• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

What zone was I put in??

The friendzone exists - it is a rare box I personally put people into - either too old, too physically unattractive, or just not someone I would ever twice consider fucking or dating romantically - gals we grown up perceiving as sisters, women who are more insane than me, women who just clash with our personality too much etc etc...As I said though for me to put a gal in the friend zone is a rare occurrence - it's either done immediately, as time goes by and more information has been acquired or it JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN.

Mostly the third - most women I am friends with I would get intimate and sexual with at the drop of a hat.

This is just me - but I think I can say as a generalization us guys just love women...so friendzoning doesn't happen as often as it might for women. MAYBE - it depends on your personality and how important emotions/sexuality are to you.

Sounds like he needs to work on himself more if he is talking about you not fulfilling his "whole" - no other person can do that, only he can make himself who he is supposed to be, ultimately.

Stop talking about it with him, and act on it, as long as he understands you have feelings - if he is a good guy and is not interested, he will not use you. If he uses you - life and love lesson learnt, aye?
Clueless_gal said:
I have a question about the friendzone for women, since it seems so debated what it is and if it exists. Because if it does not I have no freaking clue as to where I was put.

I have been told I am a fairly attractive girl (I don't smoke, I work out regularly, I dress nicely and woman-ly, take care of my hair etcetera) by both guys and girls.

Some time ago I met a guy I was instantly attracted to. I mean, not in the sense of "well he's handsome" but in the way of "holy crap my world just stopped". I could not believe my luck when we actually hooked up (due to him inviting me out).
We had sex a couple of times over a couple of months time, did stuff like go to the movies, have dinners.
So far it seems like just you know, two people being attracted. But, after that I lost all clues on what the hell is going on...I have since been told by him that I am attractive, friendly, caring and sexy. That he was attracted to me and felt a connection when we met. And when I told him I had feelings both of love, warmth and friendship he told me they were mutual. But I have also been told now that I am not the woman who makes him feel whole, while also another time saying he felt like he could really be himself with me. On one hand he has admitted that he felt attracted to me, that I was interesting etcetera. But that we are perhaps "too similar" for him to want me. We do like many of the same things and have similar values. We hooked up a second time around as well after him telling me that it was not happening, (after him replying to a casual text with really hot invites) and then he went back to saying that it was not happening. So imagine my confusion here, and my heart has been smashed by this.

So where am I going wrong to go from a guy who finds me attractive and interesting to someone who describes me as a perfect woman when I talk to him but that it isnt happening?
And how the hell can I turn it back around?

He was the first guy I slept with - am I a conquest? At the same time, he wants to be my friend he says. And well, he has said that it might have worked out between us and if the situation was a little different when we first met (he was leaving shortly after) we would probably have become a couple. And he has at separate times told me it would probably have worked and it would not probably have worked. So I am completely at a loss of understanding.

At the moment I cannot do a thing about it since he is not single. But I would just like to know where the hell I was zoned and how to get back out if I had a chance? Because, after all this time and me going on dates with other people and having feelings for others, he is still by far the guy I have met who I feel the most for in my life. I know I have a tendency to be too clingy in the sense that I talk and discuss too much, but it is difficult when you meet someone whom you feel so strongly about and who gives you so many different signals it's like a morse code.

So yeah, guys? If we were both single at the same time; how would you (especially you who claim that men have no friendzone for women they find attractive) recommend me to do to elevate my chances?

I'm sort of thinking just to give it a rest (which, well, I do naturally since he's not on the market) and should we ever be single at the same time, just make a move. Would that be a bad thing?
Click to expand...
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
The friendzone exists - it is a rare box I personally put people into - either too old, too physically unattractive, or just not someone I would ever twice consider fucking or dating romantically - gals we grown up perceiving as sisters, women who are more insane than me, women who just clash with our personality too much etc etc...As I said though for me to put a gal in the friend zone is a rare occurrence - it's either done immediately, as time goes by and more information has been acquired or it JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN.

Mostly the third - most women I am friends with I would get intimate and sexual with at the drop of a hat.

This is just me - but I think I can say as a generalization us guys just love women...so friendzoning doesn't happen as often as it might for women. MAYBE - it depends on your personality and how important emotions/sexuality are to you.

Sounds like he needs to work on himself more if he is talking about you not fulfilling his "whole" - no other person can do that, only he can make himself who he is supposed to be, ultimately.

Stop talking about it with him, and act on it, as long as he understands you have feelings - if he is a good guy and is not interested, he will not use you. If he uses you - life and love lesson learnt, aye?
Click to expand...

He is a good guy, that much I know. I have just been and am confused by his actions and words. Now hes not single so Im not going to push it since that is just the wrong thing to do. He knows I have feelings, and for now I cant do anything else. And I love him, am attracted to him, but I also love who he is, but I already fear I have pushed him too much during all this time, so I owe it to him to give him space to let him live his life. Hurts like hell times a million though.

By the way, thank you for stating something that always makes me confused, the statement that "he/she makes me whole". for me, I just dont understand that. I always assumed that I must be whole myself and that I am attracted to other people because they make me feel nice, that I feel happy when I see that person, that I want to be intimate. But not that I am less than whole myself. So thank you for letting me know someone else thinks this way.

I have a question though. If you, and guys, as a generalization do not put women in the friendzone, and love women and am open to sleeping to them, what decides if you would be in a relationship with someone or not? Genuinly curious.
 
Last edited:
Clueless_gal said:
I have a question though. If you, and guys, as a generalization do not put women in the friendzone, and love women and am open to sleeping to them, what decides if you would be in a relationship with someone or not? Genuinly curious.
Click to expand...

I do think that there is that "friendzone". I have guys that I put in my friendzone and I believe that guys do as well. For example, my bf's best friend is a girl. While he knows that she is good looking, attractive, etc., she is only a friend. They've been friends for forever but never slept together, etc. Simply friends. He's never wanted more.
There are kind of "levels" in a way. The "friendzone". Then just "hookups/friends with benefits". Then "relationship". As for how guys determine what a girl is to them ... there are a gazillion different reasons! It depends on the guy, it depends on the girl, etc. I mean, of course there is personality, beliefs, looks, situation, feelings. Many more things but that's just what I can think of off the top of my head.
 
Clueless_gal said:
i dont know, but it is at least a path that is good. no matter what, I will be a more grown person, I suppose.

But I miss him every day.
Click to expand...

I understand. It always feels like this was the real deal this time, but just remember there will be so many other guys just as cool as him. Also seeing him less for a while will really help you move on from those feelings :)
 
Pagey said:
I understand. It always feels like this was the real deal this time, but just remember there will be so many other guys just as cool as him. Also seeing him less for a while will really help you move on from those feelings :)
Click to expand...

I know. Or well. I usually know, I mean, heck, I have bawled my eyes out over more than one guy in my day, being all dramatic and crying on a friends sofa for a week ;). But nothing like this one, where it doesn't matter if I don't see him for half a year and when I see him again I fall head over heels again, even if I have had crushes on lovely guys during that time. Which is, well, sad, annoying, tragically romantic or a mix of the above. I don't even understand myself really that I can feel this way for someone.
 
llama112 said:
I do think that there is that "friendzone". I have guys that I put in my friendzone and I believe that guys do as well. For example, my bf's best friend is a girl. While he knows that she is good looking, attractive, etc., she is only a friend. They've been friends for forever but never slept together, etc. Simply friends. He's never wanted more.
There are kind of "levels" in a way. The "friendzone". Then just "hookups/friends with benefits". Then "relationship". As for how guys determine what a girl is to them ... there are a gazillion different reasons! It depends on the guy, it depends on the girl, etc. I mean, of course there is personality, beliefs, looks, situation, feelings. Many more things but that's just what I can think of off the top of my head.
Click to expand...

Yeah. I guess it's just a bit weird to be (using that scale) put in a "friends-hookup-connection/attraction-I feel like myself and relaxed with you-I dont want to be with you"-zone. Especially with someone who you yourself fell for when he initiated it all.
 
You have received some good feedback, so I will reply from my own experience in the "friendzone". I fell in love with my boyfriend the day I met him, but for one reason or another be it life, our shyness (his words were "old fashioned"), etc, we did not start a relationship until 6 years later. One day, I just blurted "I love you; why didn't we ever get together?" and he had no idea I felt this way. Boys or men have a difficult time expressing their feelings too and it gets mixed. The only thing to do is tell him how you feel. If he rejects you, you'll have your answer and you can move on.
 
what if he cant give it? As I said... I have had all sorts of answers.

good thing I have a good life apart from my love life.

What also makes me feel like the worst person in the world is that his current gf is nice and sweet and so on and so forth and I just feel horrible for loving him, since I meet her every once in a while too.
 
Last edited:
play it by ear...think about him fondly, try not to think about him too often or you will be living in fantasy land. You are not zoned most likely. Just do your ting and he will come around again when ya both ready. When was the first time you slept together? I would suggest stepping your game up - read the kama sutra or sumat, make it a night never to forget next time you fuck him.
Clueless_gal said:
what if he cant give it? As I said... I have had all sorts of answers.

good thing I have a good life apart from my love life.

What also makes me feel like the worst person in the world is that his current gf is nice and sweet and so on and so forth and I just feel horrible for loving him, since I meet her every once in a while too.
Click to expand...

STop feeling horrible - we are our own worst enemies sometimes. You feel for him, accept it, and hold on if you think you love him and you could have something special, she will probably not last long if he loves you back...Hell you might even meet someone else in the meantime - that happened to me.
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
play it by ear...think about him fondly, try not to think about him too often or you will be living in fantasy land. You are not zoned most likely. Just do your ting and he will come around again when ya both ready. When was the first time you slept together? I would suggest stepping your game up - read the kama sutra or sumat, make it a night never to forget next time you fuck him.

STop feeling horrible - we are our own worst enemies sometimes. You feel for him, accept it, and hold on if you think you love him and you could have something special, she will probably not last long if he loves you back...Hell you might even meet someone else in the meantime - that happened to me.
Click to expand...

I know we're our own worst enemies sometimes... and I'm an expert at beating myself up over things, but I feel so bad about having so strong feelings for someone when they're with someone who I also think seems like a nice person. Would be much easier if she was not, but she seems very nice.

And yeah, I try not to overthink things. Not easy though. I know I love him, enough so to hope that he is happy where he is now. But it does hurt.
 
Clueless_gal said:
what if he cant give it? As I said... I have had all sorts of answers.

good thing I have a good life apart from my love life.

What also makes me feel like the worst person in the world is that his current gf is nice and sweet and so on and so forth and I just feel horrible for loving him, since I meet her every once in a while too.
Click to expand...

Hindsight is 20/20, that's for sure. :)
 
Clueless_gal said:
I know I love him, enough so to hope that he is happy where he is now. But it does hurt.
Click to expand...

that's cool - then anything between you 2 is a bonus. Expect the unexpected. DISLOCATION OF EXPECTATION. Also remember distraction is an obstruction to the construction. WHat I mean by this last one - instead of using other guys to distract yourself from him, either open yourself up to possibilities there could be someone out there who truly gets you and who you love better than him, or stop seeing other guys, read teks to make yourself a sex goddess, and also generally work on being happy without him or anyone else, then when you have him he won't have any reason to go away. Yeah?
 
WHy is it tricky? SOmeone who uses tried and tested techniques for a reaction, someone who cares if you enjoy yourself, someone who teases a little and takes their time, so you have multis or one massive edged orgasm, someone who's innovative, someone who mixes it up a little so sex never gets boring, someone who makes you feel sexy and turns you on so you jump their bones.

THat's a good lover.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top