a lot of drugs have fucked me up at different times in my life. alcohol- i was a crazy, moody blackout drunk. i would get into verbal fights and kick through doors and do all sorts of outrageous and stupid things that make me cringe only having sketchy memories of. i drove too many times, slept with too many guys, and did things that horrified my friends and family. i rarely drink now. ambien- i got crazy with this on accident. i wasnt aware of the anterograde amnesia and the ability to do all sorts of things without remembering and taking the drug thinking that i was going to sleep but waking up in wierd states and being told by roommates that i was out driving all night. i dont know how i didnt get a dui or hurt myself or anyone else. crack- i didnt start with coke, i got dumped into a major crack scene when i moved once. i did it constantly and crack doesnt usually attract bright people (except im an educated, preppy little white girl) and i became a known associate to many criminals and dealers. small town cops know everything. i spent all my money on it, got evicted from two apartments, bounced a million checks, stole my moms credit card, severely effected a good job by calling in and putting my patients at risk by going to work high. i lied to everyone and just wanted more and more. i narrowly missed being caught in a raid. i also fucked up the only relationship ive had that i was truly in love and was ment to be with that person. he tried to protect me, get angry at me, bust me out for lying, cry with me and he let me go but he still helped my mom clean up my mess as my life exploded. i also was involved in a major robbery of a dealers place. i had severe emotional effects. i moved away and it stopped only for me to wind up surrounded by it yet again. the money and the mental anguish was horrible. the shit i was around was crappy and would leave me in massive panic and depression and guilt. i would feel so low and worthless that i would end up calling my mom in tears and it became a matter of i-can-only-take-one-more-of-these-calls-before-i-let-you-go because no matter how awful it was, i was powerless to resist it. ive moved again and i feel relieved to not be surrounded by it. i know where it is but i dont want that crap anymore. too much damage. ill wrap this up but quick, im addicted to prescription stimulants. i just get in a mode and go and go to the point of no return. i mean way beyond a comfortable fun high. i did 150 20mg ritalin in less than a week once. i experienced being amped to the point that my body was going crazy and i became an emotional trainwreck, i already have bipolar. i would get panic, paranoia, angry, and would sob and sob. i had a pretty big psychotic break. that was a year ago. however, i talked my way into an adderall script last week. i like drugs and believe you can have fun but i apparently have this thing that i need to take everything to extremes.
). One from being so fucked that when I tripped over in a club I just landed on my face and the lightning shaped one came from getting banged out because I went up to a shady fucker, for no reason and pulled his bike mask down from over his face !?!?!? IDIOT! (said incident has also left me with a lump on my jaw bone from where i think it was fractured somewhat, I was so drunk that after going to hospital to be fixed up I got bored and just left because I wanted to come home for a spliff 
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