very easy to make promises and never expect to have to keep them - and I'm sure many people do keep their promises - but you must've been hurt recently, and I'm sorry about that.

I hope you're better able to judge the liars, the thieves and the dishonest from the honest, the kind and the generous. Of course, one may still be a liar but also fundamentally a 'good' person: it's too easy to put people into a black-and-white box of "good or bad" and that's not the way people are; circumstances make for the accidental breaking of promises and such, especially with this kind of world where we're all expected to have hundreds of 'friends' online and offline and to spend all of our time taking care of them and sharing with them what we perhaps can't even afford to share..!

You must be a nice person. I'm glad you're honest. Don't bother with revenge, though: it's just ridiculous 'cause anyone dishonest has a head-start on you. Just let it go, learn your lesson that not all people are good, but please don't judge everyone as either black or white: the whole world is one giant grey area. I wish you all the best, and if you need any help whatsoever, sure, why not? Let's talk - I'm mostly honest to a fault, also! Though, in truth, I sometimes lie to protect people...

-Kerrigan,
Xx

 

Don Pistole and Kerrigan make valid points.

Rabidrabbit - please don't let the disappointments and losses of trusted people get you down too awful much. The statement that all people are inherently unworthy of trust is incorrect; not all people are unworthy of trust is correct. I like the way you write. It is not dishonest or wrong to identify, build, maintain, and cultivate standards for the people in your life. It is, assuredly a pinch point, in that there are some who won't make the cut. Setting reasonable boundaries and limits for toxic people and situations will assist you in cultivating and strengthening the relationships you wish to keep and nurture.

My best. Thank you for writing.

 

Kerrigan - Thank you for your wise words. It is very true that Facebook and other social media have redefined the word "friend". I was probably just especially angry and depressed when I wrote this, but is seems to have resonated a bit with some folks.

I've never been a "black and white" person but I just keep getting hurt over and over by people who are supposed to be more than just a "virtual" friend. My dad always taught me that your word is your bond, something old school like that, so if your word means shit, then you're not worth very much as a person... I guess I'm too sensitive sometimes.

 

Mariposa - Thanks for taking the time to respond to my blog entry. I'm working on trust issues in therapy, but they don't seem to be getting any better. There are indeed two sides to every coin... I usually just choose to see the bad side, if you will. My current opiate-induced haze has numbed me to those issues at the moment, but when I run out of drugs once again I'll be left to somehow figure out who is worthy of trust and who is not and why... Go figure.

Perhaps I put too much trust in drugs...