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What do your cravings feel like?

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deuce85

Greenlighter
Joined
May 1, 2014
Messages
43
Hey everyone. I have been sober for about 5 years. I am still getting cravings or what I think are cravings. I thought it was behind me as I felt good for about three months. Damn I thought it was behind me. This past week has been rough. It is an intense fear that takes over my body and tries to trick me into thinking I want to use. The thing is it stays with me for about a week varying in intensity. A lot of it is rooted in fear. Afraid I am going to crack one day. I am sick of this shit. I thought I could move on after 5 years and build a new life, but this is an aspect that holds me back. I am sick of trying to find a new way and answers. I just wanted to hear from y'all if you want to share on what your cravings are like? How long they last and what they feel like ? Thanks everyone
 
Its the emotional escape and numbness that I crave. The who gives a f*ck feeling. A nice cozy blanket and everything feels just right. The absolute utter feeling of pure contentness while doing anything or nothing at all!
 
Thanks for the responses. I will hang in there. Just wish I could change it so where it never comes up. The way it plays on me is through my anxiety. Stuff it says like you will use today. How are you going to make it through these cravings? These cravings feel worse than the last episode.l? What if I use? Oh shit? What if I can't stay sober? What if it can't make it through today. What if what if what if. And it always feels worse than the last


Thing is I really do not want to use though
 
Never really discontent for me. More fear based, but i can see how the discontent can get ya. How long do the cravings last for everyone?
 
My cravings feel like nostalgia that creates emptiness and longing in me. What works to beat the cravings for me is simply going into my garden and finding something to do. I notice they pass quickly.

Cravings are always going to be a part of you. I would highly suggest finding a hobby. Making the changes you want in your life would also be very helpful.
 
I have dreams about using drugs even just smoking herb, or tripping on acid or mushrooms, drinking alcohol, taking Amphetamines, and taking pharmaceutical opiates, or using coke.

Or when I'm awake I'll think about how nice it would be to be stoned, tripping on acid or mushrooms, to drink some beer, wine, or liquor, or to take pharmaceutical opiates or pharmaceutical amphetamines.

Like you I've been sober from alcohol for about 5 years. With the other drugs like opiates, amphetamine, LSD and mushrooms I have not used any of those in over a decade or more. With herb it's been over a decade since I smoked any and 5 years since I vaped any.

I just focus on other things, and realize that the cravings will pass. Good luck and congratulations.
 
I've got just over 6 weeks clean after a 3-year heroin habit. But I've been trying to quit for over a year now. The only thing that's let me even get 6 weeks is my recent decision to get on suboxone to control my cravings. the cravings are the absolute killer for me in terms of failing to stay quit. And I've thought a lot about how to describe heroin craving as I experience it. Here are a few blurbs.

Metaphorically speaking, the experience is like knowing that my best friend's incredibly gorgeous and sexually voracious wife absolutely wants to fuck my brains out. All I have to do is climb into bed, getting under the heavy down comforter she's waiting under. I know in every conceivable way that doing this is a *terrible* idea...a terrible thing to do, period. The closer I get to doing it, the worse I feel about myself. But eventually, I tell myself, "aw fuck it, you're a shitty person anyway...prove everyone right." and then it's game over.

Another metaphor, this time for trying to banish a craving from my thoughts. Imagine you get a phone call. It's a friend of a friend...someone you know isn't a total nut, but you don't know much more than that about him. He says, look, I know this is crazy but I *need* cash right away (say for surgery or something). Our mutual friend says you like fast cars. Well, I have this BMW M3 that's got 500 miles on it; nearly new. I'll sell it to you for $1000 if you can give me the money within an hour. ... Trying to get past a craving is like trying not to think about that phone call for the next hour. I know it's probably a scam. There's almost 0% probability that I'm gonna actually buy the BMW. But just try not thinking about it. The worse the craving is, the more valuable the item for sale is (a guitar, a car, a house, etc...) and the shorter the putative waiting period, which increases urgency.

Those are both metaphors, but I think they conjure the experience not too badly, at least as I have it.

More literally, if a strong craving is coming on, I usually get very very depressed. I know that fixing a good shot of dope will make the depression abate. The longer I hold off, the more depressed I get. It's as simple as that. The metaphors I used above just mimic the head games I play to overcome what little judgment I have during the depression.
 
^^^^
+1. I really like the metaphors. It reminds me of the metaphor I use for entering into the process of relapsing.

The metaphor: You see a beautiful woman that is down to go low and you are really turned on (craving/relapse mentality). You start a relationship with her (using). She turns out to be a cruel bitch godess with ice cold feet that always wants to just cuddle (active use).
 
nice details, chef! she just wants to cuddle--that's brilliant. never would have thought of that, but it really gets the experience right. b/c cuddling is nice. who doesn't like a good cuddle? but it's decidedly not what you've signed up for in this situation! there's always that letdown.
 
My cravings feel like a mix of excitement and opiate withdrawal. Mentally I get very excited and twitchy. My body starts feeling very cold, then nose starts running and my hair stands on end. If I don't act on the craving I will feel miserable for a few minutes before it slowly fades away. But if I act on it even just a little bit the seed will be planted and I usually ended up doing heroin.
 
simco said:
nice details, chef! she just wants to cuddle--that's brilliant. never would have thought of that, but it really gets the experience right. b/c cuddling is nice. who doesn't like a good cuddle? but it's decidedly not what you've signed up for in this situation! there's always that letdown.
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Ever since I got clean I struggle with feeling comfortable when being touched. From anything from a handshake to a hug or cuddling. :|

I'm working past it with my significant other.
 
Damn guys thanks for the responses. Simco awesome metaphors you used. Unfortunately for me my cravings seem different than yours. Can cravings last all day because mine seem to do. Or maybe they are not cravings, but the mental obsession I hear about. iTs like a rage anxiety in my chest that scares me with all these scenarios. This shit last a few days or a week or so. I went to a couple of shrinks and a couple said it was obsession about the fear of use because they told me in rehab I would die without 12 steps. Another shrink told me it was the mental obsession and I was going to relapse without AA. It is annoying and scary whatever it is and I just want to get past it.
 
I am inclined to agree with the fact that it is obsession. I still have days in which it is all I can think about and I really have to work hard to not use. This is part of being an addict. It is like your brain really wants to just be high. I become obsessed with aspects of my addiction. For instance the act of preparing a shot. I probably wouldn't even do the shot, but the ritual of preparing it used to always calm me.

I cannot disagree more with the idea that if you aren't twelve stepping, you are dying. Each person is different, and twelve steps don't always work for everyone. I for one don't get much out of working the steps, but I do appreciate the fellowship.
 
Thanks guys for the responses. Yeah the obsession is a bitch to deal with. Question is how to get rid of it all together or can you? I have some days where I do not fee like an addict at all. Sometimes this way for months. Other weeks the obsession is there all day. I just wish I could go on like a person who does not obsess over this at all. I do not even want to use but I guess my brain does. But it's been 5 years. Damn. Anyway some people say the obsession is still there because I think I can drink like a normal person. I never had a problem with drinking it was opiates. But people say the obsession will not go away until you realize you cannot drink like a normal person. I drank about 7 times total since I have been clean. Four months ago was the last time. I love coming on here and hearing from everyone about this stuff because it truly does help.
 
manboychef said:
I am inclined to agree with the fact that it is obsession. I still have days in which it is all I can think about and I really have to work hard to not use. This is part of being an addict. It is like your brain really wants to just be high. I become obsessed with aspects of my addiction. For instance the act of preparing a shot. I probably wouldn't even do the shot, but the ritual of preparing it used to always calm me.

I cannot disagree more with the idea that if you aren't twelve stepping, you are dying. Each person is different, and twelve steps don't always work for everyone. I for one don't get much out of working the steps, but I do appreciate the fellowship.
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I also tend to obsess over things at times. It's not fun but I distract myself in other ways besides using.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I also tend to obsess over things at times. It's not fun but I distract myself in other ways
besides using.
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I hear ya man, but mine obsessions are happening constantly. They drive me crazy and make it seem overbearing. I just want to cure them and recover instead of being in recovery. I just want to be calm and know I will not relapse. It is always hanging over my head. Thanks for the input.
 
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