Thinkwithportals
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2014
- Messages
- 125
So here I am again! First of all, hello everyone. I wish I had stuck with this forum as you all helped me to a degree that was unimaginable.
I hope each and every one of you are doing well, and if not - the best you can.
I am sad to say I'm back at square one. In my last post I mentioned that I had recreationally taken Oxys. My fiancé unfortunately fell into it when he quit weed. (I never quit weed, though I haven't smoked it in two weeks.)
He and I took Oxys on weekends to relax from long weeks. Before I knew it I was back on kratom in between the weekends to combat the fatigue and negative emotions that popped up from re-abusing my crutch. (Opiates)
He recently made the decision to quit using anything recreationally, and I've been re-addicted to kratom for about 2 months solid. I lied to myself for awhile, telling myself I had it under control and it wouldn't get me again. But now I'm up every night in withdrawal. I truly, truly hate myself recently. I know I never faced the real reason for my substance abuse, and that's why I slid back into it so seamlessly. I just don't know what to do. It doesn't even bring me joy. I haven't taken any oxy in 7 days - and I don't plan to. I don't have the craving for it, instead - I'm wrapped up in the kratom. Tomorrow I'm joining a gym, and will begin working out every day in preparation to quit again.
August 12th will be the start of no kratom. Because of work, I am doing a slow taper and trying to be forgiving to myself.
I've looked into meetings, but I've always done things myself and for whatever reason - sitting in a circle with other people during withdrawals makes me feel really embarrassed.
I can't seem to fix the inner problem here guys. And I'm so mad at myself for getting through the withdrawals last time, and then fooling myself into thinking it was OK to even touch this shit again.
I hope each and every one of you are doing well, and if not - the best you can.
I am sad to say I'm back at square one. In my last post I mentioned that I had recreationally taken Oxys. My fiancé unfortunately fell into it when he quit weed. (I never quit weed, though I haven't smoked it in two weeks.)
He and I took Oxys on weekends to relax from long weeks. Before I knew it I was back on kratom in between the weekends to combat the fatigue and negative emotions that popped up from re-abusing my crutch. (Opiates)
He recently made the decision to quit using anything recreationally, and I've been re-addicted to kratom for about 2 months solid. I lied to myself for awhile, telling myself I had it under control and it wouldn't get me again. But now I'm up every night in withdrawal. I truly, truly hate myself recently. I know I never faced the real reason for my substance abuse, and that's why I slid back into it so seamlessly. I just don't know what to do. It doesn't even bring me joy. I haven't taken any oxy in 7 days - and I don't plan to. I don't have the craving for it, instead - I'm wrapped up in the kratom. Tomorrow I'm joining a gym, and will begin working out every day in preparation to quit again.
August 12th will be the start of no kratom. Because of work, I am doing a slow taper and trying to be forgiving to myself.
I've looked into meetings, but I've always done things myself and for whatever reason - sitting in a circle with other people during withdrawals makes me feel really embarrassed.
I can't seem to fix the inner problem here guys. And I'm so mad at myself for getting through the withdrawals last time, and then fooling myself into thinking it was OK to even touch this shit again.