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What does the expression "you are really taking this to heart" mean to you ?

mydrugbuddy

mydrugbuddy

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What does the expression "you are really taking this to heart" mean to you ?

I find this a baffling expression, If someone directly critcices you, whether in a professinal manner, or in all together nastier verblly abusive hurtful kind of way, how could you 'not take it to heart'

I have an awful lot to learn about dealing with and coping with things when they go wrong. Wish i had a wise elder brother orsomething to teach me, the things i need to know about coping. I know everyone has shit to dlea with, but its all about how you deal with it isnt it.

I presume not taking it to heart, means trying to look at the statement objectively and logically, and not from an emotionally hurt angle.

Easier said that done.

Anyone know of any good counsellors in the NW England area who may be able to help people with "life skills" deficiencies or problems. I belive /hope its just a matter of learning new ways of thinking and responding to the difficulties life inevitably throws our way from time to time....
 
Well there is a difference between constructive criticism, and simply putting someone down. And to take it to heart means to me that you are impacted by it in more than a superficial way.

This is not always a bad thing. If theres a flaw you have that needs correcting, you should be THANKFUL to have it pointed out, so that you can live a better way. Although once again, some people can criticize in the most tactless way imaginable, in which case it definitely can do more harm than good. But then again, their motive is more important: if they seek to hurt you by saying such things, disregard it. If they seek to HELP YOU by making such a comment, then you SHOULD "take it to heart."

And another expression that is somewhat relevant: when someone says "dont take it personally," Its not meant to be an affront to you. Remember that the motives behind it can be just as important as the words they spew.

Just remember "taking it to heart" does not need to be a bad thing. If you take to heart a good, better, improved way of doing something or living or whatever, thats a positive thing. If you take to heart all the negative words someone says instead such as "failure, miserable, etc" then its going to do you no good. Try to only take to heart positives, not negatives.
 
What DooMMood said above was an excellent distillation of how you should take criticism/advice. For myself, I have a terrible time taking non-constructive criticism. I try to take my ego out of it, but I can't help but feel undermined by some of the completely negative shit my bosses have said at times. It really affects me. I know it's bullshit, but it takes me a while to get over my anger and disappointment. I think that one reason why I get that way is because I actually feel incompetent deep-down, and when they say some of their shit it just confirms my own perception of my short-comings. So it really ends of being how I feel about myself and not so much what they say to me. I'm trying to deal with some of the bullshit ways I view myself in therapy. It's a long process.
 
I did begin reasearching local counsellors, and drawing up short lists a while ago now. Like many people though, i go through phases, sometimes evrything feels wrong, and i know i need some help 'to sort my head out'. Then suddenly i can wake up one day feeling much brighter and more postive, and all thoughts of fiding a counsellor get shelved. It seems to be roughly one month cycles, alternating between feeling ok and feeling fucked up and all wrong. I hate myself when i dont feel right, my attitude stinks, the little self confidence or self respect i somettimes begin to build up gets wiped out, and i start acting like a total dick, of course im responsible for my own behaviour but i feel as if i cant help it, when i get stuck in one of these ruts.

I think I'll try and compile a shortlist this weekend and start arranging appoinments, and will attend whether my mood turns up or down or whatever.
 
You look them straight back in the eyes and wonder what they do that there either ashamed or not socially acceptable
 
methyldreams said:
You look them straight back in the eyes and wonder what they do that there either ashamed or not socially acceptable
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:?eh

You mean look at the person, and judge their feelings - could be any thing from kindness, concern, anger, spite, bitterness, jealousy etc...Is that what you mean ?

(I sometimes find it very hard to find the strength of spirit to do that, if ive just been dealt a heavy psycholgical hit. I hate being so up and down, sometimes weak and pathetic, i like myself when i feel as if ive found some strength and determination, i need to find some way of maintaining and holding on to those fleeting strengths at all times - ive often found its when your at your weakest or lowest that some cunt will have a go at you, correctly judging that you are an easy, defenceless traget. But when Im 'up for it' I dont think anyones ever 'had a go' at me). I sometimes wish someone would have a go at me when i was 'up for it', it would be a great excuse to avenge all those times ive failed to stand up for myself, and just pathetically held on to feelings of resenment for ages afterwards.

Its very obvious, but its taken me a long time to learn, that you must stick uo for yourself, for your own self respect, otherwise your gonna be stuck feeling resentful and angry for ages. That was one shit piece of advice my parents gave me when i was younger "just ignore them". That does not work for me. :X:!
 
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There are a lot of qualifying statements that are counterproductive to good communication but they get used by some people who are otherwise good communicators sometimes.

"Don't take this personally. . . "

"I'm not accusing you, but . . . "

Communication is an awkward business for all involved. My super idealized therapists would be Eric Berne or maybe Milton Ericson. They have both been dead several decades and even if they were alive I think both of them could make an inelegant on occasion. I can be an extreme nitpicker. A therapeutic relationship involves a certain amount of slack, not just therapist to client, but client to therapist as well.

Anyone, OP included, that is invested in having a therapist that makes no mis-steps has plotted a coarse towards deep disappointment. Perhaps that was the plan all along.
 
Sorry was being lazy I should have explained what I meant really by my reply.

I'm not the best in english so you will have to deal with that. I'l be back in a few minutes with what I really meant to say :)
 
Perhaps that was the plan all along refers to the fact that people engage therapists for ul·te·ri·or reasons a times. Sometimes the person who initiated therapy has complicated and unstated reasons they would like the therapy to fail. BL TDS guidelines indicate that I ought not diagnose or push any particular treatment. I don't know you, I think I see a pattern I've seen before. Engage a therapist. Nitpick them to death, then say "I made a good faith effort". A good chance that it doesn't apply to you, but I think worthy of discussion.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
:?eh

You mean look at the person, and judge their feelings - could be any thing from kindness, concern, anger, spite, bitterness, jealousy etc...Is that what you mean ?

Its very obvious, but its taken me a long time to learn, that you must stick uo for yourself, for your own self respect, otherwise your gonna be stuck feeling resentful and angry for ages. That was one shit piece of advice my parents gave me when i was younger "just ignore them". That does not work for me. :X:!
Click to expand...

No I mean they are just like you, and I don't think have any right telling you what to do. I'v had to deal with heaps of occasions when people give me that feeling they are thinking your a piece of scum and are falsely acting the way they are to you cause that's what there paid for. The way I deal with it is to wonder to myself, look at them up and down and what's in there office and imagine what kind of life they live.

And yes the only person who is going to look out for you is you.
 
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I can't pull off being an elder brother but I can at least fit the bill as far as the elder part goes.;)


I presume not taking it to heart, means trying to look at the statement objectively and logically, and not from an emotionally hurt angle.
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I think this is a very good summation of what it means if someone says it following or preceding some kind of criticism or advice. Sometimes, though it can mean you really integrated something. For instance if someone gives you the advice to be more appreciative and then they see you actually implementing that by being kind or thoughtful, they may say, "Wow, you really took that to heart." In this case it is meant as a compliment to you for actually putting the advice into practice.

Hope that helps.<3
 
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