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phithydavis

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 9, 2014
Messages
2
Location
Trade TN
I am 20 years old. My name is Elliott. I have been an addict for 6 years. I grew up in a family where my mother, father, and 3 older siblings were all using drugs. They only stayed for convenience and the drugs, thats all they cared about. I was just more drug money to them haha. So I grew up there and got on dope when I was 14, my brother introduced it to me. Since then I have dropped out of school to live with my addict boyfriend. I am currently on probation for drug charges so I mostly take subs. I started subs because I knew I couldn't stop slamming H or meth and that id go to prison. I am on here to talk with other addicts about our crazy problems and lives. Here to learn positive and negative advice. Im just another one of you. We're all different, but most of us are all connected by the same chains that bind us or used to bind us down. No matter what we do, no matter how clean we get, that hunger never really dies, its always there in our minds. Silently hidden, or screaming loudly.
 
Hiya phithydavis,

I've read your introduction and I think you've made the right choice in joining Bluelight. I'm sorry to hear that so much has happened to you at such a young age, and please be assured, that I am by NO WAY judging you. Lots of people here at Bluelight at in a similar position to yourself and, I hope, can help you. We have in the New Members Introductions BL ambassadors so please feel free to contact them or the moderators if you want help with the site, or you can simply post here any questions re the site or links that you would like. There is the search facility (top, right of screen) where you can type a word eg Heroin, and any thread, containing that word will appear.
I'd advise you read the BLUA (Bluelight user agreement).

Links to threads / sub-forums, which may be of interest to you are as follows;

Other Drugs Sub-Forum (Directory) http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...read-check-here-and-read-rules-before-posting
Other Drugs Sub-Forum http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/58-Other-Drugs

The Dark Side http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/47-The-Dark-Side

Sober Living http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/269-Sober-Living

Mental Health http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/270-Mental-Health

All the best,
Evey :) xxxx
 
Welcome to Bluelight phithydavis.

Since you are just 20 I am sure your body and recouporate.

It does get better. You just have to work at.

I started using rather young myself. I remember my parents giving me alcohol before I knew what it was. As far as opiates, it takes time and effort to get that monkey off of your back.

Your body needs to recalibrate so to speak and you need to find something new in your life. So eating healthy, exercising, and finding work and new hobbies is vital to a new life. You cannot expect things to change if you do not change a few things yourself.

As much as I hate to quote anything AA/NA related just take it one day at a time. Just take things on as they come.

For me, a big part of the change was spirituality. It's not for everyone and I sure do not want to push it on you.

Also breathing exercises can help you relax along with meditation.

I had to ditch all my old "friends" when I cleaned up my life and well, I made new ones and better ones. At first I was alone, but eventually I met people that were worth having in my life.

Cleaning up your life at 20 gives you so many choices as to what direction you can take in life.

If you have not finished school that would help. If you have, you could work on a degree or get a certificate in a trade. I know if you take classes you will meet people. I met many of the women I dated in college when I was younger.

The first time I was on probation I was about your age and no one would hire me due me being on probation, so I asked my PO that if I went to school would I be able to not work, as it was a requirement to work as part of my probation. I went to community college and got pell grants and money from vocational rehab so it was all free. So by the time I was off probation I had finished my two year degree and it didn't cost me a cent. Vocational rehab even paid for my gas.

Just getting a job would help too. If you get out and do things, you will get a sense of satisfaction and it will get you moving and your mind off dope as well as a chance to meet new people. If you can't get a job do a bit of volunteer work and you can put that on your resume. I know that would keep your PO off your back if you can't find a job, but its good to not have many gaps in your employment history.

Changing what you do with your time and who you hang around makes a big difference.
 
Thankyou all. Sorry my internet has been shut off. "Drugs come first of course" But thank all of you for the replies.
 
hello elliot...im a new bl member as well....only joined last week....but as you...im 23 and startex early....shit happens right?.?..but anyways. ive come a little ways i. the last 2 weeks...jumped from 3 mg subs...aftef almost 2 years on them.. but before i was alao in same boat....slammin oxy or anycopiate i could get ahold of.. this websote has saved my life. as i hope it has yours or will....nnever give up...never believe and all sball follow
 
Hello phithydavis! I am also a new member but far from new to the site, I've been lurking here for a little over a year. This may sound fucked up but I wish I'd gone thru all of this b.s. when I was younger (I'm 33 now), maybe I would've had my shit together by now. I know EXACTLY how you feel about people only hanging with you when things are "good" so to speak, but its especially HARSH that those people have been your family, the one group that should be your strongest support system. That just sux. My family has completely disowned me so like you, I canno rely on them whatsoever. Feel free to add me as a friend or msg me anytime and, of course, welcome to Bluelight!

Hey, did I read your location right? If so I also reside in Tennessee.
 
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I can relate to you too my friend your in the right place let me know if you need anything we all enjoy helping fellow addicts.
Your exactly right about how we can never lose that part of our brain once we become addicted we will always be an addict but we can be in recovery it just takes hard work for the rest of your life to stay clean and sober. You can't just say yep I've detoxed I've beat my addiction now that part of my life is in the past you will always need to work at being sober even 20 years clean people still go to A.A. meetings everyday for support.

I've tried to tell this to many addicts on here who are just starting out on drugs and I have never got one to believe me they all say no I have will power I can stop when I need to and there's nothing we can say to them they need to go through it themselves to understand it.

We can watch that ship called addiction sail away and become smaller and less overwhelming as the years go by but it never leaves our sight it just becomes easier to deal with as time goes on but even 20 years later you can still see that little speck of the ship in the distance never fully leaving your sight. If you relapse though the ship returns just like that in full force putting you back at the start where you were 20 year's prior and even worse because you have all that guilt for letting yourself become dependent again after all those years sober.

I was told in AA many times that l will always have this addiction that I can't be a normal recreational user again. I never listened until one day I heard this ship metaphor in AA. By that time i was in and out of detox and I finally accepted that it relates to me. I guess im starting to finally understand my addiction better after almost ten times in detox and 7 years of addiction and being dependent on a drug everyday.
 
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