I met this 29 year old chick in my town today through a friend.... She had added me on facebook and we talked then decided to meet up. So anyways I decide to do so.... She seemed really cool and we clicked so I said why not? She ended up being really nice and all....we really got along and what not. So long story short she just got out of rehab not to long ago and she told me she was addicted to heroin but got clean but now is using again. We started talking about our drug use and what not... She said she got clean because of her baby boy (omg she has a son.... she has a kid). She then says she only wants to use it occasionally so she won't become addicted again (omg woman don't we all say this). Then we talk and she takes out a bag and offers me some. Stupid me decides to take a couple fucking bumps. Mother of fucking God.... I'm snorting heroin.
We end up having a good time and all.. She tells me she's happy to make a new friend and we will hangout again. We also decided we would go to Philadelphia and cop together. Yeah, that all seemed like a good idea then but now it has hit me..... What have I set myself up for? I now have a chick who wants to be friends and uses dope.... And you know hanging out won't be about just going to the movies or arts and crafts...maybe in the twilight zone but now it will just be all about chasing that high. So now I'm scared out of my mind. I know if I make friends with her I'm going to start using and I told myself I would stay away from opiates. I take roxicodone occasionally now and stay away from oxycontin but long behold I am messing with heroin now. I wanted to but then again I didn't... Its an inner battle that I fight everyday. One part of me wants to be self destructive and the other part of me doesn't want to be.
I don't know how this happened... Maybe I was searching for it and now I got it. My life has been complete shit lately and I don't give a fuck anymore so maybe that's why I'm doing all this shit again. Yet, something inside of me is saying stop now while you're ahead but then I know I'm not going to. Why do I choose to use instead of moving on with my life and making something out of it? The sad thing is I'm not worried about dying but I'm worried about causing others pain. Isn't that fucked up... I was always the good daughter (for the most part), the one who didn't ever want to use drugs or even touch a cigarette. What the fuck happened to her? I was on the honor roll the HIGH honor roll and got accepted to Penn State but threw that all away. I know I can move on and do bigger and better things but instead I keep digging myself into a hole that I can't get out of. I'm disappointed in myself and it makes me more depressed than I already am.... I don't get why I have to use drugs. I know I started using them to help with the shitty aspects of my life but they actually just make it worst in the end.
I'm eighteen years old and I should be worrying about other things. Not about getting high or where I'm going to get that money for me to get high. Shit, getting a job was the worst idea ever because all I use the money for is on drugs. ( Well, clothes too but if its not clothes its drugs.) I should be worrying about going back to school and what not.. I guess ill see what happens and where I end up going, if anywhere.
I remember that time in health class when our teacher had us raise our hand for when we think we would die. I raised it for 60 something but inside I really wanted to raise it for 21.
We end up having a good time and all.. She tells me she's happy to make a new friend and we will hangout again. We also decided we would go to Philadelphia and cop together. Yeah, that all seemed like a good idea then but now it has hit me..... What have I set myself up for? I now have a chick who wants to be friends and uses dope.... And you know hanging out won't be about just going to the movies or arts and crafts...maybe in the twilight zone but now it will just be all about chasing that high. So now I'm scared out of my mind. I know if I make friends with her I'm going to start using and I told myself I would stay away from opiates. I take roxicodone occasionally now and stay away from oxycontin but long behold I am messing with heroin now. I wanted to but then again I didn't... Its an inner battle that I fight everyday. One part of me wants to be self destructive and the other part of me doesn't want to be.
I don't know how this happened... Maybe I was searching for it and now I got it. My life has been complete shit lately and I don't give a fuck anymore so maybe that's why I'm doing all this shit again. Yet, something inside of me is saying stop now while you're ahead but then I know I'm not going to. Why do I choose to use instead of moving on with my life and making something out of it? The sad thing is I'm not worried about dying but I'm worried about causing others pain. Isn't that fucked up... I was always the good daughter (for the most part), the one who didn't ever want to use drugs or even touch a cigarette. What the fuck happened to her? I was on the honor roll the HIGH honor roll and got accepted to Penn State but threw that all away. I know I can move on and do bigger and better things but instead I keep digging myself into a hole that I can't get out of. I'm disappointed in myself and it makes me more depressed than I already am.... I don't get why I have to use drugs. I know I started using them to help with the shitty aspects of my life but they actually just make it worst in the end.
I'm eighteen years old and I should be worrying about other things. Not about getting high or where I'm going to get that money for me to get high. Shit, getting a job was the worst idea ever because all I use the money for is on drugs. ( Well, clothes too but if its not clothes its drugs.) I should be worrying about going back to school and what not.. I guess ill see what happens and where I end up going, if anywhere.
I remember that time in health class when our teacher had us raise our hand for when we think we would die. I raised it for 60 something but inside I really wanted to raise it for 21.
The worst part about it is you know you're not addicted now and can stop but then you know you're not going to because you're a dumbass and can't make things easy for yourself, fuck my life.