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What a rough night...Dont know what to do now.. Any Ideas?

T

tweaked0719

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2010
Messages
55
So tonights been one crazy night for me, actually the entire day has been fucked. I had to leave work early cuz I was too stressed to be there. My bf was fighting with me all day, mind you this fight was cuz I told me I was unhappy at my job n all my school work was getting to me, nasically that I am stressed out. He proceeds to freak out via text for the better part of 4 hours. Whatever I can deal with that. So I get home, take some adderall, and start doing my homework and he comes home, he goes straight to the bedroom. A few hours later I get a call from a girl I get some stuff from who tells me I have to come meet her now or shes sellin the last of it to someone else. So naturally I get up and go. I come home and my bf is on the couch watching tv, sitting where I was sitting doing my homework. Blah, Blah, Blah, the night escelates to the point where he wants me to leave (we live together, but its his place). My heart is now racing like crazy from everything thats going on n the fact that i took adderall, I had just taken a few more too. He starts tellin me that I'm a worthless piece of shit, no one could ever love me, no wonder my family wont talk to me, and finally the breaking point, he says "I mean look at you, look at all those disgusting scars, who could ever find you attractive? Why dont you just go cut yourself somemore?" I freak get in his face but quickly back off. He goes to bed, I say something out loud, he come back out, gets in my face, and headbutts me in the nose. We argue a bit more n he tells me I gotta b out by the weekend.

So my current situation...
a racing heart that I cant get to calm down (Im afraid I might have a heart attack)
possibly a broken nose(ive never had one before)
an extreme urge to cut myself (i havent in over a year)
an even more extreme urge to take more adderall and possibly drink some vodka.
o yea, the dilemma of where the fuck am I gonna go

.......side note: yes my family does hate me, but not for any drug reasons or anything like that, cuz of stuff wit my older brother. also I want to just point out that absolutely no one knows that I use any kind of drugs (well except all of you) so its not like anyone has a hidden anger towards me


and finally the questions:
1. how can I slow my heart (its been 1 1/2 hrs since anything has happened)?
2. how can I tell if my nose is broken?
3. do you know any coping mechanisms to help me not cut or do anything else stupid (the only thing that has kept me from doin it for this past year is basically him)?
4. What would you do in this situation?

Thanx for any feedback
 
The best solution is to get out of there. Nothing good can come from staying in a violent situation. Deep breaths will slow your heart rate, but also try and stay calm. It's better not to add more drugs to the mix, so just stay calm, deep breaths and you should be fine (if you feel like it's escalating call the ER). If your nose hurts a lot, it's probably broken. Only way to really tell is with an X-ray.

I really hope you stay strong. Get out of there, and try and stay calm. There is no reason you need to put up with any of that shit.
 
tweaked that is so horrible, I'm so sorry you're in this situation :(

Are you having any heart pain? Or is it just beating really fast? Obviously the adderall will have sped it up, plus the adrenaline from what happened with your boyfriend. Try to keep in mind that the effects will wear off soon and if you can just try to relax and reassure yourself that everything's going to be okay, your heart will slow down.

Don't worry about your nose for now, but if you've got an ice pack or some frozen peas or something like that, ice your nose for about 15 minutes, then repeat in an hour if you're still up. If you're worried about it in the morning go and get it checked out by a doctor.

If you cut yourself, you will only be proving HIM right, which is not what you want to do. You say that the only thing keeping you from cutting for the past year is him, but it is YOU who eventually makes the choices to not cut. So you know you have the strength in you to not do it hun. If you cut yourself you will feel so much worse in the morning. Trust me, I've been there many times myself <3

I think you need to just focus on getting through tonight, DON'T have any more adderall or alcohol, and try to get some sleep when you can. Tomorrow you can start to sort out what you're going to do for accommodation, and you can always find a women's safehouse to stay in for short periods of time if you can't find any other living arrangements at first.

Is this the first time your boyfriend has acted like this?? Does he take any drugs?

Take care of yourself okay hun? Let us know how you're going <3
 
He doesnt do any drugs, at all. He barely drinks. Hes in the army so if I called the cops about anything he would get kicked out and it would ruin his life. I think my nose is ok now, He went to bed finally and I had a cigarette to calm down (he doesnt no i smoke either). There is literally no where for me to go, and where I live there arent any shelters close by, none that I can still get to work.

I love him and I dont wanna leave. This guy means the world to me, other than tonight he really hasnt gotten like this, maybe once but it was mutual. Believe it or not this is the healthiest relationship Ive ever been in. He helped me get out of a fucked up marriage where my husband was an abusive alcoholic (thats a whole other story), then he got me away from my family who were nothing but bad news, ans he got me to a place where I am comfortable with me, kinda. I dunno what to do.

I need to make this work wit him, I just need to.
Without him I have nothing.
Without him I am nothing.
 
If this is the first time he's done something like this, do you think there's a possibility you can talk to him in the morning and find out what's going on?? You mentioned he's in the army, perhaps something has happened or perhaps he's really stressed and he's taking it out on you. Which of course is absolutely NOT ON, and he needs to sort himself out immediately if that is the case, i.e. get counselling.

Try and get some sleep and keep us updated on the situation okay? <3
 
tweaked0719 said:
.
Without him I have nothing.
Without him I am nothing.
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Dont ever ever believe that cuz it is not true (trust me on that)...That mentality will push him away more then anything (especially if he doesnt use) ...I say get out of there and let things blow over for a day or two...Trust me I know how hard a situation like that is cuz i have been in your shoes.
 
He wont talk to me he hates to talk... Im jus gonna pack up a few things tomorrow, go to work in the am, take a shit ton of adderall n start walkin. Either I'll die from a heart attack or I'll end up somewhere really cool.

Yea that seems like a good idea
 
ta2demon said:
Dont ever ever believe that cuz it is not true (trust me on that)...That mentality will push him away more then anything (especially if he doesnt use) ...I say get out of there and let things blow over for a day or two...Trust me I know how hard a situation like that is cuz i have been in your shoes.
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yea i wish it were that simple, but there is literally no where for me to go for a few days... i guess its back to livin on the streets for me. Did it once, or twice, or however many times, I can do it again. Fuck it I'm done. All hope is lost.
 
Yeah till you run out of Adderall and crash and hate life even more...If you got the money grab a hotel and go sleep it off and then talk to him when youre sober..Im telling you if you wanna salvage your relationship you need a breather after a fight like that and then going to him tweaked to the gills is gonna make it 100x worse.
 
tweaked0719 said:
yea i wish it were that simple, but there is literally no where for me to go for a few days... i guess its back to livin on the streets for me. Did it once, or twice, or however many times, I can do it again. Fuck it I'm done. All hope is lost.
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Hope is never lost..I have been there and back many times..Remember that whatever celestial being is up there never gives us more then we can handle.
 
wow ta2demon i think you might have jus saved my life. why the fuck didnt i think about a hotel? ill jus get one near my work. Fuck hold on. How old do you have to be?
 
ur name is freakin me out by the way... if you dont mind me asking, where r u from? you dont have to be specific. Jus like the eastcoast or west coast lol
 
Probably only 18 for a hotel..Im in the Midwest...Go lock yourself in a hotel and straighten out and come back fresh..It will work trust me.
 
ok good, for a sec there i thought by ur name and way u speak u coulda been my ex husband... I dont have a car so ill have to wait til after work tomorrow to get a hotel. im lookin online for one now
 
Take a cab..The sooner you exit yourself from that situation the better..And no we havent been married lol...Good luck!
 
The first thing I would do is get the fuck over him... a man who hits a women in any way, even once is a worthless pile of shit and should die a painful death. (I am a man btw.. so I have the right to say that)

secondly.. cutting yourself isnt going to do anything accept make your life worse, give you more scars, and make you look even less appealing to the people you encounter in life. The ones that are already there can be coped with but putting more scars on yourself is the last thing you need to do right now- you have enough issues to cope with.

Thirdly.. LAY OFF THE ADDERRAL... it sounds to me like your heart cant take much more and I dont wanna see you dead. Go to a hospital if necessary. Im not telling you to go cold turkey.. but at least cut down.

four- Take some benzos if you have them.. it will slow heart rate and help you calm down and cope with this issue.

and lastly--- Dont listen to what your man told you about yourself.. people say horrible things when they are angry and even if there was some truth in what triggered it.. I bet you 90% of what he said was said purely from anger and intended to hurt you because he is mad for whatever reason.. DONT but into it and dont let it get to you (I know that is easier said than done)
 
I know you love this guy. But it sounds to me like he's one of those assholes who breaks you down and makes you feel like shit about yourself. He does that to make you think that he is your world and so you won't go to anyone else. The man fucking assaulted you! Why didn't you call the police? He said the most hurtful, meanest shit he could possibly think of.

We can't help who we love. But you need to care enough about yourself and get the hell away from him as soon as possible. No one likes to go through those weeks or months dealing with the pain of not having that certain person in your life. I think that's one of the main reasons people stay with someone they don't need to be with.

He will apologize, give you some bullshit excuse as to why he did it. But this IS him. He is a man who talks to you and treats you like you're less than garbage. He will not change and this will only escalate. What would you have done if he wrapped his hands around your throat? I know I don't know this person, but personality traits do form a pattern. You love this man. That is not enough. Also, I don't know you. But you deserve better. You don't deserve this life that you have accepted. Please, please, please get out of that relationship before you are either looking back 10 years later and regretting your choice or before you become a statistic.
 
yea im not gonna cut... its gone too long without it n no one is worth doin that to myself anymore. the adderall... i dunno about that, I have to b at work in 4 hours so i better either go to sleep now or take some more. I only have like 4 xanax left for the next 18 days so i gotta save them for the panic attacks. I jus booked a hotel for tomorrow, so after work ill go there, atleast for the night, and try to figure all this shit out.

I jus hate bein alone. I dunno if i can handle bein in a hotel by myself. haha good thing Im gonna save those xanax. I dunno, hopefully tomorrow/today starts to go better
 
HisNameIsFrank said:
I know you love this guy. But it sounds to me like he's one of those assholes who breaks you down and makes you feel like shit about yourself. He does that to make you think that he is your world and so you won't go to anyone else. The man fucking assaulted you! Why didn't you call the police? He said the most hurtful, meanest shit he could possibly think of.

We can't help who we love. But you need to care enough about yourself and get the hell away from him as soon as possible. No one likes to go through those weeks or months dealing with the pain of not having that certain person in your life. I think that's one of the main reasons people stay with someone they don't need to be with.

He will apologize, give you some bullshit excuse as to why he did it. But this IS him. He is a man who talks to you and treats you like you're less than garbage. He will not change and this will only escalate. What would you have done if he wrapped his hands around your throat? I know I don't know this person, but personality traits do form a pattern. You love this man. That is not enough. Also, I don't know you. But you deserve better. You don't deserve this life that you have accepted. Please, please, please get out of that relationship before you are either looking back 10 years later and regretting your choice or before you become a statistic.
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i do appreciate what your saying and where youre coming from, but there really arent any other options for me. Like literally nothing. I dont have a car, I dont make alot of money, my family will not talk to me, and I dont have any friends. He is my only option. Yea I'll stay in the hotel, but what after that? I cant drop outta school it means too much to me, n without him I cant go to school. He literally is my everything. But basically right now, as it stands, he broke up wit me and told me to get out. So I am the one left standing at the door, all my stuff in trash bags with no means to bring it anywhere, begging him to please let me stay, and that we can work it out. Its a cycle. But I NEED him. without him I am lost. I am nothing. I have nothing. Literally. There is no where to go.
 
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