What is your preconception of death?
As for morality I've given that up for lent.
Intended death with disregard for others is immoral. That is my preconceptual idea of death. In any other natural sense is fine, but when the person shows a lack of care for the others around him then I have an issue.
I don't particularly like talking about my family life, but it seems the best example I can draw is exactly that.
My father developed colon cancer at age 15. He was undiagnosed until 21, when I was born. I spent much of my younger years watching him try and hold himself together in a losing battle. He was addicted to painkillers, overdosing once in front of me. He prayed that God would take it away, and of course, he didn't. Might I add that dad was a devout Christian.
Now, when I was 8 turning 9, my grandmother called my family at night to tell us that we needed to come over (parents were divorced when I was five). I had no idea that I'd walk in on my father half naked, laying in his hospital bed. He looked around 5'8 instead of his normal 6'3. His eyes were yellow and cracked slightly. I stared at him like he was only asleep, pressed my head on his chest and still felt warmth, unusual warmth considering he was dead. His friends were around me sobbing uncontrollably.
His death was natural, and while it negatively impacted people around him, it was not his intent. He died of natural cause, cancer.
Had he killed himself, then I could have forgiven him, but even now I blame him for leaving me alone. It wasn't his fault. I cry easily when I see friends with their fathers. It is like everyone has one but me (though I now have a stepfather). His death instilled a sense of mortality in me. Like anything could happen. I am in no way safe, and am in every way in danger.
This demanded my idea of death. He didn't want to die. He cried and cried at the thought. Repeated failed surgeries, experimental drugs, pain 24/7. He wanted to live so badly yet it was ripped from him like a sheet froma bed. He died not knowing if I would remember him.
I hope you have a family that understands, but if you truly want death it is best not to have one at all. I want so badly for you to be well, for your sake and the sake of others around you. However I don't know you or your circumstance, and I will respect ny decision you make simply because I am not inside your head.
Death is bad when arrogance or blindness is at play, but if recognition of the effects it will have without intent to hurt anyone besides yourself, then death is acceptable. But it only does good for one person. If there is an afterlife, that is all you need. Relief, and you can have it anyway you want, just keep in mind others who might care.
What happned to my father was nothing special though. It happens a lot I'm sure. I'm just a pussy so it affected me badly. I only want to live for my family and the slim chance I could make a difference in something. I have only tried to kill myself once via overdose. Fortunately I threw up the xanax before I could down my bottle.
Don't think of me as a pity seeker guys, I got over that stage hence why I discussed so little. Just trying to explain why I feel the way that I do about death.
Actually xanax sounds fucking great right now.