i didnt even want to get up today. when i finally pulled myself from bed, there was a mail package sitting by my computer. it came in the mail and my mum put it there for me.
my best friend has been dead for two years, he killed himself, and its something that i've been having a lot of difficulty with, lately. i find myself missing him intensely, and its finally starting to get to me.
i opened the package, and discovered it was from his sister. inside there was a video of robbi singing and playing his guitar. there was also a necklace he used to wear, and a ring i gave him. his journal was there, and some photos of me and him.
i read the letter from saskia, his sis, and she explained that their mother had started to take apart his bedroom. after two years of being unable to look in there, she was turning it into a study. these, including the video, had been found, and they decided to give them to me.
i've spent the morning watching this tape over and over, reading the journal (i know this is ok, since he used to tell me one day i'd get to read it, and i figure thats now) and looking at the photos and jewellery. i've been crying a lot, but i've also been smiling.
it was strange to flick on the screen and see his face, moving and talking and laughing and singing, but it's also very beautiful, and i actually feel at peace today, for the first time in a long time.