Fatjosh
Bluelighter
hey everyone, i havent posted much for quite some time, so i guess ill spill the backstory. i came her in mid 2012 i had been addicted to opiates for 4 years and had a pretty substantial habbit of 250-320mg of oxy a day. i felt so much support (especially u herbavore) here and on july 29 i finaly did it. i was so happy i remember telling people that there was nothing they could do to make me mad or sad because i was just sooo happy to have my life back....and i did have my life back for almost exactly one year.
you see i quite not only for me but for my fiance, i wanted to give her a better life and make sure i held nothing above her like drugs. well in june of 2013 my fiance started being very cold to me, which caught me off guard because we had been together almost 6 years and we always had a great relationship some would call it perfect. this all started after her switching to the depo-provera birth control shot which i read after can turn women into raging bitches and has destroyed many marriages. i thought well she stuck with me for years of being an addict i can do 6 months of crazy hormones. but after the first few weeks of being treated like dirt it started to wear on me and the stress from that somehow convinced me that i could be successful at "chipping" or occasional opiate use. so through june as i was being berated and told by my fiance that she did not know if she loved me anymore i began taking opiates here and there on the bad days, which was once or twice a week throughout june and july. i had even made post about me chipping on here and was told i was on a downward spiral and i knew it to so i stopped two weeks into july without much discomfort i was only takin 60-90mg of oxy at night.
so two weeks into my new sobriety i wake up at 9am on august first to find my fiance gone, which alarmed me because <snip> august is the time people try <and fuck me> were going to sleep at 6am. so i got up and asked my parents (yes i still stay with my parents) if they had seen my fiance and my mom said she had been up since 730 and hadnt seen her. now im losing it cause she wont answer my calls and had not mentioned going anywhere. so we look at the phone records and it showed her phone got a call at 7am. so i call the number, it goes to the voicemail of some dude named patrick, when i say the name patrick my cousin chimes in and says " o she didnt tell u her ex bf patrick moved back to town" so there it was all the pieces fit together and my world came crashing down. i kicked her out (only to let her come back a week later) and for the week she was gone my addiction came back with a vengence. now here we are in january and i have been shoving up to 300mg of oxy ir down my throat every night ever since, and while there have been tries at getting sober the emotional pain i feel even now from being cheated on and now having trust issues is making sobriety seem out of grasp but i am still trying. when i got sober in 2012 i took methadone for 4-5 days then went cold turkey. i have no access to methadone right now i have searched hight and low but i was given two 8mg suboxone films by a friend. i took my last dose of oxy sunday night and half a sub 24 hours later on monday, another half yesterday, and i plan to take a half today and a quarter for the next two days befor i go cold turkey. i guess im just here to write this out and hope for a little support its hard to get any from others in my life because nobody knows....
you see i quite not only for me but for my fiance, i wanted to give her a better life and make sure i held nothing above her like drugs. well in june of 2013 my fiance started being very cold to me, which caught me off guard because we had been together almost 6 years and we always had a great relationship some would call it perfect. this all started after her switching to the depo-provera birth control shot which i read after can turn women into raging bitches and has destroyed many marriages. i thought well she stuck with me for years of being an addict i can do 6 months of crazy hormones. but after the first few weeks of being treated like dirt it started to wear on me and the stress from that somehow convinced me that i could be successful at "chipping" or occasional opiate use. so through june as i was being berated and told by my fiance that she did not know if she loved me anymore i began taking opiates here and there on the bad days, which was once or twice a week throughout june and july. i had even made post about me chipping on here and was told i was on a downward spiral and i knew it to so i stopped two weeks into july without much discomfort i was only takin 60-90mg of oxy at night.
so two weeks into my new sobriety i wake up at 9am on august first to find my fiance gone, which alarmed me because <snip> august is the time people try <and fuck me> were going to sleep at 6am. so i got up and asked my parents (yes i still stay with my parents) if they had seen my fiance and my mom said she had been up since 730 and hadnt seen her. now im losing it cause she wont answer my calls and had not mentioned going anywhere. so we look at the phone records and it showed her phone got a call at 7am. so i call the number, it goes to the voicemail of some dude named patrick, when i say the name patrick my cousin chimes in and says " o she didnt tell u her ex bf patrick moved back to town" so there it was all the pieces fit together and my world came crashing down. i kicked her out (only to let her come back a week later) and for the week she was gone my addiction came back with a vengence. now here we are in january and i have been shoving up to 300mg of oxy ir down my throat every night ever since, and while there have been tries at getting sober the emotional pain i feel even now from being cheated on and now having trust issues is making sobriety seem out of grasp but i am still trying. when i got sober in 2012 i took methadone for 4-5 days then went cold turkey. i have no access to methadone right now i have searched hight and low but i was given two 8mg suboxone films by a friend. i took my last dose of oxy sunday night and half a sub 24 hours later on monday, another half yesterday, and i plan to take a half today and a quarter for the next two days befor i go cold turkey. i guess im just here to write this out and hope for a little support its hard to get any from others in my life because nobody knows....
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that or just enjoy your life ♡
.. sorry you are back in the thick of it.. it s rough cycle till we can stay out.. The hormonal changes of certain women on birth control can be severe. I remember A woman I was with for a long time telling me how her x though the birth control pill out the window of a moving car because she was acting so nuts.. of course this came up because she had jut gotten on birth control and I saw an amazing woman turn into something I didn't even recognize.. i was like WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE did my girl go. So anyway condoms suck ass but they are the pearly gates of heaven compared to that and really i dont even have to say my opinion cause that is strait fact as you already know. 
