I have a friend, a really realy good cherished friend, who a coupleof years ago, took me out to dinner, and had a great night out, and satme down and explicitly told me that this was the last time i would hang out with him, as he had tried everything he could to either help me with my drug use, help me quit, deal with it, live with it, cope with it, etc, and finally he was giving up, saying the only thing he could do that would make me take notice was to end the friendship. It was pretty devastating, as anyone has lost a partner from a "its the drugs or me" ulitimatum. I always thought i would quit if it got that bad. turns out i was wrong.
Im about to go into rehab, and really want to make contact with him, knowing i could, a number of ways through mutual aquaintances and wait for a reply.
But im not sure if i should, should i fuck up again and not get into rehab in the next few days. (the paperworks done, my names at the top of the list, ive paid, but ive gone this far and gone on a "one last hurrah bender" and fucked up the rehab oppurtunity completely before)
And i did just wait to after rehab to contact my friend, im not sure how to go about it. I found that last time i got out of a long term rehab, and was well and truly in recovery and living a great life, some, but not all friends had this funny way of treating me like a little child. taking this teacher-student role, where they felt compelled to tell me all this really (condescending to me anyway) stuff. Im sure a few people here know what i mean.
Its funny cause my family didnt, they were 100% happy to have me back again. Im close with my mum and sister, and my dad is almost catatonically hurt. (he hates drugs, and dole bludgers. he values work and good friends and financial security above most things it seems, the fact his son is a drug addict on welfare is too painful to comprehend i think, so there is a funny ritual that goes on when we meet. not looking me in the eye etc. hell come around though.)
I look at a lot of my friends though, and see that they have moved on. there in a different place to where im at. I cant explain it, but it feels like Im there, but not really there when i see them. It feels like im living life with a prophylactic of sorts. Not really interacting in a meaningful way anymore.
The thing is, When i go and visit my sister, and meet her friends in a different state somewhere, Some who know my story and others who dont, I get on really well with all of them. I make new friends easy, who are really genuine. I would love to just move to another place and start another life like this.
Sure life changes thru the ages, and many are having kids, buying houses, marrying etc. Its funny to see how some have become completely changed "family man" types, while some dont even talk about there new kid(s), some of them living in entirely different countries altogether(tho still together with the mother). More amusing is watching some of my friends become exactly the things they hated there parents for doing/being. It is rare, but we can sometimes get together over a campfire and talk about our lives together over a few beers. share cherished memories, in ways i always imagined doing.
The last couple of years of using has really been on a different level though, leaving me homeless and with trackmarks, bad teeth among other things. I dont like seeing people i know in public anymore. Im sure a few friends dont really like associating with me so much anymore. Ive damaged all my friendships a LOT. So...
Im just interested to know what happens next? What are peoples experiences?
what makes a good friend? when do you say goodbye?
Im about to go into rehab, and really want to make contact with him, knowing i could, a number of ways through mutual aquaintances and wait for a reply.
But im not sure if i should, should i fuck up again and not get into rehab in the next few days. (the paperworks done, my names at the top of the list, ive paid, but ive gone this far and gone on a "one last hurrah bender" and fucked up the rehab oppurtunity completely before)
And i did just wait to after rehab to contact my friend, im not sure how to go about it. I found that last time i got out of a long term rehab, and was well and truly in recovery and living a great life, some, but not all friends had this funny way of treating me like a little child. taking this teacher-student role, where they felt compelled to tell me all this really (condescending to me anyway) stuff. Im sure a few people here know what i mean.
Its funny cause my family didnt, they were 100% happy to have me back again. Im close with my mum and sister, and my dad is almost catatonically hurt. (he hates drugs, and dole bludgers. he values work and good friends and financial security above most things it seems, the fact his son is a drug addict on welfare is too painful to comprehend i think, so there is a funny ritual that goes on when we meet. not looking me in the eye etc. hell come around though.)
I look at a lot of my friends though, and see that they have moved on. there in a different place to where im at. I cant explain it, but it feels like Im there, but not really there when i see them. It feels like im living life with a prophylactic of sorts. Not really interacting in a meaningful way anymore.
The thing is, When i go and visit my sister, and meet her friends in a different state somewhere, Some who know my story and others who dont, I get on really well with all of them. I make new friends easy, who are really genuine. I would love to just move to another place and start another life like this.
Sure life changes thru the ages, and many are having kids, buying houses, marrying etc. Its funny to see how some have become completely changed "family man" types, while some dont even talk about there new kid(s), some of them living in entirely different countries altogether(tho still together with the mother). More amusing is watching some of my friends become exactly the things they hated there parents for doing/being. It is rare, but we can sometimes get together over a campfire and talk about our lives together over a few beers. share cherished memories, in ways i always imagined doing.
The last couple of years of using has really been on a different level though, leaving me homeless and with trackmarks, bad teeth among other things. I dont like seeing people i know in public anymore. Im sure a few friends dont really like associating with me so much anymore. Ive damaged all my friendships a LOT. So...
Im just interested to know what happens next? What are peoples experiences?
what makes a good friend? when do you say goodbye?
