What do you do?

[shoosT]

I feel like each and everyday is a struggle.

I have a wonderful girlfriend, a loving family, and I'm going to the college of my dreams. Yet, I have no motivation to wake up each morning.

It feels as if I am just continuing life for everyone else, I've lost all ability to feel anything for this world. I feel so detached, so alone, so empty. Nothing seems to make me feel as good as it used to, the beauty of this earth has lost itself.

I don't even feel like I can blame drugs solely for my problems anymore. I'm not stealing (as I used to) for drugs anymore, as that was what used to bring me all my problems. Now life is perfect, but yet I feel broken.

Drugs are the only thing that can help me cope at the moment. I look in my girlfriend's eyes and I know that I love her, yet I feel like I would easily choose to shoot up rather than spend time with her. I'm so numb and just gone.

I feel like I'm slowly deteoriating and that one day, I'm going to lose my will to live. I'm scared and feel that it is closer to approaching than it has been in the past.

If anyone has seen the movie, The Science of Sleep, I can associate myself feeling like Stephane. He has no purpose in life, no sense of direction, and feels as if his dreams are better than reality. He chooses to focus on his imagination and the fantasies he creates rather than dealing with his weak existence.

What's the point of waking up if your dreams are better than reality?

 

[RedRum OG]

i feel exactly the same way. jsut turning 18, love my girl so strongly, about to go to a good college to start a career. but it all seems like a waste. those feelings of worthlessness come from nowhere but theyre horrible.

and i get the drug thing... i havent been sober for more than a week since i started getting depressed. here are some things that have helped me a bit though: lift weights, volunteer, learn to do something intricate/complicated. force yourself to go out and socialize. theres gottta be happiness out there somehwere.

the key is to distract yourself/lose yourself, and get more into other people. and just to maintain the mindset that the way you feel like this is because of an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.. because really life is good for both of us even if we cant see it that way

 

[Ixchellian]

I'm sorry.... but I have little sympathy here, except for the fact that I know why you feel like nothing.

It's the drugs, numbnuts.
I did the same thing. I had a beautiful & loving wife, a solid career with a fresh reenlistment, and two combat tours under my belt.

It's taken me a long time, but I had to hit absolutely rock-bottom to get out.

Don't let yourself get to where I was. Pay attention to that girlfriend because no matter how wonderful she is, I guarantee you she won't stick around playing second fiddle to drugs. Do your fuckin' college classes right, because in this economy if you drop out, there's nothing to catch you. Even if I wasn't a fucked-up vet, I still couldn't find a burger-flipping or cart-pushing job. THAT's how bad it is.

Don't become a poetic victim of your own addiction. As Burroughs quotes Hassan e' Sabbah; "Nothing is true, everything is permitted".

Bro, if you lose what you have because of this addiction, no matter how much of a gimp I am, imma come an powerbomb you onto a cinderblock. >_>

 

[brandy42]

It only gets worse after college and you have to fight for legal employment.

Sorry, if this is not what you wanted to read.

 

[OpiYum]

I suffer from the same poor attitude towards wanting to live life. My only real goals are to outlive my parents and to not go to jail for a felony. I feel like I wasn't like this until I abused opiates for many years.

This is why I feel like opiates are the devil-- opiates gradually and subtly destroy my love for people and reality, basically opiates eat away at my soul and then I lose myself.

I lose my "fire", my spirit, my zest for life, my preferences, things that make me me. I just stop caring and become every other ignorant asshole who makes this world so cruel and harsh that people need to use opiates or other drugs to compensate for my careless actions/words/behavior. I pretty much embrace and become the problem/source of pain that got me started w/using opiates.

So ironic and I despise myself for this at times, but then I use to get rid of the awful guilt and negative feelings.

 

[shoosT]

I'm sorry.... but I have little sympathy here, except for the fact that I know why you feel like nothing.

It's the drugs, numbnuts.
I did the same thing. I had a beautiful & loving wife, a solid career with a fresh reenlistment, and two combat tours under my belt.

It's taken me a long time, but I had to hit absolutely rock-bottom to get out.

Don't let yourself get to where I was. Pay attention to that girlfriend because no matter how wonderful she is, I guarantee you she won't stick around playing second fiddle to drugs. Do your fuckin' college classes right, because in this economy if you drop out, there's nothing to catch you. Even if I wasn't a fucked-up vet, I still couldn't find a burger-flipping or cart-pushing job. THAT's how bad it is.

Don't become a poetic victim of your own addiction. As Burroughs quotes Hassan e' Sabbah; "Nothing is true, everything is permitted".

Bro, if you lose what you have because of this addiction, no matter how much of a gimp I am, imma come an powerbomb you onto a cinderblock. >_>

I realize how my "problems" may seem small to some, but to me they affect the entirety of my life. I understand you are just giving your experience, but at this point it isn't about saving the girl, getting a good job, or anything else. It's about saving me. I lack the motivation to save my girl, to go to college. I just don't see the point in life anymore and I feel empty. It feels as if time is just counting down until I eventually succumb to my depression. That's why I'm asking for help.

But, thank you. You help me to realize that my problems aren't as big as other peoples. A swift kick in the ass is pretty much what I need, but I'm not sure if it will even have the desired effect at this point.

I suffer from the same poor attitude towards wanting to live life. My only real goals are to outlive my parents and to not go to jail for a felony. I feel like I wasn't like this until I abused opiates for many years.

This is why I feel like opiates are the devil-- opiates gradually and subtly destroy my love for people and reality, basically opiates eat away at my soul and then I lose myself.

I lose my "fire", my spirit, my zest for life, my preferences, things that make me me. I just stop caring and become every other ignorant asshole who makes this world so cruel and harsh that people need to use opiates or other drugs to compensate for my careless actions/words/behavior. I pretty much embrace and become the problem/source of pain that got me started w/using opiates.

So ironic and I despise myself for this at times, but then I use to get rid of the awful guilt and negative feelings.

Yes! Way to take the words out of my mouth. The only thing that makes me feel good anymore is a fat shot of oxy, roxy, h, or some other opiate. They rot you whole, making everything else blur in comparison.

The opiates are making me numb. They make me sit in the backseat while someone else takes the driver's seat of my life. I have no control. I just feel so empty without the intense emotions I used to feel before opiates.

i feel exactly the same way. jsut turning 18, love my girl so strongly, about to go to a good college to start a career. but it all seems like a waste. those feelings of worthlessness come from nowhere but theyre horrible.

and i get the drug thing... i havent been sober for more than a week since i started getting depressed. here are some things that have helped me a bit though: lift weights, volunteer, learn to do something intricate/complicated. force yourself to go out and socialize. theres gottta be happiness out there somehwere.

the key is to distract yourself/lose yourself, and get more into other people. and just to maintain the mindset that the way you feel like this is because of an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.. because really life is good for both of us even if we cant see it that way

I appreciate the advice, and hope that you are doing better. Thanks for the suggestions, working out does always make me think a lot less. I socialize; however, I am forcing myself to. I don't feel as if my "friends" really care about me and they are more so people to get fucked up with.

Thanks again everyone, and hope you all have a great day.

 

[Ixchellian]

Hey.... I'm not minimizing your problem, because it's the same as mine. Addiction to opiates is a straight wrecking-ball to anyone's life, no matter how better off they are compared to someone else. Addiction is a great equalizer, it turns us all into base junkies.
If you want to trade lives though, I'll gladly give you mine.