"Choose Life" obviously if your a reader/bluelighter, your probably familiar with Trainspotting, and T2 Trainspotting.
Choose life, was a phrase that was suposedly common on T shirts in Britain, to spread awareness and combat the issue of suicide, and drug addiction. Trainspotting took this phrase and used it to describe the way young people feel when they are rebelous.
"choose a job, choose school, choose a 9 to 5 job working your ass every day to repeat it over and over again, choose fitting in, choose success"
when i saw this phrase put to light, i was already hooked on the movie for two reasons. at the time, i was new to drugs, and loved opiates. (loratabs, which wasnt an addiction just felt good i guess, and everyone wanted to be around you if you had some)
The phrases in red were once things i could fit in. but in some peoples life that makes these mistakes or otherwise had a bad hand in life, i started at a young age, to want to be normal. I wanted that car, the wife, the two kids at church on a wednesday night, the family reunions, ect.
Today, that saying may just seem like a tv reference from a weird obsession, how some love star wars just a bit too much.
A good person who has things going for them most likely rarely thinks about life as being so precious. An evil person doesnt care.
but a good person treated as a bad guy, for whatever reason, rarely shrugs it off and "pushes through".
All i ever wanted was a nice car, a loving wife, my family to be around to see it, and to be a part of this new exciting age of the 21st century. When i lost faith in that dream, i realized i would be fighting to "choose life"
This feeling arose from being surrounded by horrible situations, people i call my family friends, Jake Jess Josh, and watching them live life so differently than myself and feeling left behind. I never once felt as if i was messing up, had a good job working every day, a stable family home, and no legal trouble.
A car accident. because i was tired and excited. i rolled my chevy malibu on the muskogee turnpike at 90 MPH. rear end. i thought "oh shit im in trouble" i remember rolling through the air thinking "this is it im going to die," but the actual words i said in my head were "...aaaaannd iiiiimmm deeaaaddd" boom. rolled 3-4 times into a ditch no scratch. i never felt thankful to be alive because i was more concerned about this funny word! "Punishment"
For the record that only exists from my own eyes and memory of the experience, i was sober. galveston to muskogee. I was 100% honest to the cops about everything, and my medication was in my trunk. trazadone. not a narcotic. Was given a sobriety test and failed (who else could walk strait under pressure and recite the alphebet backwards after that experience?
.......... i was SHOCKED to go to jail for a DUI that night. finally i spent my whole life afraid to be in legal trouble and obeying the law, i get a charge i was innocent for. I now have PTSD from that, not that the car scared me but the fact that i was both in shock and feeling empathetic, i was vunrable emotionally. since then, My reputation with my family and just in general was tainted, and theres nothing i could do.
That day destroyed my faith in obeying the law as hard as i tried to. If i am to be in trouble, or if i am to loose something or to dissapoint, it will always feel like someone elses fault. Im not a criminal, I am just alone. i felt alone at the time anyway. i was never truly alone until i had a second wreck. no laws broken. but i was abandoned by everyone that i love. in a homeless shelter, no car, at 19. a teenager.
Today i chose life and that is why i am here to write. and i may choose life tomorrow as well. any way you want to phrase it. But the sad reality is that life isnt a choice. Living is.
Choose life, was a phrase that was suposedly common on T shirts in Britain, to spread awareness and combat the issue of suicide, and drug addiction. Trainspotting took this phrase and used it to describe the way young people feel when they are rebelous.
"choose a job, choose school, choose a 9 to 5 job working your ass every day to repeat it over and over again, choose fitting in, choose success"
when i saw this phrase put to light, i was already hooked on the movie for two reasons. at the time, i was new to drugs, and loved opiates. (loratabs, which wasnt an addiction just felt good i guess, and everyone wanted to be around you if you had some)
The phrases in red were once things i could fit in. but in some peoples life that makes these mistakes or otherwise had a bad hand in life, i started at a young age, to want to be normal. I wanted that car, the wife, the two kids at church on a wednesday night, the family reunions, ect.
Today, that saying may just seem like a tv reference from a weird obsession, how some love star wars just a bit too much.
A good person who has things going for them most likely rarely thinks about life as being so precious. An evil person doesnt care.
but a good person treated as a bad guy, for whatever reason, rarely shrugs it off and "pushes through".
All i ever wanted was a nice car, a loving wife, my family to be around to see it, and to be a part of this new exciting age of the 21st century. When i lost faith in that dream, i realized i would be fighting to "choose life"
This feeling arose from being surrounded by horrible situations, people i call my family friends, Jake Jess Josh, and watching them live life so differently than myself and feeling left behind. I never once felt as if i was messing up, had a good job working every day, a stable family home, and no legal trouble.
A car accident. because i was tired and excited. i rolled my chevy malibu on the muskogee turnpike at 90 MPH. rear end. i thought "oh shit im in trouble" i remember rolling through the air thinking "this is it im going to die," but the actual words i said in my head were "...aaaaannd iiiiimmm deeaaaddd" boom. rolled 3-4 times into a ditch no scratch. i never felt thankful to be alive because i was more concerned about this funny word! "Punishment"
For the record that only exists from my own eyes and memory of the experience, i was sober. galveston to muskogee. I was 100% honest to the cops about everything, and my medication was in my trunk. trazadone. not a narcotic. Was given a sobriety test and failed (who else could walk strait under pressure and recite the alphebet backwards after that experience?
.......... i was SHOCKED to go to jail for a DUI that night. finally i spent my whole life afraid to be in legal trouble and obeying the law, i get a charge i was innocent for. I now have PTSD from that, not that the car scared me but the fact that i was both in shock and feeling empathetic, i was vunrable emotionally. since then, My reputation with my family and just in general was tainted, and theres nothing i could do.
That day destroyed my faith in obeying the law as hard as i tried to. If i am to be in trouble, or if i am to loose something or to dissapoint, it will always feel like someone elses fault. Im not a criminal, I am just alone. i felt alone at the time anyway. i was never truly alone until i had a second wreck. no laws broken. but i was abandoned by everyone that i love. in a homeless shelter, no car, at 19. a teenager.
Today i chose life and that is why i am here to write. and i may choose life tomorrow as well. any way you want to phrase it. But the sad reality is that life isnt a choice. Living is.
