• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: streaM Freak

What are the reasons you became sober?

This is such an awesome thread. Thank you all for gettinf vulnerable and sharing some deep, intense stuff. I can see this stuff being really useful for people who are thinking about getting clean/sober but haven't taken the leap yet. Kudos to you all, much love and respect.
 
Losing everything
Girlfriends,friends,family,money,ethics,standards,jobs,opportunities,intelligence,sanity

I can also relate to Greymare, I'm much too lazy to be an active addict anymore.
Having to wake up hours before necessary to be able to get to methadone clinics and the unending drama associated with methadone maintenance.
Never ending doctors visits, phone calls, counting pills, bullshitting pharmacy techs, waiting for scripts, taking that last dose.
Having to establish relationships with people whom you would normally only observe on the TV show COPS.
I will never forget the sheer terror of waking up, everyday accept the day after a big script or score, I remember walking miles to the ghetto without a coat in snow up to my knees.
I'm just too lazy for that nonsense anymore
 
I must say this is an excellent idea for a thread. Even if you have been recovering for a while, it is good to renew your ideas about your life goals.

I stopped being a daily benzo user because I could not control my use, and it has led to some severe memory problems. I have to write things down, or be reminded constantly to do things. It is like my short term memory is not so good anymore.

TPD told me today about acceptance. I feel embarrassed by my memory and I constantly mix things up in my mind. I have to come to accept the fact that my use has caused me lasting problems, and I am a different person than when I was younger.
 
manboychef said:
I must say this is an excellent idea for a thread. Even if you have been recovering for a while, it is good to renew your ideas about your life goals.
Click to expand...

Hey, you stole my thought!

I quit because I knew I'd have to eventually at some point, due to opioids tending to escalate in tolerance. I knew I had to use more and more to maintain, and figured two years and +/- $10-15k was enough (goddammit, I smoked a fucking Audi's worth of dope over two years for chrissakes...wtf). After all, "if not now, when"?

I was losing respect for myself realizing I was a slave to a molecule, and I recalled the mood lift accompanied by quitting smoking a pack a day cigs back in 2010 (had been a pack a day smoker since I was 16, I was 26 in 2010). It was hard but it gave me a deep sense of pride, quitting a 10 year, pack-a-day tobacco habit CT. This was a whole new level of that feeling of pride. Who knows how much $ I wasted on that disgusting, ridiculous habit.

I also wasn't able to keep my habit 100% stealth with friends and family and had to cut it out before anyone cemented their theory on why I was so "off" sometimes (sometimes even actively trying not to nod at the dinner table when visiting my folks).

Speaking of my folks, they're getting old and will need my help soon. I already have to pony up and provide them with a stipend, and it's only going to get worse. I wouldn't be able to do all of it (the dope and the helping the folks) with my income level, which is...insufficient.

I also feared legal consequences, although I always took good contingency measures and know how to interact with LE to slither out of trouble, but that's not always enough.

I was also using gambling to sustain my habit at times (poker is my 3rd job and even though every "good" player has streaks of poor luck, I can consistently triple my money in 3-5 hours at the poker table nearly every time by playing tight-aggressive and plugging all my leaks [places where you lose money that you can prevent, like limping in with mediocre hands/out of position, calling big turn/river bets when I know I'm beat and should fold just to see what the opponent was holding, etc], and since I play no limit Hold 'Em at high stakes buy in minimums, its a MAJOR gamble regardless of my probably skewed assessment of my skills) which is just doubling your trouble by adding another risk to the mix. I can't tell you how many times I bought a 1/4oz of tar and announced that it was being provided to me "by the good fishes at X Casino".

Money, pride, fear of future consequences, all that. Dope made me happy, but at too high a price and for too short a time. Never again. Now, each day is 1/730th of the flashy car I'm going to buy two years from now-ish. Every dope free day is a day of comfort I can provide my parents in their old age.

In the end, it is selfish, harmful, and the road leads to a wasteland of all kinds of horrors.

I loved reading all your reasons and it really helped me reiterate to myself why I'm sober right now. Thanks for starting this thread, Priest.
 
I never went deep into drug culture as I got most of my drugs from a real pharmacy and rest from the internet based "pharmacies" just the same way some might order a book from Amazon. They didn't cost a lot and I get roughly 3k€ just by sitting on my arse due my veteran compensation.

I don't say this because I feel like I was better than those who got their stuff from dealers and were homeless but to just say that I have no knowledge of "normal" junkie lifestyle and due that I guess my transition out of drugs was easier since I didn't have to cut off connections to sources except only signing a contract that prevents other doctors than my primary from prescribing drugs and other pharmacies than my local to hand out drugs. Also I didn't have to dramatically alter my lifestyle.

At the same time finding reasons for quitting was hard as there wasn't "much" to gain from stopping using as I was living comfortable and using drugs at the same time.

Main reasons I quit was that I become aware what my drug using was doing to my health and also I started to fear constant withdrawals that came because I had used my script early and couldn't get more because another dr. was on holiday or something. Also E-script system was becoming more and more mandatory so Dr. shopping was about to become very difficult as each Dr. could see what others has prescribed.

Now that I have quit I have found so myself becoming more healthy and more interested in what happens around me and can relate to others much easier. I am not that dulled out guy I was before who couldn't care less about myself or others as I was nearöy constantly on drugs that dull emotions. That is definately something that will prevent me from relapsing.
 
@phil.mckeer:Your post made me stop and think about how much money and time I wasted on my habit. Jobs I lost, cars I lost. It is amazing the sheer magnitude of money that any habit can amount to overtime. I also found myself hating how selfish I was. I just dressed up my argument against it by saying "it is just survival" even though I knew in my heart of hearts that I could stop, as I had done before, I just chose not too (which is actually a very selfish thing).

@mrRoot: Health is huge for me. I am going through some rough treatment right now because I was careless before. The fear of withdrawals also got me. My girl and I were talking about that yesterday. We are both the type of addicts that when we use and are fearing withdrawals, the constant anxiety could bring on the withdrawal faster, and even make the contentment of being high and having a bit more for later not enough for fear of withdrawals down the road.

As for me: I was thinking about the isolation I put myself through because I had stopped believing I was a good person with something to offer. I know now that thinking that way was skewed at best.
 
I will use and use until I have nothing and am in constant desperation. Which always leads to something bad. It may take a while for me to get to that point but it always happenens. I isolate. I become way more of an asshole. I burn bridges left and right. I've done jails and institutions and like most IV heroin users I've one more than enough close calls with death. I want to be able to give to people instead of take. To be a shoulder to lean on instead of dragging someone down. I know I'm not superman when sober but I'm a much better person overall.
 
I totally forgot we had that conversation Chef, haha I guess my memory isn't what it used to be either ;)

But seriously thats what getting old is doing for me, it is pretty cool - as I move from young adulthood to adulthood, I am getting a teeny tiny taste of how much harmful drug use is when you are older rather than younger, especially when it seems to be getting progressively more harmful without aging.

It has been all about perspectuve.

And you know, along the lines of that insight, I do not think you should sell yourself at all short Mr.Root - I am absolutely sure your struggle has been just as challanging as mine has, despite mine being oh so much more the glamorous ;) %) :\
 
I had to get sober for my career.

secondary reasons: tired of wasting money & tired of hanging out with people I hated
 
Seems everyone has very good reasons for getting sober. The best of luck to anyone who has to battle this crap. For one I can't stand what Ive done to my life, it has gone to complete hell. Financially, physically, mentally just destroyed by my drug use. Also the fact that I've hurt the ones closest to me stings quite a bit. The good thing is it can be fixed and you can be who you used to be or want to be.
I've been struggling on and off to stay clean even though I truly love the feeling of not being on drugs. It's a little scary and almost don't know what to do with myself but in a good way. I relapsed recently and the worst part was I didn't really want to, the addict did but I know I can get sober again and learn from my mistakes. I think in the end you have to get sober for you (sounds cliché) and after that you'll figure out what you got sober for.
I could go on for pages of what exactly I have to stay clean for but none of it matters if I don't do it for myself. Ha, think the last few years of (opiate) addict has made me insane? It was one fight I was not prepared for.
Wish the best to everyone. Trying to keep this crap up everyday is just not worth the things you lose and the time you miss. Life can be tough but we get one go around so hopefully we can find happiness.
 
Jinxed GL it sounds like you know what it takes already and relapse is just part of it. I feel the same way u do with all the things addiction has ruined or taken. Now that I'm sober I'm actually dealing with the feelings-emotions of messing up all those same things (relationships/financial etc)I also keep thinking back to certain situations and get really embarrassed bc at the time I thought I was right when in reality I was Wrong. Other things I don't know if u was right or wrong but I know I wasn't thinking clearly. Like I said I'm super embarrassed about it now. This feeling alone is what is keeping that fire in my stomach to stay sober. I'm close to 100 days I stopped counting day by day. I wish you the best Jinxed
Btw it's just Temp Insanity lol
 
I originally got on Methadone for my mom. I was going to die soon most likely and she begged me not too. About 3 months into the treatment I realized it was the best decision I ever made. I now have 11 months off heroin. I still smoke weed but shit no one is perfect.
 
cj said:
I originally got on Methadone for my mom. I was going to die soon most likely and she begged me not too. About 3 months into the treatment I realized it was the best decision I ever made. I now have 11 months off heroin. I still smoke weed but shit no one is perfect.
Click to expand...

My mom was a pretty big influence in me getting clean. There is something about making one's mother cry that can crack the facade of any addict.
 
Keep at it my man. Just keep in mind that paws comes and goes for about ninety days in most and sometimes longer. Whenever you get an upswing of paws symptoms, be strong and call people.
 
Trying to stay sober again mainly for health reasons, and of course a lot of the other reasons people have mentioned already like being tired of causing friends and family grief. I told myself last year when my liver level was at 700 something in the hospital in December that that would be the end of it, but since then I've gone through too many binges to count. AFAIK I don't have any major complications yet but if I keep going I will sooner or later and I feel like I've already pushed my luck to the max. Besides that, it's become harder and harder to come back both physically and mentally from drinking binges. It's embarrassing to think that I've had to go to detox 3 times in the last 2 months. Fear of death, or more accurately fear of dying from alcoholism is a pretty big one too although I guess that falls under health. Either way, not a great way to go.
 
I am not sober from everything so I can only speak on Alcohol. I do smoke marijuana for stress and being too anxious. Opiates ( Hydrocodone) at the moment for back pain. However Booz and I are not friends. Black outs , 8 am drinking and drunk by noon. My partner Being upset at me for drinking as much as I was. what really did it was an ambulance ride to a hospital with not remembering a thing was my wake up call for the Booz. That was 8 months ago and haven't had a drink. I'm still a work in progress but once you put your energy into something there can be good out comes.
 
To be honest, I am not using meth because I can't find any.
If I had a connection, I doubt that I would be able to not use it.
This is a recent addiction for me - the first time I used meth was 18 months ago, and I never used it more than 4 or 5 days in a row until 2 months ago. Then, 2 months of almost every day use, until I ran out of the supply I smuggled into this country.
Thank goodness I ran out, because I cannot easily control or stop my use.
This drug is really fucked.

I hate myself, and I deserve a chance of reversing this position.
Click to expand...
Damn, Capt'n, I bet there are at least a hundred people on BL who think you are amazing.
I suggest listening to us when we tell you that YOU ROCK!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top