what do you get with a bipolar, anxiety, and BPD who is PMSing off their meds.....

I have been off meds for a week now. They were bad for me but now I am med free with Anxiety, Bipolar, and BPD. Ever hung out with someone like that? Well try hanging out with one who is on the verge of their period so MORE irritable with PMS.

So, I'm wound up. So guess what happens? My girlfriend tells me that her mother is trying to convince her to stay in her city. Which for a whole 5mins I thought was successful. I am worried that it could happen if she stays much longer and that winds me up more because we have plans and her mom is making it seem like I am just another girl who is going to bring her here and dump her and she'll get all messed up again over another girl. In turn, yes brainwashing her. She doesn't see it really. She says she's still moving here, and so I'm fine right now but I am worried that come August 31st, its not gonna happen. She'll just come for another visit and that's it....go home after a few days.

I know she is just sharing her thoughts with me on all this but I am paranoid and have trust issues off my meds. This is NOT helping anything. It got so bad that I was searching my medicine cabinet for a clonazepam which I know basically wouldn't be there but was hoping.

I am not sure if I want to scream, yell, cry or just really hug her and not let go. Well not yell or scream or cry at her...just in general.

I so need a fucking joint. haha. I can't smoke though, my kids are around and I don't have any, and I'm pretty much broke right now. Oh well. I guess breathing and such will have to do. I am sure she'll make me laugh my ass off later.

I fucking hate stress and paranoia.

I fucking love her though.

 

Breathing can be pretty good. Very calming. When the breath is relaxed, and when one is focused on little more than one's breath, relaxation and centering just kind of come.

Sit in a comfortable place, in whatever manner you need so that you can be comfortable for a solid 10 minutes. Set a timer if needs be. A quiet place is best, if possible. Start by closing your eyes and just focusing on the rhythm of your breath. Don't change it yet; just observe. In... out. Thoughts may enter, but try to focus on your breathing. Don't push the thoughts away, but just draw your awareness back to your breath. Since I'm split pretty evenly between visual and linguistic patterns, I like to both visualize the gas entering and leaving my body, while quietly vocalizing to myself "in... out.....".

Once you're able to focus on your breath for a little while, you'll notice that it has probably already slowed down of its own accord. Don't slow it down further just yet, but rather focus on deepening and widening the breath. Breathe in through the belly, lower ribs, and upper chest, while also breathing out into the side ribs and armpits. Don't worry about retaining the breath at all, just breathe in every last bit of air that you can, and then breathe out fully. Squeeze every last drop of air out of your lungs by strongly activating the lower abdominals; below the belly button. Focus on the deep and wide breath, and if any other thoughts come along, notice them, but let them pass away like clouds on a summer day.

Trust me, the 10 minutes will fly by, and you'll feel great afterwards. In time, you could do longer sessions as well. While this isn't meditation proper, it is a recognized form of deep relaxation which is the gateway to meditation, and is the first step toward learning the rudiments of breath control. The real boon, in addition to better pulmonary health and having a means to relax, is that with practise you can channel that relaxation very quickly in times of need.

 

thanks Dave!