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WhatisMDMA

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
57
So, I've been hanging around on Bluelight for a little while, lurking, poking fun for a bit...

And I've been in and out of the Dark Side, never saying anything. I've wondered, "how on Earth could I ever help?"

You see, because I've never done drugs. Except recently, I tried marijuana just a couple of times. I didn't like it very much. It makes me think of a lot of horrible memories.

I grew up in a household with drugs, where drugs were available to me from a young age. Luckily, I had an older sibling who, I'm sorry to say, made all the "wrong" decisions and I am so glad that I learned from his mistakes.

So as I've perused the Dark Side, I've wanted to help people but knew I had nothing worth saying because I DON'T know how people feel... I HAVEN'T "been there."

But then I thought, what if someone needs this? What if someone needs to know that someone else who hasn't done all of these things still thinks that the people who have made these "mistakes" are worth talking to, are worth listening to, and still have value?

I see you guys bashing yourselves...but we're all human...

People make mistakes.

So you've taken some drugs. I don't know... maybe you've ended up in places you didn't want to be in and you felt like everyone who hasn't been there thinks that you're shit.

Well, you're not. I know you're not and I don't even know you.

I hope this counts for something and that it's at least what somebody needs to hear. Even if it's just one person in the world that this could help...because you're all worth it.
 
I just wanted to add that I hope this doesn't offend anyone. It's not that I'm assuming addicts think other people don't think they're worth anything in other people's eyes- I'm getting this impression from the things I've read...and even if most addicts or even people who do drugs "just a little bit" don't feel this way, on the off-chance that at least one of you does, I thought I ought to let that one person know.
 
hey dude, i am in a hurry. I read half of what you said, but I really like your vibe. ok i just read it lol.

Let me warn you though. U remind me of a naive state I was in before I got all messed up. When I was younger I saw clearly. Then this massive shitstorm of confusion hit me. It might hit you too. Just plow through til the other side if it does.

Were all worth it. The way I see it bro, everyone is divine love underneath all the mental imaging and garbage. Peace!
 
No I really like this :)

I know how it feels to just wanna say something to a bunch of people, something nice and encouraging and genuine.

I feel your sincerity very strongly! And If I may speak for many- it feels DAMN good to have someone on your side. It feels the greatest to have someone understand you because they 10000% relate to you, and have been through what you have, but sometimes-you really just feel great when there are those who can empathize with you, understand you, feel for you and be there for you when they DON'T know it all as well.

This was lovely to hear from you. Good for you for having the mindset you do. I hope it guides ya through the "massive shitstorm of confusion" [heh Draigan- right on] that life never fails at throwing our way.
 
hey wiM!!

i just want to say thank you for posting here, and spreading some positive words and positive energy. im curious about how old you are. and im also a little bit more curious about your family back ground and specifically how you came to be affected by the world of addiction. i find it amazing and hopeful that you have the attitude that you do; not many people have the compassion you do...

well, i don't think being young equals being naive, and i agree that your sincerity is welcome and appreciated. i bet you'd be an amazing volunteer at a youth rehab or something... i wonder what you do/want to do for a job??

all the best <3
 
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its ture!

and, its true. we can become use to being dehuminized, in jail or the system, the way druggies are portrayed on TV. there are plenty of people who do not use any drugs, and are sick violent mofo's, ive meet 'em, in jail!

maybe more then you want to read...
NSFW:
one was a 19y/o who didnt use, but had a 99 year sentence, for being a repeat child molester, same with another fellow, in the cell, a chester, he was really really f'n smart and interesting, a biochemist but a sick fucko whom i watched eat a 100 or so pills, and he watched me watch him. he lived though... after throwing them all up, only to try suicide again before going to the texas department of corrections.

and to be honest, i was 17, that 19y/o was trying to get me to let him, cough- get a taste* my god.... he found a taker though lol, another 19y/o who could orgasism even masturabting w/o it being a rape scenerio(he was off to an agro farm) i still remeber their names, and that was 15 years ago.


what was i thinking as i was in there for keeping my damn mouth shut, and because my 'friend" wouldnt open his? i was thinking that ive been through the pain they inflicted upon others, intentionally and directly. i caused pain to others and myself, trying to mask the pain that people like them cause to others.

im human, a good one, an empathetic one who tries for others, not some purse snatching POS, that the 'outsiders' have been taught we are. people are shocked if i tell them my history with drugs IRL, which i dont. because of the stigma, the trash that i would be assumed to be after such a confession. why care though, if they lose respect for someone they had much respect for. i would listen to my employers, or fellow coworkers talk about druggies, and stupid pot heads, and think wow, are YOU someone i really want to know? all the while smoking weed all day everyday.
 
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monchi said:
hey wiM!!

i just want to say thank you for posting here, and spreading some positive words and positive energy. im curious about how old you are. and im also a little bit more curious about your family back ground and specifically how you came to be affected by the world of addiction. i find it amazing and hopeful that you have the attitude that you do; not many people have the compassion you do...

well, i don't think being young equals being naive, and i agree that your sincerity is welcome and appreciated. i bet you'd be an amazing volunteer at a youth rehab or something... i wonder what you do/want to do for a job??

all the best <3
Click to expand...

To answer your questions:

I'm 21. I don't really know what to say about my background...

I've peed in a cup before, for someone else. My mother made me do it. I don't know what a percocet or a soma feels like, or even if these ones specifically are addictive or if they were for genuine illnesses, but they were common household words that I grew up with. Of course, there was always pot. I never understood why there would always be pot but sometimes the electricity bill wouldn't be paid or we'd have to leave our groceries at the counter at the supermarket. My mom used to put money or pills in my hand and ask me to go down the street to buy or trade pills from or with our neighbors. I'm scared to say too much because I want to remain anonymous and I don't know if anyone I know uses Bluelight, which I highly suspect.

And of course, with every dark there is light and so on... my parents are happily married and they did their best to educate me well and to teach me how to be a good citizen, how to care about others, how to always tell the truth and to be determined.

I love my Mom and Dad. Mom's getting better every day. :)
 
Hey man, I read your post and to start, its great to have you around!

For someone to want to be here and help who isn't just offering help to address their own issues, tell their own story, etc. says a lot. It shows that you are truly genuine and truly want to help and that is beyond admirable.

I'm working toward accreditation to become an addiction's counselor and let me tell you, about 2/3 of the people in the program with me have never suffered from the horrors of addiction. Often times addicts rationalize not taking someone's advice because they haven't "been there" but people truly underestimate the strength of human empathy, resolve TO understand and compassion to help... traits you clearly have. Also, I suspect you've been around enough drug use and dysfunction to have a pretty good idea what all of this is about without having to hit bottom yourself (so you should consider yourself lucky and your life a gift!).

I've tried most drugs, smoked pot for years, taken opiates for years (but for chronic pain) so I've been around SOME and have a wealth of experience, but I've never suffered from addiction so while we are at a disadvantage lacking direct experience, we have other advantages like not being blinded by rationalizations and prejudiced by our own experience. You seem to really care and seek to understand people and their problems, and with that desire and an open mind you truly can make a difference.

I just wanted to encourage you to stick around... you can certainly offer some people some much needed support and probably learn a lot about addiction, mental illness, horrible situations that people deserve and so many other aspects of the dark side of our existence. These realities may not be pleasant but a willingess to face them and a desire to help shows you are a truly amazing human being!

take care
 
Thanks for the nice vibes, WhatisMDMA. I really feel fucked up by drugs nowadays. I feel nice by reading your words.

Cane2theLeft, I've a question, what do you mean "2/3 of the people in the program with me have never suffered from the horrors of addiction". They are more like trying to prevent something really terrible happens to them?
 
^No, I apologize for not being clear. I meant my SCHOOL program to become a Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor (CADC) in Illinois. Its not a recovery program.

So my point was that currently the majority of people getting into the field of addiction treatment, at least in my area, may have used drugs but have never been addicts. 10, 20 years ago the overwhelming majority becoming drug counselors were in recovery.
 
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