What did I do?!

[Tootsie]

I feel like this is pretty much just going to be me venting, but please feel free to give me your thoughts and opinions on this.

My boyfriend of two years and I broke up right before this past Valentine's Day. A few months go by and the last thing I want or need is to start dating someone. In fact, I'm completely against the entire idea. Low and behold, here comes this ridiculously perfect guy, we'll call him T. T and I have known each other for a very long time, we just never really hung out one on one. Out of the blue he hits me up one day and asks me to hang out. We go out and have a fucking blast. From that moment on, we're inseparable. We were together every single day for about two months. I know that's not a long time, but it was enough to get pretty intense pretty quick. We wouldn't even have to do anything to have a good time together, we connected on so many levels. Sexually, emotionally, everything. We just completely understood each other. One night he tells me he thinks he's falling for me and I said I was to. As much as neither of us wanted it at all, it was happening, but we said fuck it let's just go with it. We keep hanging out, everything's fine, then boom. He starts ignoring me. I don't mean calling me every once in a while kind of thing, I mean I haven't heard from him since. This happened about four weeks ago and I'm still sitting here wondering what happened, what I did wrong. My heart's broken and I'm just flat out sad. I really, really thought I had something special with this guy. I was hanging out with one of our mutual friends at a bar one night and I asked him about T, if he had heard anything. My friend said that when he asked T what was up with us he just said "Yea, I'm done with that."

What the fuck? How can you just tell someone you're falling for them and then cut off all contact completely?! I know it wasn't the sex he was after, because he would've left right after I finally gave it up. I can't seem to get over this, I miss him. I just wish I could see him to ask him why. I can handle rejection, I can handle a lot of things, but I cannot handle being ignored. It's not fair to leave someone sitting there wondering what the fuck happened.

Any thoughts?

 

[footscrazy]

I agree with you it's not fair to just leave someone wondering what on earth happened like that. Unfortunately, there really could be a multitude of reasons why, and you'll probably never find out exactly what it was. It really sucks. I've been in a very similar situation, and it did my head in. It was so much worse wondering what happened, running through a million possibilities in my head, than it would've been to be told why, even if it was a hurtful reason.

I think the only consolation is that the kind of person who does this is incredibly weak, passive and avoidant, and at least you've found out relatively early. It's the sign of someone who absolutely can not deal with an uncomfortable situation with any semblance of respect for another person. It's a selfish act, where they put their feelings of discomfort far above your own, and for their own benefit, choose to simply escape the situation. Given what he's done, I feel that a relationship would have been difficult. In my experience, the person I knew completely shut down in any disagreement and was unable to work through issues, as he simply choose not to face them. It's a really horrible thing he's put you through. It really sucks

 

[llama112]

Wow... what a jerk... !!!!!
Agreed that it's good you found out early. Yeah, two months of nonstop connection is a lot. But glad it didn't end being six months... or a year.

It's not fair what he put you through, he should have just told you himself, and a reason would have been nice. I'm sorry *hugs*

 

[Corazon]

I feel like this is pretty much just going to be me venting, but please feel free to give me your thoughts and opinions on this.

My boyfriend of two years and I broke up right before this past Valentine's Day. A few months go by and the last thing I want or need is to start dating someone. In fact, I'm completely against the entire idea. Low and behold, here comes this ridiculously perfect guy, we'll call him T. T and I have known each other for a very long time, we just never really hung out one on one. Out of the blue he hits me up one day and asks me to hang out. We go out and have a fucking blast. From that moment on, we're inseparable. We were together every single day for about two months. I know that's not a long time, but it was enough to get pretty intense pretty quick. We wouldn't even have to do anything to have a good time together, we connected on so many levels. Sexually, emotionally, everything. We just completely understood each other. One night he tells me he thinks he's falling for me and I said I was to. As much as neither of us wanted it at all, it was happening, but we said fuck it let's just go with it. We keep hanging out, everything's fine, then boom. He starts ignoring me. I don't mean calling me every once in a while kind of thing, I mean I haven't heard from him since. This happened about four weeks ago and I'm still sitting here wondering what happened, what I did wrong. My heart's broken and I'm just flat out sad. I really, really thought I had something special with this guy. I was hanging out with one of our mutual friends at a bar one night and I asked him about T, if he had heard anything. My friend said that when he asked T what was up with us he just said "Yea, I'm done with that."

What the fuck? How can you just tell someone you're falling for them and then cut off all contact completely?! I know it wasn't the sex he was after, because he would've left right after I finally gave it up. I can't seem to get over this, I miss him. I just wish I could see him to ask him why. I can handle rejection, I can handle a lot of things, but I cannot handle being ignored. It's not fair to leave someone sitting there wondering what the fuck happened.

Any thoughts?

Wow that is odd. It could be a number of things(commitment, another chick, an issue you didn't notice, etc...), but regardless, the guy is a jerk for not breaking up with you like a man.

Just doing a "best guess" here, but it's weird how some people lose interest once a commitment is made.
I'm not a games person, but I've dated women where the worst thing you could do was play with your cards on the table, and say "I love you and was thinking about us being together". It's like some people need that game, and once you have declared yourself they lose interest. Usually girls more so than guys (AFAIK?). Either way, he should have at least told you he wasn't interested etc... etc... and not just broke of communications.

 

[Tootsie]

I don't have his new number, I want to send him a message asking him what happened. But I feel like I'd just be making a fool of myself. He probably wouldn't even respond. I can't get over it, I really miss him.

 

[T. Calderone]

That sucks Tootsie, and you may never know what happened. Messaging this guy would be a bad idea, and he probably wouldn't give you a straight answer anyway. Trust me, you don't want his new number. It's hard when you feel that you need closure and not knowing his reasons for shutting you out.

You have to look at it this way: He treated me like this, and I did nothing to deserve it. It was nice while it lasted but it's done now and I can't see him anymore. There's really nothing else you can do except try and move on. You will miss him for a while but it will get easier. You're going to find out how tough you really are after this.

 

[CymbalKid]

One of my good friends did that to one of my friends and i asked him about it and he just said that he just wasn't in to her. I told him he should just tell her but he refused. I don't know maybe he was just too scared to tell you that he wasn't in to you?