what is your fear?

[~ * ~ MaD HaTTeR ~ * ~]

I am here trapped in an undefined space in time. A space that I have created inside my own fantasyland. I have laid awake many nights imagining things as they should be or as I dreamed they would be when I was younger. I have been caught by fear; the fear that lies inside of everyone, but hardly is ever spoken about. The fear is emotional, psychological, sexual, intellectual, but not understandable. It could be just one of these fears, several of these fears or all of them. I am trapped in a wasteland that includes all of these. Love and hate and their endless pressure emotionally torment me. They are thrown at us but never totally explained. A primary goal of life is striving to learn what these two words mean. Love an all-powerful emotion, fireworks and a lightning bolt of connection, so I was told. Because I have seen to many movies where love lives happily ever after, this is what I am drawn to, the fireworks fantasy, but tormenting reality keeps this hidden from me. Love comes in three categories: one, love in the way we do close friends and our loved ones, love that is instilled in us since birth, two, love that is learned, boy meets girl they tell each other they love each other but as quickly as they say it the quicker they forget it and three, love the kind in movies the fantasy that becomes reality the love that really does live happily ever after. Hate on the other hand is to an all-powerful emotion, but is the opposing force of love. We learn how to hate before we learn to love, at a young age we learn to love our friends and hate our enemies. As Webster would put it, “ To feel hostility or animosity toward, to dislike intensely.” To see a person one hate’s do they suddenly fill with bitterness and resentment for that person I guess if one does that they can say they have felt hate, lucky them. Some people thrive on hate, they live and breathe it and if they didn’t hate they wouldn’t know how to love. Now psychologically all this emotional stuff can take a toll on a person. They spend their time trying to get in touch with their feelings that they forget to have any of their own. What I am saying is instead of living life trying to talk out your emotions and read definitions of what they should be in some book, live, feel them for yourself that is the only correct definition you will get. Now the fear of sexuality, some people may be very comfortable with themselves when enduring in the act of sex, but still may never feel it truly. Some may be intimidated by their own sexuality; they may be scared of their body or of women. None the less the fear is there it rests below the surface in an intimate space. Intellectually we stand alone, people may tell us what to think and how to feel but only we know what we believe. There is a fear that’s lies within all of us, within the choices we make the beliefs and morals we carry and inside own analytical minds. We are all thinkers we are intellectual in our own ways and we strive to find the answers to the fears that hold us in this wasteland. Everyone wants to be remembered, but they don’t know how they want to be remembered.
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I am lost, I've gone to find myself, if I should return before I get back have me wait....
Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light.... -joker
AOL name: MaDHaTTeR92578
ICQ: 121509637

 

[Rizzo_Kim]

Never you fear, Rizzo is here!
LoL

 

[Sara Tonin]

When you do decide how you want to be remembered, everything will be much more clear to you. You will not struggle with yourself so much.
Fear can be crippling. Fear can keep you from what you need or want. The scariest thing sometimes is stepping out of your comfort zone, throwing caution to the wind and letting go. But when you do this you can look back and see that it wasn't so bad and that you are one step closer to conquering another fear.
You seem like a person that reflects deeply on your thoughts. This can be a great thing if your thoughts are positive, if not it can just torment you. You have the power to make you happy.

 

[Noodle]

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word, sarah