What have I learned?

Within the past year I have experienced some interesting things. Well, interesting to me because it was my experience. Boring and uneventful to others but quite fascinating to my simple mind.

Fascinating because these experiences were from the process of getting clean, accepting reality, facing responsibility, implementing change and relapsing.

What have I learned in the past year?

* Everything is temporary
* Hostility, resentment and fear are my initial responses to the unfamiliar
* Consistency is important.
* Repeating positive actions, consistently will make those actions become habits
* Not everyone is in this for the same reasons
* If i don't get high, it WILL get better. Sooner? Later? Who’s to say? Don’t fuckin’ bail before it does.
* Obsessive thinking causes me pain
* Self-centeredness is a motherfucker
* Just fuckin’ do it otherwise it’ll ruin my day from dwelling on neglecting responsibilities
* I am afraid of many things
* I make impulsive decisions that are horrible for my well being and can be potentially fatal
* Its not all about me
* My life really isn't mine. Believe it or not even if only one person values me, it would be selfish to end my life because of the impact it would have on 'just one'
* I can't use drugs and live a fulfilling life
* I simply do not like who I am
* Service to others is very likely to be the single most effective way to getting better added 09/19/10 4:00pm

 

Like who you are. I do.
You might not be in the best place right noe- but its all a part of shaping you and helping you grow

 

I'm with ocean I like who you are too. I've seen you at your best and at your worst well at a low and you'll always be a dear friend. Please don't ever forget I'm only a phone call away if you need an ear.

 

I don’t know you, we have never spoke, I have never met you, but I have followed you on BL and read you words. OD you write with depth and feeling which tells me you have a good self awareness a quality that is to be cherished and which will carry you far. I have nothing else to say other than keep learning and grow from strength to strength my friend…

 

Thank you guys. I've been at some really bad lows but I feel the slow process of doing what I need to do fast approaching.

Typically, if I keep ALL chemicals out of my body for three days I start to feel more like myself. Three days is a loooooonnnngggg time but someday I'll put a few days in a row and become stronger and more able to think clearly