its ok i can send IM's them either.
I dunno to be honest talking to him made me feel a lil better. I got to get it all out. this is the first time weve ever argued where he had nothing to counteract with, for the most part. I didnt tell him where I am. He asked me to go bak to the house n he wouldnt b there as he is goin out with his friends, im assumin drinking. O shit, I jus discovered somethin, everytime we fight like this he goes out drinking. I guess im not the only one wit a problem.
As for school work, I completed my test on time n got a 92

Now to push forth with all the rest of the stuff. I hear what ur sayin about puttin it aside for now, but you have to understand I started college in 2006, community college, supposed to b 2 years, n here I am 2010 n still not due to graduate til 2011. I have put it off long enough, It seems that every single time, other than my first semester and my last semester, i have to leave school for the same, well almost same, fuckin reason. Its always cuz I no longer have a place to call home. Actually come to think of it, my first semester I was living out of my car (when I had one) for the last part of it.
So I will NOT put off my education anymore for any reason. It is so important to me.
Calling the cops, not gonna happen. Never, never, never. First, it will ruin his army career, which he plans to retire from. I cant do that to him. I told him a long long time ago that I would only ever do that if I felt that my life was at risk. Last night it was not.
Second, I made that mistake with my older brother, a heroin addict for 10 years, (keep in mind he is 1 yr older than me and we are still quite young) who went over the edge. I called initially cuz he had a stupid lil charge, no big deal. Later I find myself sitting in a gas station with two FBI agents threatening to get my lil brother put in jail (suspended sentence), my ex husband audited (didnt pay taxes for over 5 years), my lil sister... well you get the point. I had to sign photos of him, my big brother, doing not such great things. Well, he found out, he saw the paper wit my signature on it. Needless to say my family has disowned me and wont have anything to do with me now.
In short, callin the cops is a no no for me now. Its only got me into worse trouble.
In my mind, he is my one and only. I miss him, how fucked up is that. I wanna go home so bad but Im tryin really hard to stay sttrong. I know it wont last, it never does, after a few days at best I wont want to put up wit this anymore n Ill go back. Thats how most my troubles start. Fuck I mean look at me, Im 23 yrs old n have already been married and divorced, he was 19 years older than me. I needed an escape from that current situation, n i thought why not find that weird tattoo artist that tried to hook up wit me. Then 8 days later, i was married.
You see its a pattern for me, one I have no idea how to break. I fuck up, I find a temporary solution, I cant take that anymore so I "become strong" n get away, then I end up either back where I was or with my next mistake.
Fuck I mean my current boyfriend was the escape from my abusive husband, who was the escape from homelessness n being broke, which was the alternative to living with... again you get the point.
Wow ramblings of a psychotic, depressed, adderall user huh. Holy shit I'm sorry that u just wasted ur time reading this.