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What was your morning fix? v. All part of a balanced breakfast

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werd up pilly, i wouldnt even consider it if i didnt have a gigantic stash for peace of mind. and ty weekendy, the hard part is yet to come.

i did take my 2.5mg this morning and current plan is to have next monday be the jumping off point. really hopeful.
 
One bowl of cereal
Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
One cup of coffee, got to have that caffeine
One L&M Menthol Bold 100
And a bundle of heroin, intravenous.

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day... :D
 
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SirTophamHat said:
warning: off topic bullshit ahoy!!!

full story: ive been anxious my whole life. i remember having a severe panic attack when i was fucking 9 years old over a goddamn math problem in school. but somehow i made it thru school fine. when i was entering university i started doing way more drugs, cocktails all the time, and when i was 20 i had a supremely horrible panic attack that led to a celexa and klonopin combo. i didnt like the celexa but discontinuing one meant discontinuing both since the crackpot uni psych always prescribed the two in tandem. my roommate at the time had the same doc and meds and we just used the clonazepam recreationally and traded it all the time.

i got thru uni age 22 and until age 25 was fine without anxiety meds and to that point i never used them as rxed anyway. i got caught by LEOs with pills around this time and this led to getting a legit script from my awesome doc who would rather i got pills the right way instead of illicitly. by pills i mean benzos. i didnt wanna fuck up a good thing so ive been taking 5-10mg average daily for the last 2.5 years (im 28 now). sometimes i would take up to 30mg if i was really upset and the most ive ever taken was 55mg. ive never once run out ahead of time, usually because id substitute benzos for constant drinking on weekends, and then switch back come monday.

now that i have been using them for so long i feel like its time to either give up the crutch or resign to lifetime use. ive heard anecdotal evidence of permanent brain chemistry changes from long term use as well. i would like to quit benzos even though they help me for the same reason i loathe ADs, despite common sense telling me i should be on them. primarily, id rather feel pain than nothing at all, and secondly, potential side effects... admittedly less severe with benzos. there ya have it.

if my taper succeeds ill have a full gram of valium in reserve for emergencies and friendly giveaways. my opiate buddies love it when i shower them with leftovers.

tl;dr i survived most of my whole life without them, and i think i can do that again. benzos are great but at this point i think i can escape without major complications and it was good while it lasted. time for some suck-it-up syle willpower.
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Hey man, it's an admirable cause.

85mg Methadone

Cannabis

Strong Coffee

The (relatively) Clean Life
 
30 mg adderal
1mg clonazepam
7 600mg gabapentin

More later.

Oh.. ate huge hash oil cookie. yum! Have group tonifht and cant be a second late or im out. Missed my psychiatrist appt cuz I had thought I told the right person (counselor) shoulda told front desk lady. But the time late.. she called me when I LITERALLY was in front of the building. She still said nope/ they are strict there, man. I blame the drugs. For for real. This last relapse sucks. and my memory is suffering.
 
Nothing except stacking money hand over fist. And cup after cup of black coffee.

Hey, gotta pay for my drugs some way, right
 
coffeemilk and a sandwich

3 day weekend and nothing to do. i hope my car's title comes in the mail so i can get rid of it.
 
5mg oxy, 350mg soma, 100mcg alprazolam, 150mcg clonazolam, 120mcg etizolam

+ a dab of that Banana Green Crack shatter
 
the last swig of the sake i got yesterday... nice surprise to wake up to. fell asleep a little eaely i guess

and coffee, hot because im cold.

fuck you bitch benzo its been 48 hours and counting :p
 
Pibolar said:
Coffee and Kratom. Really been wanting some legit opiates recently.
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That was always the problem with kratom as an "opiate replacement"...it'd satisfy me to some extent but it'd also remind me of what it felt like to use other opiates...which I would eventually go back to over a long enough timeline. (Despite that, I still like kratom....all in all I feel that it's a pretty benign drug, unless you're in the minority of kratom users who gets kidney troubles from it)l

STH: good luck on your benzodiazepine discontinuation. It's liberating suddenly to become detached from a drug that you used regularly in the past (can be, anyway). If nothing else "drug holidays" are important (holidays FROM drugs, not holidays in which you use large amounts of drugs...although those are fun too ;) )

OT: nothing today but coffee
 
Burnt Offerings said:
That was always the problem with kratom as an "opiate replacement"...it'd satisfy me to some extent but it'd also remind me of what it felt like to use other opiates...which I would eventually go back to over a long enough timeline. (Despite that, I still like kratom....all in all I feel that it's a pretty benign drug...
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Yeah, I hear ya. I've never been addicted to real opiates, but I began taking kratom shortly after I started (ab)using a lot of hydrocodone (I had just got a good connect at the time), so it definitely did act as an opiate replacement. Kratom basically brought my use of those pills to a halt, which I should probably be grateful for. That was about a year ago, and now I'm addicted to Kratom instead, and my tolerance is way higher than I'd like, of course. Which makes my craving for real opiates that much stronger.

BUT, I need to get a job very soon (my brother and I are getting a place together in July). And seeing as most places require passing an initial piss test, I won't be satisfying this urge until after I acquire a stable job.
 
1tsp of Green Malaysian in my coffee before work. Usually add a 0.5mg clonazepam to the mix, but alas I'm out of those until this afternoon.
 
(Sorry to double post, edit doesn't work)

I totally agree with you guys ^ Kratom kinda does make me want to use real opiates. I always think to myself when I have a good buzz going, "this would be way cooler if I had some hydro or something..."
 
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