adder
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2006
- Messages
- 2,851
^ For years I tried explaining myself to myself that I just happen to be a person who needs downers to filter the reality, because otherwise it's too much for a dreamer like me who lives at the edge of reality and his own world. The truth is it was a lie as good as any lie to let yourself keep on taking drugs. If I hadn't completely lost control over my life, I guess I would still be stuck with needles deep in addiction. Opioids easily make you addicted to them, but it may still take a lot of time for many people to hit the bottom. As long as you don't use needles, it's always going to be quite easy to convince yourself that you still function fairly well in your life and that you could stop if you wanted to.
In my experience there are various phases of opioid addiction (and they more or less apply to all highly addictive drugs). At first one is fascinated with the deep peace opioids can give you, in this stage you hardly ever consider having a problem. Then with time and more frequent use you start realizing that you're addicted, but you don't really think that it's a problem yet. You may even shoot up at this point as I did, but still it wasn't a big deal for me. Then you start making excuses more and more often, you acknowledge you've got a problem, but you still think that you can overcome it. Later you go deeper and the fact that you're heavily addicted is no longer a secret for you, it may take some time to make peace with this thought, but in the end you become an addict who knows he/she is deeply addicted, knows it's a serious problem, but either doesn't want to stop or can't see it happening. You lose more and more (not necessarily financially), and again it may take a lot of time, but one day you realize how low you are. Suddenly you can contrast your previous life with your present life and differences are staggering. It's mostly in this stage that people really decide to quit and if they really want to do that, they somehow can dig up some hidden energy to overcome addiction.
That's how it was with me and I've noticed that most people who finally decided to quit and succeeded or stayed on maintenance not abusing their substitute were in that stage. I've realized that in most cases it doesn't make sense to tell addicts what they're losing and where they actually are, because they won't listen until they hit their bottom. It sounds sad, but there are quite a few people that I know who should stop for their own good, but I know they won't even consider it for a long time, and when I tried convincing them, they would only get mad. They seems to be little point in that.
One day you can wake up and suddenly you won't be a "functional addict" any more. I was still quite good at school using drugs, then I went studying using methadone, then trying to use buprenorphine, still using full agonists from time to time, it was really pathetic that I thought I could do it all being in such a bad shape. In the end I lost 5 years of studying, if it wasn't for my addictions, I would have a master degree in chemistry today, and I would be a much more happy person believing in myself. But here I am today knowing that if I fail once more, it won't make sense to try another time. That's not really comfortable to know that I MUST do something.
It may not be a positive conclusion, but I guess the more you lose, the more chance you start fighting your dependence at some point.
In my experience there are various phases of opioid addiction (and they more or less apply to all highly addictive drugs). At first one is fascinated with the deep peace opioids can give you, in this stage you hardly ever consider having a problem. Then with time and more frequent use you start realizing that you're addicted, but you don't really think that it's a problem yet. You may even shoot up at this point as I did, but still it wasn't a big deal for me. Then you start making excuses more and more often, you acknowledge you've got a problem, but you still think that you can overcome it. Later you go deeper and the fact that you're heavily addicted is no longer a secret for you, it may take some time to make peace with this thought, but in the end you become an addict who knows he/she is deeply addicted, knows it's a serious problem, but either doesn't want to stop or can't see it happening. You lose more and more (not necessarily financially), and again it may take a lot of time, but one day you realize how low you are. Suddenly you can contrast your previous life with your present life and differences are staggering. It's mostly in this stage that people really decide to quit and if they really want to do that, they somehow can dig up some hidden energy to overcome addiction.
That's how it was with me and I've noticed that most people who finally decided to quit and succeeded or stayed on maintenance not abusing their substitute were in that stage. I've realized that in most cases it doesn't make sense to tell addicts what they're losing and where they actually are, because they won't listen until they hit their bottom. It sounds sad, but there are quite a few people that I know who should stop for their own good, but I know they won't even consider it for a long time, and when I tried convincing them, they would only get mad. They seems to be little point in that.
One day you can wake up and suddenly you won't be a "functional addict" any more. I was still quite good at school using drugs, then I went studying using methadone, then trying to use buprenorphine, still using full agonists from time to time, it was really pathetic that I thought I could do it all being in such a bad shape. In the end I lost 5 years of studying, if it wasn't for my addictions, I would have a master degree in chemistry today, and I would be a much more happy person believing in myself. But here I am today knowing that if I fail once more, it won't make sense to try another time. That's not really comfortable to know that I MUST do something.
It may not be a positive conclusion, but I guess the more you lose, the more chance you start fighting your dependence at some point.