What to do?

[malakaix]

I'm not sure what to do here, i think I've fucked myself..

I met this girl while traveling in Hungary.. we went out many times for almost two months. She made it clear to me in the beginning that she just got out of a 3 year relationship earlier in the year and didn't want to start another one but was happy to have fun with me while I was over here, I agreed.

The problem is I let myself get to close and now the thought of leaving her is driving me insane, I've fallen for her..

I bought her a Rolling Stones book which is her favorite band before I left for a month.. and in return she bought me a framed picture of myself and her.. So despite what she says her actions confuse me. I'm currently in Germany and won't see her again for another 3+ weeks but even these few days without her is driving me crazy.. I think I'm setting myself up to be hurt.

I'm also not taking into consideration the fact that its a foreign country where I don't speak the language so even if I were to stay.. I don't think I could support myself.. she is perhaps more aware of the reality of the situation then myself because when i like someone this much I become an unrealistic romantic. She also feels quite strongly that I shouldn't move here because the standard of living and economy is so bad, which is true.. but it's hard for me to see the truth when I'm in this state..

I don't know what to do.. If she truly doesn't want a relationship, then spending more time with her is only going to mess me up more.. I will have to see her in 3 weeks to collect some documents I had sent to the hostel where she works in Budapest.

So maybe I should lay all this out for her then and see what she says?

 

[Mel22]

I think you've answered your own questions multiple times throughout your post. You say that you tend to become an "unrealistic romantic." When unrealistic expectations creep in to any relationship, it can often end in disappointment and tears.

If she made it clear that she was not interested in a relationship, that may or may not still be the case. If it has only been a few weeks and she feels "strongly" that you should not move there, then it may be that she feels as she did at the beginning. There are also the practicalities of the situation that you mentioned that are working against you.

If you acknowledge that you tend to experience difficulties thinking clearly at times like this, I think you should perhaps take a step back before even considering moving to another country after knowing a girl for such a short time. A girl that has clearly stated she does not want to enter a serious relationship.

If continuing to see this girl under the current arrangement will "mess you up" as you say, then I definitely think it's time you had an honest and open chat with her about where you're at and take things from there.

 

[Foreigner]

The only reason you should be moving to a foreign country for a woman is if you two are already in a relationship. If one hasn't started and there's no certainty that one will, then I'd let it go. There's nothing wrong with taking risks in life, I just don't see the point of doing that here.

 

[malakaix]

Yeah you two both make good arguments. I suppose I was just venting and looking for some clarification in what I already practically answered myself..

I think I will talk to her when I'm next there and explain this whole situation and how I'm feeling and see what she says. It's been so long since I've been this close with someone so I'm finding it really difficult to let go.. but I know she stated early on she's not interested in a relationship.. so this falls on me.

Thanks for putting the situation into a clearer perspective for me, I appreciate it,

 

[Pagey]

I think it would be a big mistake to move to Hungary for her. As mentioned, you should only do that if you're in a serious long-term relationship with someone. If she just got out of a 3+ years erlationship, chances are she's very fragile emotionally-speaking and might be quite confused regarding her feelings towards you but it's never a good idea to get involved with someone vulnerable like that. I know it's harsh to hear but I really think things might end better for you if you just try to limit contact with her and well, move on.