slamming pills and coke
diluadid, oxycontin, roxicodone, methylphenidate, and cocaine
and getting morphine, demerol, versed, valium, and fentanyl IVs @ hospitals was necessary but not something that was helping my situation w/ opioids.
and taking opioids daily for 8 months, that was a pretty dangerous decision because it ended 7 days ago with my in the hospital b/c my parents found a needle and H (they raided my room like dea agents no joke) i was denied access to 3 rehabs b/c i wasnt going thru withdrawal even after 15 hours of driving to rehab after rehab and doing the interview then going to the hospital to try to get admitted for something i dont know what , but i never went thru w/d and i didnt get sent to some prison rehab in utah. shooting is dangerous, and having your parents know your shoot, thats dangerous to your life not because of the drug's potency/health risks, but the relationship changes and how they view me now. obviously they love me but its about the worst thing a parents can find i guess...
DONT SHOOT.
ugh. i thought i was smart, and now all i can think about is the dump warm gun. i dont even want to do opiates anymore, been clean for a week, excercised, worked out a little, feel great, gained some much needed weight, but still have the desire to bang something, ANYTHING.
so that is my most dangerous decision, shooting.