Hi, ive taken 60mg of ethyphenidate in the morning, redose at after t+2(same amount). Struggled through the comedown at work(6hrs after last dose).... did 35mg(orally) early this night and after that ingested the 100mg of MDMA i had laying around...(just how fucking stupid can you be? Read about neurotoxicity etc. and still did it...)
I smoke a shit ton of weed and its taken me to the point that its taken a toll on my finances.
I drink coffee like 8-12cups a day, it takes a fucking lot of caffeine to make me feel allright.
Im just finishing a 50cl bottle of vodka as im writing this in a very confused state of mind and english is not my first language so please try to bare with me.
I flushed down ~650mg of ethyphenidate(down the toilet) earlier and the 100mg of MDMa i had was the last i had around and i really dont have a problem with MDMA as i see it changed me to a better person the first time i did it... it will stay with me forever and i will forever respect the chemical, im sure of it. Everyone should try MDMA once in life is really how i think, just not the way i can put it in public as this understandably causes lots of troubling stares. This is a chemical that really haves healing properties and should be treated with great respect.
Now theres only 2c-b and 25i-nbome in my stash and i dont find taking them appealing right now.
Why the fuck am i so addicted to not being sober? At first i thought it really was the drugs but i really feel that its the state of not caring/feeling good/being fucked up that makes me do these things. Ive been under a LOT of stress in the last 3 years and this year in particular although it haven't even been 3 months in to this year.
Im going to finish this bottle of vodka, take my bag my weed and take it to my mate who i trust like a brother... i feel like when im high on weed im willing to do any shit that is put around my face so its maybe better to put it away too, at least for the sake of tolerance.
It used to be so much different... i smoked pot every once in a while and found it as a wonder drug for me... no black-outs like on alcohol.... just good mood and giggles. Ive however smoked its so much in the past few months that its basically a sedative to me now. There are moments that i notice things like the heightened appreciation of music etc.... but its nothing like when it used to be an occasional thing.
So... when i wake up tomorrow ill have nothing but a little bit of weed with me... accompanied with some coffee but nothing else as ive been trying to kick my cigarette habbit (suprisingly well!)
What am i looking out for tomorrow?... i know i aint that bad(wrong word?) as some other here but im very close to what i think is a drug influenced psychosis.... im taking a break of 1 month from every substance starting tomorrow(i know this seems absurd to say in this state of mind but i really dont have the money and will to get anything more, and believe me it really is hard for me to get substances of any kind... i will gladly explain if you want to)
Positive
-I feel like im truly addicted to only weed, caffeine and nicotine.
-Even though im right now craving for drugs i still think i can make it
-flushing the ethlyphenidate made me feel so much better, i didnt have a problem with it but i could easily see it going that way. I`ve only ordered 1 gram of the stuff and its gone now).
-Oh fuck i miss the rush of a good work-out or a good run.... i think there is really nothing there that beats this natural high. Sure its subtle... but its so rewarding.
Negatives
-I fear being sober, especially going on without caffeine. (Mind you i am 99% of the time sober on workdays aside from caffeine)
-Will weed be ever the same for me? Because fuck me if it wont... it saved me from becoming an alcoholic and i know that suppressing another addiction with another aint safe or safe-minded... but fuck yeah i felt better physically/mentally after a weekend of weed compared to a weekend of booze. I really think weed is up there with MDMA and higher in regards to safer/responsible drug use. I gotta admit i have some enthusiasm about weed because i really think its the one drug we could rely on, recreationally wise.
- Can i stop thinking about being high on something? For booze it was usually wednesday/thursday when i started to think how i could be wasted the next evening/weekend.... thankfully i dont find being out of your mind on alcohold that much big of an ordeal now.... but its every other kind of high that i can think about. Being drunk is nothing but being out of it... i used to love that... and now i like to challenge my mind... And i have to admit i has taken its toll to challenge you perspectives that much.
Lets see what month of sobrierity will do for me.
I know it doesnt seem much to other compared here, but this post took a good 2hours for me to make and im going to fucking submit it
I smoke a shit ton of weed and its taken me to the point that its taken a toll on my finances.
I drink coffee like 8-12cups a day, it takes a fucking lot of caffeine to make me feel allright.
Im just finishing a 50cl bottle of vodka as im writing this in a very confused state of mind and english is not my first language so please try to bare with me.
I flushed down ~650mg of ethyphenidate(down the toilet) earlier and the 100mg of MDMa i had was the last i had around and i really dont have a problem with MDMA as i see it changed me to a better person the first time i did it... it will stay with me forever and i will forever respect the chemical, im sure of it. Everyone should try MDMA once in life is really how i think, just not the way i can put it in public as this understandably causes lots of troubling stares. This is a chemical that really haves healing properties and should be treated with great respect.
Now theres only 2c-b and 25i-nbome in my stash and i dont find taking them appealing right now.
Why the fuck am i so addicted to not being sober? At first i thought it really was the drugs but i really feel that its the state of not caring/feeling good/being fucked up that makes me do these things. Ive been under a LOT of stress in the last 3 years and this year in particular although it haven't even been 3 months in to this year.
Im going to finish this bottle of vodka, take my bag my weed and take it to my mate who i trust like a brother... i feel like when im high on weed im willing to do any shit that is put around my face so its maybe better to put it away too, at least for the sake of tolerance.
It used to be so much different... i smoked pot every once in a while and found it as a wonder drug for me... no black-outs like on alcohol.... just good mood and giggles. Ive however smoked its so much in the past few months that its basically a sedative to me now. There are moments that i notice things like the heightened appreciation of music etc.... but its nothing like when it used to be an occasional thing.
So... when i wake up tomorrow ill have nothing but a little bit of weed with me... accompanied with some coffee but nothing else as ive been trying to kick my cigarette habbit (suprisingly well!)
What am i looking out for tomorrow?... i know i aint that bad(wrong word?) as some other here but im very close to what i think is a drug influenced psychosis.... im taking a break of 1 month from every substance starting tomorrow(i know this seems absurd to say in this state of mind but i really dont have the money and will to get anything more, and believe me it really is hard for me to get substances of any kind... i will gladly explain if you want to)
Positive
-I feel like im truly addicted to only weed, caffeine and nicotine.
-Even though im right now craving for drugs i still think i can make it
-flushing the ethlyphenidate made me feel so much better, i didnt have a problem with it but i could easily see it going that way. I`ve only ordered 1 gram of the stuff and its gone now).
-Oh fuck i miss the rush of a good work-out or a good run.... i think there is really nothing there that beats this natural high. Sure its subtle... but its so rewarding.
Negatives
-I fear being sober, especially going on without caffeine. (Mind you i am 99% of the time sober on workdays aside from caffeine)
-Will weed be ever the same for me? Because fuck me if it wont... it saved me from becoming an alcoholic and i know that suppressing another addiction with another aint safe or safe-minded... but fuck yeah i felt better physically/mentally after a weekend of weed compared to a weekend of booze. I really think weed is up there with MDMA and higher in regards to safer/responsible drug use. I gotta admit i have some enthusiasm about weed because i really think its the one drug we could rely on, recreationally wise.
- Can i stop thinking about being high on something? For booze it was usually wednesday/thursday when i started to think how i could be wasted the next evening/weekend.... thankfully i dont find being out of your mind on alcohold that much big of an ordeal now.... but its every other kind of high that i can think about. Being drunk is nothing but being out of it... i used to love that... and now i like to challenge my mind... And i have to admit i has taken its toll to challenge you perspectives that much.
Lets see what month of sobrierity will do for me.
I know it doesnt seem much to other compared here, but this post took a good 2hours for me to make and im going to fucking submit it
