What You Don't Know

[Ashke]

You don't know how hard I'm trying
You don't know how many nights
I've almost left for aimless searching
How many dawns I wake up wanting
How often I feel small
And weak
And useless
You don't know when I am slipping
When my thoughts reek of betrayal
You don't seem to notice
Ephedrine pills 'neath the sink
All the coffee I drink
Til my head is ringing
And my hands are shaking
And it's still not enough
Not enough at all
You didn't know that night we fought
And I jumped in the shower
Shaved my legs for the first time in a year
If you'd asked, I'd have said
I was going out to get laid
If you'd asked, I'd have meant
I'm going out to get high
But you only apologized
And I stood there dripping wet and furious
Robbed of an excuse
And I'm afraid of what you don't know
And I'm afraid of the days I'm blue
And I'm afraid of that old saying
Oh my darling, it isn't true
That what you don't know
Can't hurt you
~*~ Ashke ~*~
[This message has been edited by Ashke (edited 12 February 2001).]

 

[Pyro]

Honestly dear, you need a rest from that busy socal life. There needs to be solitude SOMEWHERE inside this crazy dream we live in.
Fight. Sometimes I have to growl and show my teeth (as the saying goes) and just remind myself...
I will not be pushed, and I will not fall.
I get the undertones
Tim

 

[Mellabopper]

ashke - wow this is a powerful piece. i'm still trying to figure out how to respond to this... but either way, good work

Mellabopper
------------------
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
"damn the man, save the empire!" - empire records
Corruption is key.

 

[honEbee]

Aske - i think maybe you should tell the person whats going on. I know its scarey but if they dont know they cant help. I hope that you are doing ok. I really dont know you but ive often thought about you since you stopped posting as much on BL. You're words are so expressive and touching. I think that no matter what youre going through you should know what a beautiful person you are and how much you mean to many many ppl on this board.

 

[Mr. Sticky]

Oh Ashke, I finally get to return the favor...
...I nearly wept for you. *hug*

 

[*SWeeT-e*]

Ohmygod...I have chills. And I know...
Hang in there, you have the strength within you to make it, it's there, you just have to find it. Over and over again, one day at a time. I have faith in you.

Much luv and *hugs* to ya,
~kimmy.

 

[cherub]

ashke,
one welcome back hun ! missed you greatly.
second, Your words are to indepth and such feeling it hurts. You make me want to hug you and make things better for you.
I know you have so much strength and wisdom in you.
love ya much hun !
------------------
" Stay with me just for today and let your soul come rest for a minute. "

 

[MiNiMoWs]

you are loved.

 

[ice-9]

very sad, very beautiful...
welcome back, i hope you find your peace.

 

[Mellabopper]

omg - i just re-read this and all of a sudden it just clicked with me. it gave me the chills and for real my jaw dropped...
great piece
Mellabopper
------------------
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
"damn the man, save the empire!" - empire records
Corruption is key.

 

[TheGrrringe]

Intense.. Deep... Pure... I loved it. You're an incredible writer! It was as if I could feel your words crawling under my skin, making each hair stand upright, because the situation is all too familiar to me, as well.
------------------
--The Grrringe
It's too bright outside...*scowling*

 

[EvoldicA]

I love ya sweetie. :/

 

[Aja909]

Nice Post!

------------------
*~"Yeah, last night I had a pill that was cut with cocaine, heroin, specks of platinum and pure gold, diamonds, ground up 100 dollar bills, raccoon poison, worm entrails, fairy dust, Folgers, chicken feet, duck bills, Jason Priestly's spermitazoa, 8-track Diana Ross albums from 1972-1974, cheeseburger rinds and condom wrappers."~*
"Why cant I live in a speaker for the rest of my life?"
~Kandy Kid Crew STL~

 

[Yoyi]

Hugz sweetie.

 

[LiQwidVibeZ]

******mad hugs for ashke******* *MuaH* Ive been through rough times myself feel free to email me if youd like to talk or download aim. It doesnt take long unlike icq which is taking forever. Just remember whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger....addictions, fears, rejection,loneliness, it can all be overcome hun. People can only help you so much but you truly have to help yourself and when a change is needed do everything in your power to take you the direction you want to go. I hope things are going ok for you. I really could be a therapist from talking to friends, the shit ive been through, Ive been there if your going through any kind of problem please email me. Id like to talk to you. ***SENDING GOOD VIBES YOUR WAY***
*Jessica*
Aim: liqwidheartbeatz
ps....come on download the damn thing.....youd have all kinds of peeps to talk to anonymously like me who have been there
nice poem but sad
Talk to you later.

 

[for_sho]

i loved your last lines "what you don't know can't hurt you" because it's very true... but if what you know hurts you, maybe you should let it out.
for_sho

 

[PixieGirl]

((((((((((ashke)))))))))
I know that you and I have only met three times but what I have seen of you I love. You are such a beautiful person inside and out and I don't want to see you hurting. If you ever need to get away from things do not be afraid to call on the people that will always be there for you. You can always take a trip to San Diego sweetie and Spencer and I will show you a good time! You are so inspiring to many people here on the board and I want you to know that you can always talk to me. I enjoyed the night that we were at Huxley's pad just getting to know you was great! I hope that you are feeliong better soon and that your heart stops hurting, I know how it feels and I am with you.

 

[Mellabopper]

i just read this AGAIN...
it seems that every day these words become more true to life for me...
thanks for writing and posting this...

Mellabopper
------------------
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
"damn the man, save the empire!" - empire records
Corruption is key.

 

[JadenEener]

Smile! I miss you! Follow your mind, and learn from your heart. Be strong. And keep your chin up. Communicate in whatever way is the best for you. Tell him what you are feeling and thinking. Email me anytime. I oh so dearly miss you. I am glad to see you post. Love you always, Renee

 

[xDymnd9x]

I've read this poem for the last 3 days pver and over again...not knowing what to say to you, or how I should even respond. It's so weird...I don't know...reading that...I know what you're saying..almost like I wrote it. I feel sick knowing that other people feel this way. Knowing oh to well what it's like. All I can really say is that I'm speechless, and wow...great job*tear*
Dymnd