ChiTown$lim420
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2019
- Messages
- 9
What up?!?! SouthSide Chicago representing bluelight.... so now what? Lol
Began to think about the same recently, after many years of what people probably call the often cited "glorification" of drug (ab)use and seeing smoking as the worst of my habits - even when I never inject(ed yet) and think my appearance shouldn't be too obvious but I'm not so sure anymore. Some people seem to just 'smell' it, of course opioids give me miosis, the obvious not-so-healthy lifestyle but I guess it's about character. When I see other people drugged, in a setting where others are sober or when I think of situations when I was with others who were heavily intoxicated while I wasn't ... and the same vice versa, ugh.Wow. I’m a keen injecting drug user as everyone knows but even to me there is something so tragic, pathetic and ugly about that spoiler photo. Suddenly made me wonder what I’d appear like to people if they ever saw me in action. Totally weirded me out with a touch of self-loathing.
I think that’s partly why I have such a phobia against downers in general and opiods in particular. No offence at all to anyone who is into them but that whole nodding off in public with the spike still in your arm freaks me out. It’s pathetic, tragic and terribly vulnerable all at the same time. It’s different with stims - I can shoot up in my car or in a public toilet and be on my merry way in under 5 minutes. I had a horrible experience trying heroin once in a public toilet where I OD (first time I tried it) and am still ashamed at how pathetic I must have looked being carted out of there unconscious. But then again at the peak of a cocaine addiction I would sit in a bus stop or even on someone’s front steps in the middle of the day to shoot up if no-one was around. That’s pretty shameful in retrospect too. I really shouldn’t judge anyone. Even though stims make me imagine I’m on top of things and no one can tell I’m fucked up I expect plenty of people look at me and think something is not quite right about this guy.Began to think about the same recently, after many years of what people probably call the often cited "glorification" of drug (ab)use and seeing smoking as the worst of my habits - even when I never inject(ed yet) and think my appearance shouldn't be too obvious but I'm not so sure anymore. Some people seem to just 'smell' it, of course opioids give me miosis, the obvious not-so-healthy lifestyle but I guess it's about character. When I see other people drugged, in a setting where others are sober or when I think of situations when I was with others who were heavily intoxicated while I wasn't ... and the same vice versa, ugh.
I feel you about the self-loathing. Had similar feelings in my teens about social anxiety and being "different", then found peace with that (well, drugs gave it to me but I ousted that fact). Now both comes back with full force and I really can't imagine dating, don't know whether it could come back or not.. same with future bosses, landlords, etc..
On the other hand I continue seeing other fucked up people, alcoholics, or like scars from self-injuring behavior etc. who are in relationships, are confident about themselves so it's really a hit or miss with whom you meet.. feels bad for sure..
My dad always told me you can’t live in a straight world high Forever, people will notice and eventually shit will come crashing down...maybe not the case for everyone but prolly mostI think that’s partly why I have such a phobia against downers in general and opiods in particular. No offence at all to anyone who is into them but that whole nodding off in public with the spike still in your arm freaks me out. It’s pathetic, tragic and terribly vulnerable all at the same time. It’s different with stims - I can shoot up in my car or in a public toilet and be on my merry way in under 5 minutes. I had a horrible experience trying heroin once in a public toilet where I OD (first time I tried it) and am still ashamed at how pathetic I must have looked being carted out of there unconscious. But then again at the peak of a cocaine addiction I would sit in a bus stop or even on someone’s front steps in the middle of the day to shoot up if no-one was around. That’s pretty shameful in retrospect too. I really shouldn’t judge anyone. Even though stims make me imagine I’m on top of things and no one can tell I’m fucked up I expect plenty of people look at me and think something is not quite right about this guy.