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What to do?

I

I.miss.you.phoria

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 21, 2016
Messages
49
I met this guy 3 years ago. He told me he was a few years older than me, truth came out two years into the relationship he is 22 years older than me, and in his 60s. He told me he was single, but turns out he was married (unhappily) with grown kids. I'm the same age as his oldest child.

I sound stupid, but he looks great for his age, was fit and active and fun. He admitted his many lies. He had created this persona, personality and it had got out of control. He got divorced. We've been living together 2 years.

I love him. I forgive him. He basically took my last few fertile years, and thru using booze and drugs plus his age, denied me the chance to have a baby.
Sex is great, even if he can't often get hard enough for sex sex. He won't take Viagra.

We went on a bad drink and drugs binge, though dry now, and mostly clean..He's become very unwell. He doesn't want to go anywhere, do anything. He reckons I've ruined his life. Me? I didn't lie. I've been supportive. He's my soul mate, I love him dearly. I do need a life. I need friends, which he can't understand. I'm going insane shut up in this nowhere country town. I'm bored. I need to go out the fucking house. With him. I want to do things together.

He's now talking about leaving me for my own good. I'm going to be homeless soon. At 41. Alone with my problems. I don't feel like I'm going to survive.
 
You had a life prior to meeting the guy - where is that? Surely in the three years of being together you haven't given up 'you'.

He 'was' those things to you, that honeymoon period is over so start to think about your future, protect yourself
 
Before him? He rescued me from a man who was beating me up, raping me, hurting me so fucking badly for 15 years, there wasn't much left of me after that, the drugs and the booze. I got nothing to go back to.

I gambled on escaping. I lost.

I love my guy. He never has really hurt me, beyond drunken bullshit. I guess he just doesn't feel able to carry on. My fuck ups dragged him down.

There's no time left to fix my life.
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
Before him? He rescued me from a man who was beating me up, raping me, hurting me so fucking badly for 15 years, there wasn't much left of me after that, the drugs and the booze. I got nothing to go back to.

I gambled on escaping. I lost.

I love my guy. He never has really hurt me, beyond drunken bullshit. I guess he just doesn't feel able to carry on. My fuck ups dragged him down.

There's no time left to fix my life.
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Give yourself a break already - you left an abusive relationship so it's pretty common to feel encapsulated with your guy. You state - you gambled and you lost Did you ? I would say you won big time - you got yourself a bit of space and time and in a safe environment. Yeah this relationship may have gone tits up (it happens) - next !
 
Are you so pissed off with your own life, diamonds, that you want to kick me when I'm down? Or are you generally judgemental?
 
Thanks, Bear. I can't pm for 180 mins or something like that.

I just want my boyfriend to accept the reality of the situation, cheer up and enjoy life with me. I don't give a flying fuck about the age difference if he just stops telling me how much happier I'd be with a younger man, and tries to live.

I guess he won't, he will dump me, and ill end up on the street alone.I'm too old for this shit! I know it sounds pathetic, but I can't be alone. I'm too vulnerable and scared.

I guess, I had better pull myself together. Head south for warmer weather, and try to survive.
 
(I PM'd you and you can reply at any time).

You may have brought a bit of baggage to the relationship that may have come up during your fall out - we all can say some hateful shit towards each other in anger (see my earlier replies in 'how do you fight').

He may be afraid of dying/aging and leaving you so wants to push you away etc .

Take care of yourself
Bear
 
I'm still a green lighter, it says wait for 180 mins...am I doing something wrong.

Yes, aging, dying, being sick is making him push me away. He had a bad medical issue (brain bleed) during our last run. I've been nursing him since. But I don't want him to leave me. I'd happily take care of him. He has been good to me.

When junkies get old, huh...
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
Are you so pissed off with your own life, diamonds, that you want to kick me when I'm down? Or are you generally judgemental?
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Lol, no. I just wasn't sure what you were looking for. You say you love him and that you're taking care of him.. but you think he's going to leave you. I can tell you both love each other; but I can also tell there's a lot of resentment. Usually people who are sick ... don't cut off the ones that are there for them if that makes you feel better.
 
I guess so, bomber, but I'm too old, tired and fucked up to even try to pretend I'm ok alone. I'm not. As desperate and a turn off as that is, I'm way past those games.
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
I'm still a green lighter, it says wait for 180 mins...am I doing something wrong.

Yes, aging, dying, being sick is making him push me away. He had a bad medical issue (brain bleed) during our last run. I've been nursing him since. But I don't want him to leave me. I'd happily take care of him. He has been good to me.

When junkies get old, huh...
Click to expand...

I thought Greenlighters could reply to PM's (I'll check :D) - visit social , or EADD and you can easily make 50 posts per trip.

Life plods on though - people age, people die and this is something you have to accept. I'm really sorry but I'm struggling to think 8(.

I'll pm you when I wake up

Bear
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
I guess so, bomber, but I'm too old, tired and fucked up to even try to pretend I'm ok alone. I'm not. As desperate and a turn off as that is, I'm way past those games.
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I know how you feel, but "there is no easy way out". Seriously, you have to prepare ur self for being alone. Trust me, this will make it easier to save your relationship.
 
Yes, yes, pretty, very cute. Lol indeed. You remind me of me when amps were making me into a total heartless bitch that thought I was so fucking funny.
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
Yes, yes, pretty, very cute. Lol indeed. You remind me of me when amps were making me into a total heartless bitch that thought I was so fucking funny.
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maybe look at yourself your behaviours and then think about changing you.

its not impossible to have a child at your age though its wayy riskier

at the same time stop being drunk all the time and doing drugs.

its no use whining about what you have lost if you are still choosing to throw away what you have left.

are you infertile?

is it impossible to stop taking drugs?

get a job and get your own place ffs

with these behaviours you display how would those be suitable to be a parent? so change them first and get organised then think about your options
 
Ho. Hi. I'm a paid carer to my partner. He had a bleed on his brain and needs 24 hour care. Which I've done since February. Wash, toilet, feed, dress, haul up, physio, appointments. It's not much money, but we get disability for him. He feels bad because he doesn't want his 22 year younger partner changing his fault diaper. Understand?

I'm not infertile, but our sex life is over. I would like to stay with him. So no kids. I'm a bit too old anyway now. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like a bitch. So I do drugs, drink. What does it matter? I have to get over it.

If he decides to go into a card home I need to get a job, house etc. I gave up my fucking job to care for him. Our house is a trailer. I don't know what reality you live in where deposit money, a job and a new house fall from the sky. I wish I lived there. Check your privilege, ho.
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
Check your privilege, ho.
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You're receiving solid advice (that you asked for) and are responding with a crappy attitude.
"What to do?"
Stop letting past and present relationships with men define your entire existence.
You're a grown adult woman. The only one who can pull you up by the bootstraps is yourself.
 
if you want to spend what little money you have left on booze and drugs and then get angry at other people thats up to you.

yeah thats a shit situation- so he is a stroke rehab patient

also why cant the state pay for a carer? then you could get a job that supports you in your life. or is that not an option?

what happens in your area if there was no you in the picture hypothetically and that happened to him- what would the funding be that would support him in that situation. would they provide a carer?

find that stuff out
 
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