What do I do? where can I hide?

[Ridethecircuswheel]

Hello...

I've been a bluelight member since last year and for this past year, sigh, I've been experimenting with opiates and heroin. I've been shooting heroin atleast once a day since January. I never thought I would become an addict but, of course, I am one now. If I haven't used in 24 hours I shiver every 3 seconds (very uncomfortable) and kick my legs like they need to be ripped from torso to provide comfort. I cannot find suboxone. I cannot get methadone.. Sometimes I just want to end it.

Honestly, if I didn't have a job and a reputation to keep up, I would have no problem quitting. Staying home and laying in bed would be great for 3 days.. but unfortunately that is not the case.

On saturday I work a 24 hour shift. Don't worry. It's basically being a receptionist. Very simple.
Tuesday and thursday I work 8am to 4pm and I find that job very stressful and difficult and if I don't use I withdrawal at my post (i'm security) and sweat very hard and cannot keep my eyes of the clock and everybody looks at me weird. I'm disrespected and treated like shit at this job and it just makes me want to use. SO... my schedule consists of maybe a day of rest in between these shifts. I cannot find a good time to kick the dope habit!

My girlfriend who is a user and I just broke up with got clean but she didn't have a care in the world to worry about. Sometimes I just want to scream. I want to run. I want to hide. I can't. Sometimes I just want to go to the hospital and tell them that I'm a suicidal addict.. What would they do? probably nothing.

I have insurance.. but I never have any money.. so I dn't hink i could pay for suboxone or methadone even if I could get it.

what can i do?

 

[youdontknow]

Relax... Smile. It's all good. Life gets harder and harder as you age, but remember someone out there is going through the same thing and worse. Find comfort in that. Listen to good music. With deep meaning, and relate to it. It's all a struggle. Tomorrow is a new day. A new life, if you want. Treat it as so.

 

[herbavore]

Since you have insurance, I think that it would not be a bad idea to start looking at your options for going somewhere to detox and get help in quitting. The longer you let it go on, the more difficult. I know that your job is probably a great concern but your life is more important than employment. Maybe you could take a medical leave?

Right now everything looks bleak and I can hear the exhaustion and discouragement in your post, but hang in there and see if you can start on a path to get some help.

 

[topekoms18]

The FDA (united states food and drug administration) are looking into approving ketamine for use as an antidepressant and for use in detoxing from opiates. Apparently ketamine allows a person two stop using heroin without withdrawal effects. Probably not appropriate to be talking about chipping at this point, but can you use enough to not get sick, atleast until you're in a better position to go to a detox?

 

[xxsicknessxx]

whats more important your reputation and job or your life? If your sober you will save money, work will be more easy, you'll feel better....
Maybe take some time off from work, or pick a job and quit the other and use that time to get clean.