what is it i'm feeling???

[tosakarade]

They ask me to tell them what i'm feeling
why it is that i act this way
they ask me why i still hurt so much
as if it's something i can explain.
they ask so many questions that
i've now got more than when i began
and yet somehow i feel better...
but a strange kind of better
i feel so alone and miserable
though i know there's so many people there for me.
this is something i need to do myself
to try and fix on my own.
despite all the people i'm seeing and getting help from in all of this
i'm still alone
cause only i can know what's going on in my head
and currently even i can't tell.
i'm feeling so much better
yet i'm almost always ready to cry
a fountain of emotions held at bay
by a small dam
ready to burst
to flow forth at the drop of a hat.
and when it does it comes in a torrent
uncontrolable and untamable
so forceful my cheast aches.
i don't know how it subsides
it seems to slowly ebb away
but still it's just there...
always behind that tiny dam...
waiting to break again.
it's happened so many times already
but i know many more are to come.
i wish i could only explain what i feel
why i feel this way
maybe then if they can understand
maybe so will i
maybe then it will all go away
and allow me to move on with my life

 

[emily_roxs]

ya know i feel the exact way sometimes, i think the reason I feel this way is because all my life i have been hiding from myself. Like theres this mask and i have been scared to set myself free, and sometimes you have to just say fuck everybody. cuz sometimes no one understands, no ones there, and it seems as if no one cares. but eventually you will find what you are missing, dont ever lose that hope.

 

[tosakarade]

unfortunately i know whats missing but have spent the last year and a half kidding myself that i'd come to terms with it. I feel better now because i've finally admitted to myself that i havn't and am taking steps to overcome that. to do that though means reliving all my pain over again and it hurts almost more the second time around. I don't know exactly where i'm going with this but....yeah. thanks for the feedback, it shows that even faceless people out there care too!!!
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I think poetry is written mostly for pleasure, by which I mean the pleasure of pain, horror, anguish and awe as well as the pleasure of beauty, music and the act of living.
~Kenneth Slessor~