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🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 What Was YOUR Nightly Fix? v. Smoking the Midnight Oil

80mg methadone
10mg olanzapine
Much weed, flower in bowls and joints, as well as some dabs, sandwich bowls and pen hits
Drinking on some Voodoo Ranger Imperial IPAs

Sitting here drinking the second of 3 of these tallboys, vaping nicotine and thc waiting on the oven to heat up so I can chuck this pizza in. 🍕
 
Kratom, clonazepam, orange juice and coffee … still probably feeling cyclobenzaprine from earlier.

I’m extremely nervous for my dentist appointment tomorrow morning. It’s one of the very last molars in the back. Then have to get everything (all teeth that have been fixed) checked in order to go back to the jaw doctor to get the mouth guard for night wear. Been having a really hard last couple days with flashbacks and night terrors. I’ve had kind of a set back with PTSD symptoms. (I’m so disappointed with … myself? with a bunch of things). I hope I can get my mouth open wide enough tomorrow and pray that I don’t start having flashbacks in the chair during the procedure.

Been isolating and freezing up last couple days. A huge part of me just wants to say screw it, disappear and descend into self medicating beyond what would be considered healthy. I want to run away from all this that seems too hard or almost sometimes impossible.

I hope what I wrote here wasn’t too much of negative for this thread but I’m just being completely honest.

I’m going to keep trying with all I got but feel extremely weak and scared right now.
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Kratom, clonazepam, orange juice and coffee … still probably feeling cyclobenzaprine from earlier.

I’m extremely nervous for my dentist appointment tomorrow morning. It’s one of the very last molars in the back. Then have to get everything (all teeth that have been fixed) checked in order to go back to the jaw doctor to get the mouth guard for night wear. Been having a really hard last couple days with flashbacks and night terrors. I’ve had kind of a set back with PTSD symptoms. (I’m so disappointed with … myself? with a bunch of things). I hope I can get my mouth open wide enough tomorrow and pray that I don’t start having flashbacks in the chair during the procedure.

Been isolating and freezing up last couple days. A huge part of me just wants to say screw it, disappear and descend into self medicating beyond what would be considered healthy. I want to run away from all this that seems too hard or almost sometimes impossible.

I hope what I wrote here wasn’t too much of negative for this thread but I’m just being completely honest.

I’m going to keep trying with all I got but feel extremely weak and scared right now.
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Can you take a friend with you tomorrow and be a bit more benzoed than usual? I think the anxiety about the dentist will have been making all of the everything else worse but it’ll be okay and once it’s over all the everything else will start getting better too.

I’m not normally on benzos but I can’t do the dentist without them. Hope you’re back to smiling soon ❤️

Just a wee bit of weed before bed for me today.
 
Shinji Ikari said:
Can you take a friend with you tomorrow and be a bit more benzoed than usual? I think the anxiety about the dentist will have been making all of the everything else worse but it’ll be okay and once it’s over all the everything else will start getting better too.

I’m not normally on benzos but I can’t do the dentist without them. Hope you’re back to smiling soon ❤️

Just a wee bit of weed before bed for me today.
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Thank you for your support @Shinji Ikari 💜
I’m going to take extra benzos for it and wear lucky bracelets (turquoise stone) and a lucky rock/gem that I hold in my hand to ground me. I’m going to go by myself because I have a hard time talking when I get like this (have to get better at that).
Gracias for your kind words amigo
Big hug 💕💜
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Thank you for your support @Shinji Ikari 💜
I’m going to take extra benzos for it and wear lucky bracelets (turquoise stone) and a lucky rock/gem that I hold in my hand to ground me. I’m going to go by myself because I have a hard time talking when I get like this (have to get better at that).
Gracias for your kind words amigo
Big hug 💕💜
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Extra benzo (not toooo extra now tsssssk ;)) and your grounding stones are gonna smooth this shit out to a manageable level guaranteed

When you're sitting in waiting room put your awareness into your feet, really becoming super-aware of the feeling of your feet on the floor...connected to earth, being supported by the floor, the earth. Just accepting where you are, not fighting it nor desiring to be anywhere else in the full and certain awareness that this miniscule part of your life experience will be over very soon.You've survived much, much worse. Keep curious, turn towards the difficulty with curiosity, kindness even. There's learning to be had from all experience. Bless up
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
Extra benzo (not toooo extra now tsssssk ;)) and your grounding stones are gonna smooth this shit out to a manageable level guaranteed

When you're sitting in waiting room put your awareness into your feet, really becoming super-aware of the feeling of your feet on the floor...connected to earth, being supported by the floor, the earth. Just accepting where you are, not fighting it nor desiring to be anywhere else in the full and certain awareness that this miniscule part of your life experience will be over very soon.You've survived much, much worse. Keep curious, turn towards the difficulty with curiosity, kindness even. There's learning to be had from all experience. Bless up
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Thank you so much @ageingpartyfiend 🌻💕
 
I really appreciate your guys support btw … in the morning I will read what you wrote again to help me remember what you said and get through it. Sometimes the little things can be big things (in a good way) and mean a lot 💜
 
Currently:
3mg Clonazepam (down from 4mg. tapering sure is fun)
10mg Dexamphetamine
Earl Grey Tea w/ sugar and a dash of milk

Hopefully soon to add Clonidine/Catapres to help with the benzo tapering :)
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
I’m extremely nervous for my dentist appointment tomorrow morning
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I hope it's all gone well!!!

Last night I took 225mg of hydroxyzine (Atarax), which continuously gives me a very similar effect to 1.5-2.25 grams of carisoprodol (Soma). Just got a half ounce of HHC in yesterday so that was in use, and the day had started with caffeine, bupropion, MDPM and a 2C-B microdose. Last night also included some etizolam tincture of an unknown (though low) dose since it's a vial wash. The tank to my etizolam box mod is completely stuck shut which is frustrating.

Recently acquired a bunch of DXM which has been fun to explore, and I've got a gram of 63% 7-OH crystal coming in, and I intend on turning it into lean almost exclusively. I've got somoe 8 oz jars and 12 oz squirt bottles, I'll probably store the jars in the minifridge and then put it in the squrt bottle before dispensing.
 
Esperighanto said:
I hope it's all gone well!!!
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Gracias amigo 🙂
Today went well, the dentist fixed the rest of my molars up. Just need a couple crowns over the previous root canals and then I can go back to the jaw doctor. He actually teared up as we talked about how far we’ve come. When I first met this guy I had broken teeth and could only open my jaw 1/4 of a centimeter … it’s been such a long journey since I broke my jaw and teeth … it’s kind of crazy (there were times I never though I would make it this far).
Esperighanto said:
Last night I took 225mg of hydroxyzine (Atarax), which continuously gives me a very similar effect to 1.5-2.25 grams of carisoprodol (Soma).
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Wow really that much hydroxyzine feels like Soma … muy interesante. I have so many bottle of hydroxyzine I have to stop forgetting about them lol. I’m going to take some with hydromorphone tonight. I quit hydro back in November because I was doing waaaay too much but my prima sent me just 40 of them so I’m just going to take them as a treat (and for pain obviously). But I won’t go back to taking 270 every couple weeks lol.
Esperighanto said:
Just got a half ounce of HHC in yesterday so that was in use, and the day had started with caffeine, bupropion, MDPM and a 2C-B microdose. Last night also included some etizolam tincture of an unknown (though low) dose since it's a vial wash. The tank to my etizolam box mod is completely stuck shut which is frustrating.
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Wow that sounds like an interesting mix. I don’t know if I could handle it like you do lol 😊

*I hope you can get your box open
Esperighanto said:
Recently acquired a bunch of DXM which has been fun to explore, and I've got a gram of 63% 7-OH crystal coming in, and I intend on turning it into lean almost exclusively. I've got somoe 8 oz jars and 12 oz squirt bottles, I'll probably store the jars in the minifridge and then put it in the squrt bottle before dispensing.
Click to expand...
Nice
I hope you enjoy
Big hug 💜
 
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