• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

TDS What was the lowest point in your life as a result of drug use?

You know what the crazy thing is? When heroin was actively doing irreparable damage to my future, I wasn't even getting dopesick. Even though I was using pretty often, I wasn't really getting those physical withdrawals. It was all a psychological mental obsession that I just couldn't seem to ignore.
 
The psychological mental obsession mixed with the physical withdrawals is enough to make you want to... do really bad things.
??‍♀️? none that I’ll admit to on here.
But honestly, I’ve done more fucked up shit in a benzo blackout than I have in my opiate addiction.
 
But I will say that a low point was when someone said to me “oh yeah? You do this shit because you love heroin more than me...”
And it was one of the only times I couldn’t lie and say no.... I love you more. Because they were 100% right.
 
Prison while I was continuing the university was very very bad. Then being unable to get my wife's speedballing under control when we were both addicted and using mainly IV cocaine & heroin. She overdosed a few times in front of me but she's still alive and drug free today. Those days, between my heavy addiction and the fear that she could die any moment pushed me to a very dark place. I still can't believe that I didn't kill myself. I fought this suicide thought for many years.
 
Last edited:
Back in late 2012/2013 I actively wished for death every day, and hated myself so much, because of 10 years of opiate addiction. I never lost my house or job or anything, I was highly functional. But I hoped to get hit by a bus. I fantasized about shooting myself in the head. My whole life was pain pretty much. That's as low as I've been. During that time I also did some shitty stuff like steal my ex's dad's bottle of oxys and replace them with tylenol (that was the worst thing against someone I ever did, he was sick and in pain, though he had free unlimited refills and told me he liked the vicodin better anyway, this was before the opiate crisis).
 
hmmm. losing a best friend over the small talk. i'd have preferred to have kept him in the picture but knew why he had to go. maybe losing former flame over something small, but he cracked it up to be a big deal, so everything seemed larger than life. shrug. at least they're both history. sadder to lose the best mate.
 
No fixed address....rolling butts....rooming houses (after being homeless - one butt I rolled was centimetres away from a dead mouse). The rooming house was worse than the street/sleeping in public places though.
 
Ending up homeless on the streets of Fort Worth for a year.Got hit in the head with a machete over a bad meth deal, almost died.Parents let me come home and now they're about to kick me out again over drug use.
 
cowardescent said:
For me it has to being threatened with homelessness and the police talking to me saying if I keep pawning off my parents stuff I'll end up kicked out on the streets or in prison and come out with a criminal conviction
Click to expand...
For me hitting 275 pounds while downing a bottle of fireball everyday, popping a whole script of Klonopin in a week and abusing adderall. Dark times.
 
Bo1992 said:
For me hitting 275 pounds while downing a bottle of fireball everyday, popping a whole script of Klonopin in a week and abusing adderall. Dark times.
Click to expand...

How did you even manage to eat? Alcoholics often just stop eating, plus amphetamines obliterate your appetite. Was it like an eating disorder or just general weight gain?
 
Sleeping on the sidewalks in Manhattan.

Shooting Dope and popping Benzos all day in a fog. It was a brutal way to live, having to hustle to get high everyday and get ao fucked up i didn't give a shit i was on the streets. Meeting my girlfriend changed my life, finally was able to get a job again and get my shit togther.

Well for the most part I'm still addicted to Opiates but at least i work and stopped playing with needles and stamped bags. When i start using IV quickly i say fuck everything and everybody, im getting more by whatever means is necessary. I was a savage out there for years.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
How did you even manage to eat? Alcoholics often just stop eating, plus amphetamines obliterate your appetite. Was it like an eating disorder or just general weight gain?
Click to expand...
A little bit of both. I was drinking a lot like a 750 ml bottle a day on top of eating regularly was probably the main cause of the weight gain. I was so depressed at how fat I was the adderall did little to curb my hunger.
 
Bo1992 said:
A little bit of both. I was drinking a lot like a 750 ml bottle a day on top of eating regularly was probably the main cause of the weight gain. I was so depressed at how fat I was the adderall did little to curb my hunger.
Click to expand...

Oh, I get it. Alcohol calories are weird. I was drinking 3600 calories a day in wine and yet was losing weight. I did also have an eating disorder, though and literally did not eat for 14 months (alcohol contains sugar, calories and all of the minerals necessary to sustain human life).
People with depression tend to either overeat and oversleep (usually mild or moderate depression) or undereat and be unable to sleep (severe depression).
While I've never been really overweight, I understand how low being (or FEELING) fat can make you. At one point I even purchased water on the dark web that was contaminated with amoebic dysentery (my parents caught it and stopped me).
How are you doing with your weight and addictions now?
 
allowing men to fuck me without a condom for an extra 30 quid. saying yes to almost anything cos i learned if you said no they'd do it anyway and you just wouldn't get paid for it, so it was either that or losing the punter.
 
imfrmthedot said:
I would have to say last year when I attempted suicide via intentional overdose. Also the days when I would carpet surf looking for drugs that weren't even there, snorting lines in public restrooms., experiencing hardcore stim psychosis, those are some of my darkest.
Click to expand...
glad to hear that you weren't successful on that one. Definitely can relate to the carpet surfing, I don't miss that desperation.
 
Mixing too much and realising Ive mixed stuff that could of killed me if I had been lighter or smaller person and having to go to emergency room and then telling your parents the next night
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top