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What would you do?

LilbabiC

LilbabiC

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 29, 2010
Messages
425
Location
In my own little world
This is the situation: I have been friends with this guy for the last 6 years. For the last three we’ve been getting together regularly to go out and we’ve had sex. He consistently called me three or more times a week. Then in October all of a sudden calls were less and less. I didn’t hear from him for over a month.
Then finally in November he starts calling almost every day. I kept my distance because I have feelings for him which I have never told him because I know that he’s not deserving of my feelings (obviously).

Now I read on Facebook he’s in a relationship. So I get upset and decide that I need closure and send him a text message (like a coward). I tell him; “That I won’t bother him anymore but for my own closure I have to say that you broke my heart”

Did I do the right thing? I’m not certain because I never told him how I felt about him to begin with. Maybe I didn’t have a right to do that.

What would you do?

I really wish that there was a switch that could turn off feelings. From this experience I have learned that emotions especially ones of the heart can’t be bottled up or they cause pain. Uhg, Now I feel like a teenager!
 
There's no right or wrong when it comes to expressing your feelings. I went through something similar not too long ago...and my God, the emotions drove me insane. Even now, I still stalk his Facebook when I'm bored. Just out of habit.

Well, what's done is done. You told him how you felt. Did you get the closure you were seeking?
 
Sounds like you were pretty wishy-washy with him and he didn't know what to expect so he moved on.

I kept my distance because I have feelings for him which I have never told him because I know that he’s not deserving of my feelings (obviously).
Click to expand...

Why wasn't he deserving of your feelings?
 
Yah I mean if you were basically just friends with benefits and not in a monogamous romantic relationship or anything, I don't feel like he did anything wrong - I understand it must really hurt for you but I think you should cut him some slack :\

I also second Effuzion's question.
 
i was just saying to a friend the other day that matters of the heart can convert the most stable level headed individual into a crazed asshole in seconds; its embarrassing but its true.

only you know the depth of the relationship you have with the person in question; and only time can tell what reaction will stem from your message as a result.

hopefully it will open the doors to communicate and give you the opportunity to elaborate further and truly express what you are feeling; and discuss the issue with them.

as difficult as it may be to not obsess over receiving a response please try and occupy yourself productively in the interim, as theres a possibility it may never come now that he has moved on.

...kytnism...:|
 
I don't think it is ever bad to tell someone how you really are feeling....as long as you don't obsessively text him or anything...

I have done similar things myself...it did give me closure and helped me move on. I guess it depends on your true motives.

Did you really just want closure or did you want to open the door to see if he might come back with something? I think it is important to ask yourself that question.
 
It may not have been "fair" for you to have sent the text, only cus you basically blind sided him..

I really do not know why people do stuff like this. If you really like / are into someone why not tell them.. It only leads to hurt and heartbreak when you do not speak what it on your mind.

I have been on the other side of this quite a bit. Some guy gets pissed at me when I start a relationship with someone "new" ect because they "liked" me. They never bothered to tell me and then get mad at me WTF? If they had bothered to make a move and talk to me many of them I would have dated.. It ends up being their loss..
 
From what you wrote it looks like you also sent him some mixed signals:
- if you missed his calls so much, you could have tried calling him (maybe he figured "I'm always the one who calls, she must not care that much" so he started calling you less and less)
- keeping your distance in November would then basically confirm his thinking that you must not like him that much

As far as the text, well it depends. If he did like you then you've just hurt him and put him in a shitty situation. If he never cared that much about you then you accomplished nothing.

I think that you should have started calling him more if you missed talking to him or at least talked to him and told him how you felt when he started calling you in November.

There isn't really much you can do about it now other than wait and see what happens. Maybe you'll meet some one new, maybe he'll decide to try again (if he does (and you still want him) talk to him about it, keeping your distance to protect your heart only breaks it even more in the end), maybe .....
 
kytnism said:
i was just saying to a friend the other day that matters of the heart can convert the most stable level headed individual into a crazed asshole in seconds; its embarrassing but its true.

only you know the depth of the relationship you have with the person in question; and only time can tell what reaction will stem from your message as a result.

hopefully it will open the doors to communicate and give you the opportunity to elaborate further and truly express what you are feeling; and discuss the issue with them.

as difficult as it may be to not obsess over receiving a response please try and occupy yourself productively in the interim, as theres a possibility it may never come now that he has moved on.

...kytnism...:|
Click to expand...

So true, some advice I needed and have taken on board... cheers kytnism
But so sorry LilbabiC but Illyria99 is so very right.... love sucks. :(
 
You could have said, it broke my heart when you abruptly stopped calling me.

I don't know if I would have personally worded it the way you did.
I tend to not allow people to think that they have the ability to hurt me.
 
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