I don't judge someone for the drugs they choose, at various times I've been gone full retard in a couple of cultures, but the stoner thing can be so annoying:
- the "deep" philosophical discussions about the nature of reality, God, aliens, but too ignorant to know everything they're babbling about has already been said on much clearer and more eloquent terms by great writers and thinkers but even if you tell what to check such-and-such a person they're too lazy to ever actually go read it
- Hitting the bar with stoners can be a disaster though they were the ones saying everyone should go out and rage. They can't handle it and just when the night is getting good they get all paranoid and hungry and insist everyone go back to some crappy overcrowded crib without enough places to sit just to order delivery and watch the Big Lebowski for the 9000th time. Plus stoners specialize in fucked up house rules: you can only smoke in the bathroom, the landlord lives upstairs and hates noise so everyone has to whisper past 9pm, you're not allowed to wear shoes in some rooms but you must have them on in others, etc
- the paranoia if you don't want to smoke even though they know you do other drugs. They refuse to accept someone doesn't want bud so they grill you about it, the whole time wondering if you're a narc. For trolls, this is the perfect time to feed their suspicion so feel free to casually ask about their connections, any recent busts in town, or if they have any cell phone bills around cause you want to compare it to your plan, lulz guaranteed
- the godawful fiending when they're dry, you wonder how ATT can even handle the call load. Yep, each of you taking turns calling the dude every 15 minutes is a surefire way to speed up the process so just keep pounding the redial, that will definitely light a fire under the cartel's ass. And if they can't hook up then someone better alert the corner store cause there's about to be a serious run of beer and Nyquil. This usually happens a couple nights after everyone was passing the bong and boasting about how pot is the greatest drug ever cause it's all natural and totally non addictive
- trying to get stoners out the door in time for a movie/anything is torture. A can't find his phone, B is rummaging through her gigantic handbag for her lighter, C refuses to leave til he finds the perfect playlist for the 3 minute ride to the theater, D went to get some advil but got sucked into the mirror and is paralyzed by introspection. And once you've finally found everything and either tricked or physically thrown everyone into the car, the moment you turn the key they all say at the same time "Can we stop at the store, I need..." (the store is a whole other nightmare: A can't understand money and has spread all his bills across the counter trying to add it up, B lost her bankcard inside her handbag and is about to cry cause she thinks it was stolen, C is too busy acting like a baboon in the security cam to notice the cop car that just pulled in, D went to get candy but got sucked into the Twix selection and is hypnotized)
- the insistence pot is the cure for EVERYTHING. Your appendix burst and spread infected filth through your whole body? Weed heals nausea. Had your arm torn off by a train? Fuck doctors and big pharm, pot is proven to help joint pain. A mule kicked you in the balls? Smoke up, dude, it's like opium but better cause it's all natural.
- "How do you know if a hippie broke into your house? Cause they're still there when you get home." It's true, once those fuckers have smoked up and gotten settled down on the couch, you'll need an army of bikers with crow bars to get them out. There's always another lameass snow boarding vid they want to watch, or a Sponge Bob marathon, or Fear and Loathing just started on HBO. Then they get the munchies and decide they'll cook up a 5 course feast, acting like they're doing you a favor by emptying the fridge and wrecking the kitchen, all for some shitty guacamole recipe they got from some lot trash on tour in '97. And when you say "Hey man, it's been cool (a lie, it hasn't) but it's really late and my girl and I need to hit the sack" do they take the hint? Fuck no, they just sort of giggle and mumble and pretend to look for their stuff, then they get all disassociated and start talking about something totally different like "Hey, that reminds me, have you seen Bob lately?" Don't be fooled by this, they're not actually that baked, this is all just an act, a passive aggressive way of saying "I only live 4 blocks away but my place sucks plus the landlord is looking for me, they've got a sweet flatscreen so if I just lurk around long enough maybe they'll just sort of forget I'm here and let my lazy ass crash on their deluxe sofa that doesn't stink of tostito crumbs, weed sweat and semen, at least not yet. Then if I play my cards right I can hang around all morning too, eating toast, drinking coffee, showing off my harmonica skillz, and eyeballing your girlfriend before asking for a ride to some friend's place 40 miles away, where I'll rinse and repeat the whole thing"
