I've heard from other people regarding my addiction and have been told that they too got fucked over by tramadol, and that it was an evil drug non narcotic or not, to get off. Hell what's frustrating is that when I kicked fiorinal with codeines giving myself 4 days to taper, I felt like crap for 2 weeks. The first week was the worst, the second I could function. This fucking tramadol kick, however went on for over 3 goddamned months so I decided to hell with this fucking noise! I wish I lived in fucking Vancouver so I could just get off this crap and be done with this hell, FUCK! I HATE having to depend on other junkies to score dope for me so I can get well.
Ok I'll back up. I took 2 Rx pills this pm when the w/ds started at 3pm. I still feel fine. I'm going to see how long before I get more wd's, 12 hrs? 18? I thought here's a plan: take off a week from work in April or May after I buy some seraquil from Aimee, have 5 pills on hand to help my withdrawing ass just sleep it the fuck off. Also, within that week, I'd have a couple tabs of Excstasy that Linda said she could get from her grandson who gets it from this other guy. I called her house, of course she was detoxing from speed. I offered to buy her some speed if she'd get off her ass and get me some X, but she said no. LOL. Fine, the offer of the free 1/4 g of speed only lasts today though, fuck.
When I was in her position I would have said fuck yeah, but hey, that's what I mean I HATE depending on others. Also, I'm still waiting on fucking Dave for my damned shrooms. So, yeah sorry can't do cold turkey and have to go to work, so I want to have some shrooms one day, rest with seraquil for 2 days, do a hit of X the next day, more seraquil before returning to work, then hopefully I'll be through the opiate w/d's and never take tramadol again. It is SO not worth it. Dave told me by the end of the month on the shrooms, fucking Christ
I hope so! What pisses me off is that when I don't want drugs people shove them in my face, but when I'm trying to plan a detox, others aren't cooperating. I can't keep taking this fucking Rx dope. Today I felt 2 pills and I want to see if I can maintain on just one. Addiction feels like the sort of trap where a guy gets seduced by a hot chick, but then gets trapped into marrying a bitch because she got pregant. Try getting out of a marriage and you'll have her mafia brothers making you feel 11 million nasty new flavors of pain you never thought existed.
My sponsor has been worried about me. I'm not sure when I'm just going to tell the NA gang that yours truly relapsed, but it's not as simple as ok stop using and get a new clean date because if I have to work, which I do, then I need a goddamned detox and I don't mean cold turkey. I hate my infernal poverty that is preventing me from an Ibogaine detox. That and I don't know if my friend in Van is really up to sending it to me if I did come up with the money.
Here's the deal with my friend. He's never stolen from me or anything. I love him, he loves me, he lives in Vancouver, but he is 4 times the junkie I am. He's hooked on methadone, heroin, klonipin, and whatever other chemicals he takes. Ok granted he has been a life saver in the past, sent me needles that saved my life when I was shooting so I wouldn't have to use dirty needles. He's sent me speed or a tiny amount of heroin when I was using them.
I understood when I asked him for smack back in the day, he'd score it for me, then end up using it himself. I didn't hold it against him. But if I bought Ibogaine on line and had them send it to his place in Van, I'd be gambling on whether or not I'd ever get it plus I'd be screwed out of the money I spent on it. For real, I HATE to think the worst, but when you're dealing with hard core junkies anything is possible. He may be sick, he may use what was mine, then I'd be fucked. I don't know this, but you know how junkies are! They don't even necessarily MEAN any harm, but if they were dope sick....
So should I risk it? I've thought of just telling him my fears honestly, yeah his feelings might be hurt, but it's not like dude I have money. I don't. Sigh. What the fuck should I do? I can't go to detox because my insurance covers half, and half medical detox is WAY the fuck more than $600. Fuck.
Ok I'll back up. I took 2 Rx pills this pm when the w/ds started at 3pm. I still feel fine. I'm going to see how long before I get more wd's, 12 hrs? 18? I thought here's a plan: take off a week from work in April or May after I buy some seraquil from Aimee, have 5 pills on hand to help my withdrawing ass just sleep it the fuck off. Also, within that week, I'd have a couple tabs of Excstasy that Linda said she could get from her grandson who gets it from this other guy. I called her house, of course she was detoxing from speed. I offered to buy her some speed if she'd get off her ass and get me some X, but she said no. LOL. Fine, the offer of the free 1/4 g of speed only lasts today though, fuck.
When I was in her position I would have said fuck yeah, but hey, that's what I mean I HATE depending on others. Also, I'm still waiting on fucking Dave for my damned shrooms. So, yeah sorry can't do cold turkey and have to go to work, so I want to have some shrooms one day, rest with seraquil for 2 days, do a hit of X the next day, more seraquil before returning to work, then hopefully I'll be through the opiate w/d's and never take tramadol again. It is SO not worth it. Dave told me by the end of the month on the shrooms, fucking Christ
I hope so! What pisses me off is that when I don't want drugs people shove them in my face, but when I'm trying to plan a detox, others aren't cooperating. I can't keep taking this fucking Rx dope. Today I felt 2 pills and I want to see if I can maintain on just one. Addiction feels like the sort of trap where a guy gets seduced by a hot chick, but then gets trapped into marrying a bitch because she got pregant. Try getting out of a marriage and you'll have her mafia brothers making you feel 11 million nasty new flavors of pain you never thought existed.
My sponsor has been worried about me. I'm not sure when I'm just going to tell the NA gang that yours truly relapsed, but it's not as simple as ok stop using and get a new clean date because if I have to work, which I do, then I need a goddamned detox and I don't mean cold turkey. I hate my infernal poverty that is preventing me from an Ibogaine detox. That and I don't know if my friend in Van is really up to sending it to me if I did come up with the money.
Here's the deal with my friend. He's never stolen from me or anything. I love him, he loves me, he lives in Vancouver, but he is 4 times the junkie I am. He's hooked on methadone, heroin, klonipin, and whatever other chemicals he takes. Ok granted he has been a life saver in the past, sent me needles that saved my life when I was shooting so I wouldn't have to use dirty needles. He's sent me speed or a tiny amount of heroin when I was using them.
I understood when I asked him for smack back in the day, he'd score it for me, then end up using it himself. I didn't hold it against him. But if I bought Ibogaine on line and had them send it to his place in Van, I'd be gambling on whether or not I'd ever get it plus I'd be screwed out of the money I spent on it. For real, I HATE to think the worst, but when you're dealing with hard core junkies anything is possible. He may be sick, he may use what was mine, then I'd be fucked. I don't know this, but you know how junkies are! They don't even necessarily MEAN any harm, but if they were dope sick....
So should I risk it? I've thought of just telling him my fears honestly, yeah his feelings might be hurt, but it's not like dude I have money. I don't. Sigh. What the fuck should I do? I can't go to detox because my insurance covers half, and half medical detox is WAY the fuck more than $600. Fuck.