welp.

this has been an interesting two days. it seems like the inevitable is happening. i went from being angry to apathetic to just sort of sad. i feel like i am somehow disappointing other people. but relieved at the same time. the only thing that seems to be changing is the label. i don't think the (lack?) of relationship is changing much

it is kinda funny, i wrote a letter stating many things that the thing i am married to and i chatted about since thursday. how we have been more and more like friends. more and more like roommates. the normal married stuff just isn't there. and it hasn't been for a long time. it isn't that we don't love each other. but we both have been seeking things outside the relationship for a long time now.

we talked about if i moved, and we stayed married, would it feel weird? no. if we saw other people more openly, would it feel weird? no. if we separated and both continued to live in so cal? yes. if we broke up and i moved? kinda sorta.

we talked about flipping things around. instead of going to seattle all the time to get away. why not live there. enjoy just being me (instead of me and unglued). visit here when i want. i could stay with friends in LA or stay with unglued. he could still come visit in seattle. we joked about how to make super awkward thanksgiving meals at vgroaz's place. and how all that is changing is the way we label what we have.

we are both scared how to tell other people. when we got engaged, we just sorta informed people if it came up. i am thinking breaking up should be the same way. eventually, people will figure out that we aren't living together and they can draw their own conclusions. i suppose we ought to tell our families.

the few RL life people i have talked to, asked if this has much to do with fucktwat. i suppose he is intertwined. but i want to move to seattle to start over. i already have a "single" life there. unglued has never really been a part of it. i have "my" friends (even some who aren't friends with fucktwat!). i know the area and i feel comfortable there. i've been asked why not go back to ohio? because there is too much baggage there. i can't deal with my family and our friends are so overlapped and intertwined that it would be weird. plus i hate the weather.

 

Do what you have to do for yourself, hun. I admire you so much for the strength you have.

 

thanks

a friend said we are redefining ourselves. i think that is an accurate way to look at the situation. and since we never had a normal marriage, why have a normal divorce

 

I am not sure to even say I am sorry your marriage did not work out because clearly something worked out. I think I understand that each of you want to continue the relationship as friends so why not divorce? To keep shared benefits? It should be inexpensive and easy enough as you appear amiable. I don't get what I see as the logical step here...divorce. That would be redefining your relationship.

People do not have to know anything. You tell people regardless of their "status" in your life when you want to or feel it is necessary to.

 

we are most likely going to get a divorce (right now i am frustrated at the paperwork and ready to throw it all out the window). but something about that word just seems so... odd. other than terminology, i don't foresee a grand bit changing with how we interact or feel about each other. i moved to seattle 5 years ago without unglued. moving back there will be like picking up where i left off.

as to the nitty gritty about getting a divorce, it ought to be fairly simple. i just want a lump sum for all the stuff i will be leaving behind. i don't want any alimony. i am happy enough if he takes over the lease payments on my car (not taking a car with me to seattle). we already have separate accounts for everything else.