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what do i do? dont want her to be the one that got away

So we have barely spoken since we skyped a couple weeks ago. She has no phone or internet atm, so not had a chance to skype again.
Ive been thinking about this lots obviously. And in the last couple weeks we havent really been in touch, and it does get easier. But shes still on my mind alot., pretty much all the time. I have been thinking maybe i should let her go. Is it for the better? Will i fit in over there? Lots n lots of thoughts running through my head.
Tbh, i know what'll happen, when we do skype again and i see her smile and voice all my feelings will come back. Not that their gone, but not talking to her these last couple of weeks has given me the realisation of thats what its gona be like if i dont. And its not that bad, it gets easier. But we do have a connection. And she is the person that started bringing up how she felt. So i think im just gona wait til then and if it feels right drop a couple hints. I feel much much better about the situation at the moment, as to when i first posted this, so thats a plus.
I just think if i dont do this now, i am going to see her again this year sometime regardless back at home, and i dont wana see her then and get told she was waiting for me to bring it up. She always expects me to make the first move.
Sorry for rambling, this thread has made me dwell on this even more now.
Oh, and DCypha, what was your situation if you dont mind me asking?
 
I met this girl on a dating site a few months ago and she messaged me to hang out. After a few dates, everything was going well, then suddenly she goes cold and told me she was dating some other guy. It really broke my heart. I tried everything to get her back. I did lots of nice stuff for her but she didn't really reciprocate. I tried to be her friend but it was hurting me too much because she would ring me and tell me how she was going on all these dates with lots of different guys and It tore me apart. So I sent her a long message telling her I could not take it anymore and I had to let her go. I deleted her number and messages so I couldn't message her. See, she collects men as trophies. She has many male friends that would drop anything to help her and she just uses them. I was lucky to realise this early on.

Anyways, I guess what I am trying to tell you is sometimes it is better to walk away to save yourself from the heartache. I really don't know what else to say. I just telling you this from experience and although the situation is different I think the outcome will be the same.

Well I wish you best of luck. Follow you heart and it will guide you to where you need to go. Sometimes the path that looks rocky and hard to walk on is the right path. Bless
 
nuttynutskin said:
Sorry to break it to ya but a lot of women do expect the guy to make the first move. Just how it is a lot of times.
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I know mate. Especially this girl, more than any girl ive met before. Fucking annoying.
Should also be still asleep now catching up on z's - but no, woke up thinking about her. Fuck sake. Gonna skin up to try forget bout this.
I did forget to say in my previous post, she has mentioned before their getting coffee shops out there in like two years time, and she has light heartedly said for me to open one with her. I dont know whether to take that seriously though. Maybe thats her hint too me?
The worst thing bout this scenario is that its not even a break up, we click amazingly well together, we know it, we're just in two different countries. FFS
 
From a female perspective on this:

If I were her, you'd totally freak me out.

There's a time and place for everything- and things seem to be moving along smoothly because she is planning a summer holiday with you and another visit. So, before you go and tell her that you want to move there- just wait for things to pan out and enjoy that time and interaction you have with her now.
She is obviously trying to get adjusted to living in a new country and everything that comes with that. And you need to give her the space and time to do that.

Believe me, I am all for spontaneity- and going after what you believe in and want- BUT believe that this is what you truly want first. LOVE is blind. And it's grand. And it's grand to be love and to live in all the lovely love grand ideas- but outside of that love bubble, is life, and reality.
You know her for 3 months.... these are the moments that people love the most about relationships.... the beginning... the chase... the getting-to-know-yous..... Let that happen naturally.

Life has a funny way of working out how it is suppose to.
If it's meant to be, it will happen.
Regardless if it's 3 months from now, or 3 days from now.


I also just want to add this:

People tend to fall in the love with the idea of being in love.
And people tend to want badly, the things they cannot have.
I think you just have to take this day by day....
 
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Thanks for that reply iloveyou. Always good to have a womens view.
Things would be moving smoothly but we agreed when i left nothing was gona happen due to distance.
She does want me to go back and go on holiday with her, but i told her im not sure if i want too cuz it'll be hard for me, as badly as i wana see her right now. I understand shes settling in and adjusting and ive completely left her too it. Its pretty much usually always her that messages me. And she was the one that laid her feelings out too me out of nowhere.
I would want this girl regardless of country, so its not a matter of wanting what i cant have.
But i have bared that post in my mind. I've been ill n housebound for the whole time ive been home until recently so had too much time to dwell on this. Regardless, ive never met a girl i get on with like i do with her. But i am gona take it easy with her. Like i said we havent talked much last few weeks, so ill just see what happens. Worst thing is we were never officially together, we said if we werent so far apart we would be. So im not dealing with a break up, Im having to accept and try and forget that the most amazing girl ever cant be a part of my life. Maybe worse than a break up, i dont know
 
Right, havent been online for a while.
Since my last post i been loads better bout this situation.
We've been chatting loads more recently.
I didnt lay it out to her i wanted to move to be with her, i jus said one night when we were chatting i wana open a bar in europe one day, which i always have. And we got talking in depth about doing one together one day, ideas etc.
Only thing is im still unsure what to do. That lost post i posted i was feelin horrible about the whole situation. Now im loads loads better, but still this situation plays on my mind alot. I think about her all the time still.
Shes asked if im gona come back n visit n i cant remember what i said, i think maybe or possible i said yeh.
Then she messages me the other day, cuz shes been proper ill in and out of hospital recently, thankin me tellin me how amazing i am for caring for her and checking up on her etc.
Do i go back n see her n try make this more serious or do i try and forget about her?
If i do go back n try make it more serious n drop some hints about opening this bar and it backfires im gona be gutted....
But then forgetting her is gona be really hard too....
Also the thought of her finding someone else is horrible, and obviously im not gona pry about that, im not like that.
Ive met a couple girls since her,pulled 1 of two of them but n got a few girls number, but havent pursued any of them cuz i been comparing them to her.....
 
lost_my_user said:
Right, havent been online for a while.
Since my last post i been loads better bout this situation.
We've been chatting loads more recently.
I didnt lay it out to her i wanted to move to be with her, i jus said one night when we were chatting i wana open a bar in europe one day, which i always have. And we got talking in depth about doing one together one day, ideas etc.
Only thing is im still unsure what to do. That lost post i posted i was feelin horrible about the whole situation. Now im loads loads better, but still this situation plays on my mind alot. I think about her all the time still.
Shes asked if im gona come back n visit n i cant remember what i said, i think maybe or possible i said yeh.
Then she messages me the other day, cuz shes been proper ill in and out of hospital recently, thankin me tellin me how amazing i am for caring for her and checking up on her etc.
Do i go back n see her n try make this more serious or do i try and forget about her?
If i do go back n try make it more serious n drop some hints about opening this bar and it backfires im gona be gutted....
But then forgetting her is gona be really hard too....
Also the thought of her finding someone else is horrible, and obviously im not gona pry about that, im not like that.
Ive met a couple girls since her,pulled 1 of two of them but n got a few girls number, but havent pursued any of them cuz i been comparing them to her.....
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you'll get a lot of great advice here but nobody here can tell you what to do. you need to look inwards and ask yourself what you want...

alasdair
 
nuttynutskin said:
You're sabotaging yourself IMHO. This is just painful to read.
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^ This. I'm a female, and it seems she really really does like you, and the longer you wait the further away she will become. She'll assume the worst (well, i do anyway) and think you have moved on. Girls like to feel that they are worth it, whatever "it" may be.

My current boyfriend moved in with me. We only lived an hour from one another, but between him working and me working we barely saw one another. One day I broke down and was just really upset about him leaving, and he said "well what do you want me to do? Move in with you?" and I said yes! We'd only been dating a short time, but here we are several months later and I'm still very much happy and so is he.
Don't let her be the one that got away. When are you supposed to see her again? She doesn't have phone or internet? That seems strange in this day and age. If you got some money saved pay her phone bill haha. I don't know her or you, but if she's as in to you as you are her, DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW. Fly out and surprise her! This could definitely backfire, but we only live once. Instead of sitting here wondering how she feels, go see her NOW. I think what you're feeling now will just be more annoying in the long run if you don't act fast.

Good luck!
 
Thats the thing. I know she likes me. She's the one that brought up feelings and told me how she felt before i went to see her last time.
Then we discussed our feelings and how we felt things wouldn't work long distance - and how it wouldn't be a good way to start a relationship. And i've told her exactly how i feel about her too, and told her how gutted i am that we're in separate countries doing different things and she said the same.
We don't have any solid plans at the moment when we're meeting next, within the next month or two. but i was gona see if she wanted to meet up in barcelona in a couple weeks, when she can get a few days off. She does have a phone but its too expensive to call her on and she has no laptop to access internet at her flat so we can;t skype too regularly.
Pretty much i'm really worried i go see her again, tell her how serious i am about opening a bar with her, and it backfires. Leaving her last time wasnt fun at all, it could be the nail in the coffin next time or the beginning of something amazing.
 
Fucking do it, she's in Italy, if she says no then it's a no, you will know where you stand and you can forget about her.
She says yes and happy fucking days.

You continue at this rate and it will fall apart anyway. Just do it, worst that happens is she says no and you have just sped the whole process up letting you know where you stand, will stop the mental torture to a degree
 
Havent really heard from her much this week, but jus got a lovely email from her.
Gona skype with her this weekend and arrange another trip to see her or holiday somewhere.
I'm gona see what happens then and then problably tell her how serious i am about trying to make it work with her and opening bar or cafe over there.
I just know shes a free spirit and dont wana cramp her style there at all. We're very easy going on each other, let each other do what we want when we want, so just dont want this to make out like im demanding it you know what i mean?
I guess the only way to find out is too ask, and shes always left me to make the first move in everyway in the past, so its obviously me again having to make the first move in this aspect too. FFS. Wish me luck, if i get shotdown that plane journeys gona be looooads worse than the last one, and im gona have to cut all contact with her entirely

 
you-can-do-it.jpg


Seriously tho, good luck bro!
 
So we jus skyped for a good few hours, which has made all my feelings come back even more right away.
WE're going to sort out a holiday this week for beginning of aug, then im gona go back to italy with her for a bit.
By then i wont have seen her for like 5months.
She said i can go see her literally whenever i want,
So im thinkin bout going to see her maybe next month. I just dont wana make myself look desperate by going to see her asap.
Also didnt really getto talk about any proper future plans, as in future plans about us together. As we were just catching up chatting shit to each other.
I feel good about the whole thing right now, but i know its gona start eating me up again at somepoint, and start missing her loads.
I just really dont know how shes gona take it when i tell her i wana be with her over there. Shes living her dream right now out there, and as much as i know she like me, does she want me to be a part of it?
 
I dont know why, but im feeling shitty about this situation now....
by the time i see her next itll have been 5 months.....
is this too long? i really hope she hasnt moved on, but 5months is a good while
right now its been like almost two n a half months an i miss her so much, and i dont think i can take another two and a half months of not knowing.
Am i an idiot? Should i have mentioned it to her on skype? Surely its better to do in person right? What do you women think?
 
It's like my girl Beyoncé said; "if you like it then you should of put a ring on it."
 
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