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What drug caused you most trouble?

As of late: Butalbital - APAP/butalbital/caffeine/codeine. 6 pills and I'm not me anymore, days of abuse and I lose control of my motherfing mind. I gotta watch that shit.

Before: Meth. Weeks and I was fucked. Just did not want to stop and the comedowns were so bad.
My first one no one warned me that I would want to KILL myself...
I could have fucked up my life good!! But I got a supply cut and forced myself away from it after my skin quit crawling and I didn't want to pull my hair out anymore...1 day off and that's what it was like. Such a horrible idea.
 
keta-keta-ketamine.

ive done drugs that were probably worse, ive done drugs more often, and ive done drugs that made me feel worse

but the fact is that i was dumping money on K, and not even enjoying it that much, just using it as an escape at 1g a day up the nose. Theres about 3 months that i do not remember at all, and i consider myself really lucky i didnt end up in jail, the hospital, or worse (I also used to drink heavily whenever id get holed). As it was, I dropped out of school for that semester, spent tons of money, alienated a few friends, drove quite a few more insane with my antics, and made a fool of myself in front of huge groups of people on several occaisons. I still get shit about it, three years later
 
*shakes her head* so many drugs out there that aren't bad, but too much can REALLY fuck shit up for people. I feel your pain...
 
Meth. Definitely meth.

I would hate to know how much money I've spent on it over the years. It would be more than a small fortune.
 
Alcohol again for me, spent the past five years drinking heavily two - four times a week, had a six month gap a year and a half ago when after a perticularly bad binge I ended up with Nephritis in one of my kidneys (an extremely unpleasant and scary experiance) though I slowly fell back into the patterns of drinking until about three months ago when it fully hit me how much anxiety, pain and paranoia alcohol had caused me over the past few years. I began seriously cutting back on alcohol after that point (just after I started uni) now I drink only two or three times a month and don't go into excess.

I've also been treating this alcoholism with LSD (which I've been doing once a week at fairly low doses for the past eight weeks) and It's really had a positive effect on my life, I no longer really want to drink alcohol and when I do have some, even one beer my brain just tells me "no" pretty much and I have no desire to drink, my desire to socialise has gone through the roof, I've had excellent sleep for the first time in what must be years and im starting to feel happy with my life aswell.. not to mention the fact I've gone down from 168 to 156 pounds from the decrease in calories and general motivation to live more healthily.

I think LSD could actually have a very practical application in terms of helping with issues like the one's I've had, im hopefully going to be done with this by january and give up drinking alltogether. Though I guess theres always the risk it could go the other way, i'd say I have quite an on the level mind as I usually can take acid in any setting, even distinctly bad one's as long as the dose is not very high and avoid bad trips.
 
DIESEL.....

got arrested 3 times in 7 months...
Caught 3 felony charges, first one got reduced to misdemeanor (poss. of a couple bags, i forget i think it was 6) only becuz of the location (high heroin area, if i got charged in the suburbs it woulda been much more serious.)
Got 6mos cond. discharge for that one. But even tho i got off easy as hell i didnt manage to stay outta trouble :| i was able to finish it out successfully even tho i got arrested again before it was complete, becuz they never found out becuz it was in a different county than i was on the C.D. in.

So after the 1st one i Got caught up in a conspiracy distribution scheme , got under investigation had my phone tapped n everything, when a kid tried to buy 50 OC80's, he was tryna get 100 of them and i said i could have if he had said it earlier which made me look even worse on the tapes, They had informatin sayin that I was the big fish of the area, thought i was on some Kingpin shit, their statement said i was like the queen of the area and was the main dealer for all the other dealers in town. all fake info that wasnt true...

got charged with distribution and consipircy to distribute, was facin 7 years in state prison, only thing that saved me was a technicality that my lawyer managed to find in the procedure they used when arrestin me...

Got hit with possession of a brick of heroin while still waitin for sentincing on the conspiracy charges. Hadnt even managed to make a plea deal yet and I was already popped on ANOTHER felony charge. *SMH*

During the time i was waitin for sentencing on the charges for the brick, i failed 2 piss tests in 4 mos at probation, both for heroin and almost got locked up right there at the probation office when my PO bugged out on me for fuckin up so much in such a short time. Nothin but a stroke of god (they say a stroke of luck but that was God workin, yo) saved my ass froim a VOP charge AND gettin my plea deal revoked and havin to face trial on the conspiracy to distribute charges again, this time doin a minimum of 2-3 years state time.

I finally straightened my ass out a lil and been clean 87 days yall...

But during this time I lost:
--my soul mate, who broke up with me 2 or 3 times durin the whole thing, becuz he couldnt stand wat i was doin to myself and how much i was in denial about it bein bad

--my familys trust, who had to find out i was using, and then think i was clean and find out i was usin, and think i was clean and find out i was usin, and find out i was usin again, and find out i was usin again, too many times to count durin the whole thing....Mothers will want so bad to believe you that they will ignore reality just so they dont have to think that their kid is shooting up heroin right under their nose.

--My education, i had got financial aid to go to beauty school becuz i couldnt afford it w/out the aid, but I got kicked out of school when I got caught bootin dope in the bathroom and had blood runnin down my arm, noddin in class thinkin i was lo key, and after i got kicked out i couldnt go to any other schools instead becuz i lost my finanancial aid becuz of my drug convictions.

--I smashed up my car, even tho i wasnt high on dope or nothin at the time, I had been on my way to cop dope and was dope sick and stressed cuz it was the day after i had got arrested the first time and my mind wasnt right. i still drove the car to paterson with smoke pourin out the hood and the shit smashed up to the windshield and copped dope with it ebfore i took it to my uncles bodyshop down the block from the dope spot tho lol. I was riskin another arrest right then n there but didnt want to admit it, drivin around with a LOOK AT ME sign on, coppin dope, shit any cop that seen me woulda been on my ass like white on rice.

Went to detox and sneaked in suboxones so i could hustle to the kids who just got admitted and was dopesick but couldnt get meds yet becuz they didnt see the dr. yet, and made enough money to cop dope on the way home from rehab the day i got released.

I OD'd more than a couple times but only one time bad enough for a ambulance, thank god, but after that i was like damn why u had to call the paramedics, now u threw out my dope i want that shit back. I was nice and high, why u go and fuck it up by callin them fools? Stuuuupid, ignant-ass dope head logic on my part.

I also cant get a job for shit with a 3-arrest, 2-felony conviction record. been to so many places that said im hired as long as the background check come up good and then i get the letter about sorry we aint got no open positions at this time.

all the money i got goes to pay the goddamn fines and probation and other bullshit.

The funny thing is that now i got scripts in my name of Adderall and Methadone that i take everyday and my interest in tryna get high is at about...zero....its funny to me that i dont ever even consider usin them to get fucked up, i guess becuz after shootin a fat shot of fire dope, the idea of shootin up shitty pharmaspeed dont really thrill u that much, and methadone, once u on it for a while u aint gettin high on it it just aint possible. But hands down no questions, heroin definately put me thru the tribulations , real talk. My own damn stupid fault tho. only thing i woudl want to do different is avoid the arrests somehow, cuz i learned alot from it and now ima use that to help the mutha fuckin world.
 
DIESEL.....

got arrested 3 times in 7 months...
Caught 3 felony charges, first one got reduced to misdemeanor (poss. of a couple bags, i forget i think it was 6) only becuz of the location (high heroin area, if i got charged in the suburbs it woulda been much more serious.)
Got 6mos cond. discharge for that one. But even tho i got off easy as hell i didnt manage to stay outta trouble :| i was able to finish it out successfully even tho i got arrested again before it was complete, becuz they never found out becuz it was in a different county than i was on the C.D. in.

So after the 1st charge, Possession of CDS(Heroin) i Got caught up in a conspiracy distribution scheme , got under investigation had my phone tapped n everything, when a kid tried to buy 50 OC80's, he was tryna get 100 of them and i said i could have if he had said it earlier which made me look even worse on the tapes, They had informatin sayin that I was the big fish of the area, thought i was on some Kingpin shit, their statement said i was like the queen of the area and was the main dealer for all the other dealers in town. all fake info that wasnt true...

got charged with Distribution of a controlled dangerous substance and Conspiracy To Distribute a controlled dangerous substance , was facin 7 years in state prison, only thing that saved me was a technicality that my lawyer managed to find in the procedure they used when arrestin me...Then 2 mos later I Got hit with Possession of Heroin (48 bags) Possession of drug paraphenelia (hypodermic syringes) and Possesion of a CDS (Marijuana) while I was still waitin for my sentencing on the conspiracy charges. Hadnt even managed to make a plea deal yet and I was already popped on ANOTHER felony charge. *SMH*

During the time i was waitin for sentencing on the charges for the brick, but after i had been sentenced for the conspiracy, i failed 2 piss tests in 4 mos at probation, both for heroin and almost got locked up right there at the probation office when my PO bugged out on me for fuckin up so much in such a short time. Nothin but a stroke of god (they say a stroke of luck but that was God workin, yo) saved my ass froim a VOP charge AND gettin my plea deal revoked and havin to face trial on the conspiracy to distribute charges again, this time doin a minimum of 2-3 years state time.

i also lost some more of the usual things us dopeheads lose, such as
--my soul mate, who broke up with me 2 or 3 times durin the whole thing, becuz he couldnt stand wat i was doin to myself and how much i was in denial about it bein bad

--my familys trust, who had to find out i was using, and then think i was clean and find out i was usin, and think i was clean and find out i was usin, and find out i was usin again, and find out i was usin again, too many times to count durin the whole thing....Mothers will want so bad to believe you that they will ignore reality just so they dont have to think that their kid is shooting up heroin right under their nose.

--My education, i had got financial aid to go to beauty school becuz i couldnt afford it w/out the aid, but I got kicked out of school when I got caught bootin dope in the bathroom and had blood runnin down my arm, noddin in class thinkin i was lo key, and after i got kicked out i couldnt go to any other schools instead becuz i lost my finanancial aid becuz of my drug convictions.

I finally straightened my ass out a lil and been clean 87 days yall...

But during this time I lost alot more than that. If you think the shit I already wrote was bad, which it aint really becuz most of us have some shit like that and its pretty normal for a dope user to have been thru that. but if u wana hear shit that makes the arrests sound like some kiddie shit click NSFW to find out. its mad long so i dont want to bore the ppl who dont wanna read a long ass post, but if you REALY wanna hear some of the shit I been thru cuz of dope, click the NSFW for some junkie tales from the hood.

NSFW:



But, the real story here, and i think this is more of one for the "my crazy life stories" thread, lol maybe ill repost it there too. One of the main things tho that coulda really fucked me a lot more than it did, was how I lost alot of my intelligence and common sense, i always been a dont give a fuck type of broad but i was runnin with alot of mutha fuckas who coulda got me put in jail just from association. I drove the car and let my boys ride with me, while they was strapped, and didnt think nothin of it. havin fuckin unlicensed guns in the car and shit on the regular...I made runs to wash heights to pick up O's of white and didnt blink a eye...carried big ass quantities of coke, dope, OC's, bein the driver for mad runs and shit and didnt even stress about it but how fucked would i have been if i got caught at the time?? On some major distribution with a unlicensed firearm type shit...Stupid, stupid shit....

chilled in the projects, on the blocks, all hours of the day and night, places where ppl was gettin shot n killed on the regular, dude got shot standin on the same exact spot i had been standin the night before and i was like wateva...didnt faze me. I coulda easily got killed accidentally becuz some of the dudes i rolled with on the regular was gang affiliated and had alot of beef in the area and was always on the lookout for ppl tryna start some shit, one time my dude had somebdoy lookin for him for a deal that went bad and im just chillin with him like i aint also gonna be fucked if the other dude comes back and tries to fire at my boy...

I almost got killed twice the first time when i put together a deal with some whiteboys tryna be big time and brought my hood niggas up to make the deal, but little did we know that the dumbass whiteboy with the money had bounced becuz 'we took too long to get there' , he didnt realize that it was serious shit becuz I was also white so he had no idea the type of shit i was into or who I rolled with. He thought it was just some regular pillhead shit, and would be expected since in the oxy world nobody ever is there when they say. But he had no idea wat he got his boys that stayed behind into.

WHen we heard they didnt have the money, we locked the doors and held up everybody in the house and made them call everyone they knew til we sold every single pill of those 100 that had been reserved for the bitchass who bounced with his money...But my boy was pissed at me becuz he felt i shoulda had the situation under control, Even tho the whiteboy had lied to me right before we got there and said the money was in his hands. But, I shoulda been more on point becuz when ur dealing with that type of shit, u cant play games and I should not of trusted the buyer as much as i did , even tho i had known him for like 5 years. Anyways, before the situation got fixed my homies boy was like lets shoot this bitch she fucked up, my dude was like na lets see if she gets the shit straightened out first cuz if we kill her then we gotta kill everybody here. I found that shit out later on after the fact how close i was to gettin smoked...And yet i kept hustlin....

Then When I got popped on the conspiracy bullshit I ended up with a contract out on me becuz "I" had lost the product and the several G's i was suppose to get for it since the cops took everything. (I never had the product in my hand once durin the entire thing, and my boy was the one who insisted on doin the deal even when i told him i didnt kno the buyer too well and would rather not.) But my boys higher ups got mad as hell when they found out wat happened and they fuckin DEPLOYED their dudes yo, lol. Muthafuckas was outisde my house, everything. Anyways, i left home so they would know to stay away from the crib and leave my family alone, and i told my fam to go stay somewhere else just in case. I didnt want nobody to know where i was at, including my folks, otherwise they woudl become targets if they knew becuz the ppl after me could hurt them to get information about me. So i had to be on some disappeared shit.

so then i spent a couple weeks on the run hidin from these mutha fuckas, sleepin in my car, washin in Mcdonalds bathrooms, carryin everything i had with me always lookin behind my back. and at this time i was still maintaining a dope addiction too, the night i got popped i got out and went to the dope spot and almost got popped again cuz i got stopped by the TNT dicks for bein in a drug area, got let go then went BACK out there n copped.

shot dope the whole time i was runnin, went from city to city , left NJ to stay in NY for a while, stayed with a wanted fugitive who had been on the run for a year, so SHE was always lookin for warrant squad and waitin for the cops to come and *I* was always lookin for these mutha fuckas who was supposedly trailin me to come kill my ass....Ill never forget one of the conversations we had while sittin in that bitch waitin for sudden death, we had a piece that was hidden in the roof but no ammo, knowin we got to shoot these dudes if they show up for me, but we also dopesick as hell..." so, we got 25 bucks, we could each get 2 and a half bags, it aint much but at least we could be less sick..Me: "But we need money for bullets!" ... It wasnt funny at the time but now that its over I still laugh thinkin about that.

Anyways, even tho i was gettin phonecalls lke 3 times a day talkin about "Bitch u better be ready cuz ur gonna have a fuckin AK47 against ur forehead when we find u" , finally i got shit to cool down by talkin to my codefendant who was the one associated with the fools that was after me and makin a deal with him. he said the real problem was they was worried i was gonna snitch them out and give up all the info which was bad becuz i knew alot and it wasnt just some dealers, it was a "organization" if u catch my drift. I never planned to do that shit but they wanted proof so i had to go to the police department and record myself makin a statement to them that i was takin responsibility for the whole thing and the other dudes involved had nothin to do with it and then they got off my ass and decided they was only gonna come after me again if i didnt pay back the money that was lost in the raid...

I finally went back home after livin in my car, livin in some ghetto ass , brokedown, no electricity no heat places in the middle of winter, no money no food, scratchin thru every day borrowin money, hustlin dope or weed for money, and so on. (never ho'ed my ass out tho, I can proudly say that to this day.) Shit eventually went back to normal after court passed and my codefendent seen that I was not gonna testify against him or his people.

A few weeks after that, I Went to detox and sneaked in suboxones so i could hustle to the kids who just got admitted and was dopesick but couldnt get meds yet becuz they didnt see the dr. yet, and made enough money to cop dope on the way home from rehab the day i got released. I kept gettin high til I got popped on the brick charge, and then stayed clean like a day and then got high some more til i got on probation and thats when life started gettin SLIGHTLY better. If u looked at it without knowin my story, and seen that i was on probo for a felony and still got 2 dirtys youd think i was in a bad spot but compared to where I had been at life was pretty good.

I OD'd more than a couple times thru all this, but only one time bad enough for a ambulance, thank god, but after that i was like damn why u had to call the paramedics, now u threw out my dope i want that shit back. I was nice and high, why u go and fuck it up by callin them fools? Stuuuupid, ignant-ass dope head logic on my part.

Even tho Im finally clean now and doin real good, I still cant get a job for shit with a 3-arrest, 2-felony conviction record. been to so many places that said im hired as long as the background check come up good and then i get the letter about sorry we aint got no open positions at this time.

all the money i got goes to pay the goddamn fines and probation and other bullshit.

When I think of the shit I use to do and the life I lived , everything seems so fuckin NORMAL now...Even tho to others it would seem like its kind of not normal at all, me bein a ex junkie on methadone, unemployed, bad record, etc. But to me its a dream of normalness.


The funny thing is that now i got scripts in my name of Adderall and Methadone that i take everyday and my interest in tryna get high is at about...zero....its funny to me that i dont ever even consider usin them to get fucked up, i guess becuz after shootin a fat shot of fire dope, the idea of shootin up shitty pharmaspeed dont really thrill u that much, and methadone, once u on it for a while u aint gettin high on it it just aint possible. But hands down no questions, heroin definately put me thru the tribulations , real talk. My own damn stupid fault tho. only thing i woudl want to do different is avoid the arrests somehow, cuz i learned alot from it and now ima use that to help the mutha fuckin world.
 
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Oh and I also forgot to add that I have lost several of my good friends to OD's and other dope related shit aswell....RIP "Oscar" and "s-dot"
 
gotta think and weigh the scales with much thought hmmmmm

trouble
. to disturb the mental calm and contentment of; worry; distress; agitate.
2. to put to inconvenience, exertion, pains, or the like: May I trouble you to shut the door?
3. to cause bodily pain, discomfort, or disorder to; afflict: to be troubled by arthritis.
4. to annoy, vex, or bother: Don't trouble her with petty complaints now.
5. to disturb, agitate, or stir up so as to make turbid, as water or wine: A heavy gale troubled the ocean waters


pandoras box i dont want to think about it, troubles trouble

too go out of my way and most time spent doing and scoring it prolly would be weed
alcohol i done some fucked up shit, but it has never caused me a problem that involved the law, no dui's or shit
but who knows maybe i got an std from some drunk love, i always was careful with the safe sex though, but ya never no
 
I gotta admit, besides methamphetamine, benzos have caused me a lot of trouble over the years. I'm hopelessly dependant on them. Plus, whenever I take an excessive dose of clonazepam I have a habit of spilling all my drug-related secrets to my parents. Clonazepam causes me to not give a fuck about anything, which I tend to later regret.
 
Sweet P said:
Plus, whenever I take an excessive dose of clonazepam I have a habit of spilling all my drug-related secrets to my parents. Clonazepam causes me to not give a fuck about anything, which I tend to later regret.
Click to expand...

lolol..sorry, but i do the same thing...people are like, "girl, chill".....or "you said the most mean and hurtful things to me last night ....and then you just passed out" and/or like the next morning is the worst when you can barely roll outta bed and then you walk out and everyone's standin in the kitchen starin at your ass like "um.it's time for a talk" ..haha..ugh, oh god...

but, boy, junk , smack..whatev..was/IS my biggest problem child. i gotta learn to get outta this grip. for real.
 
Benzos have made me do some stupid shit that I regret, especially when I drink on them......but I would have to say duster, hit it while driving (very stupid fucking idea) while on ~120mg oxy, lunesta, alcohol, and kinda blacked out, hit a tree in a parking lot at night and totally fucked up my hip. Still in wheelchair and have to use a walker to hop around.....At least I get my opiods for free now! LOL I'm such a junkie
 
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