Welcome To Happy Daze Funny Farm

[TJ]

Every day and every night
I get down on my knees
And praise God for Chuck-
A good old boy

Not so long ago
When I was down and truly stuck
I almost married me
A real live five foot schmuck

"Don't get short with me!"
My parrot used to say
Then so happily with my pet
rooster he would play

I thought my life's destiny
With schmucks and cocks I'd stay
Then abruptly one day

A thunderous display
A Ford Bronco truck crashed
through my window pane

Out did come
A good ol boy drinking rum
The tallest man alive
At least six foot five

Said he, "No time to waste
Let's motivate, make haste
Let's move, make tracks, come on,
Let's scram, let's split,

Let's blow this taco stand,
Let's leave, let's go, do-ce-do,
Stir your stumps, let's blow,

Vacate this joint, let's jam,
Let's go, get out of dodge,
Let's blow, make tracks!"

No time for conversation
Or even short joke cracks
That's how it all begun
Since then my life's been so much fun

Even to this day
When I am down
And feeling gray

I get down on my knees
And then to God I say
Thankyou Lord above

You know how much I love
Every opportunity to say
What's up Chuck?

As tired as he may be
He always lends a hand
Boy would my life suck
Without my homeboy Chuck!

He always wears a big
Shit eaten grin
When on a quest for sin

Whenever he is horny
He passes me a buck
And ever so wickedly he says,
"Come on let's fuck!"

Seems like yesterday
Much to my dismay
No matter what I'd do or say
I couldn't get a lay

I can't tell you which day
A visit to me this prick did pay
Accompanied by dudes
In white coats
And lots of ludes

Said I, "Yo rude dudes
Fucking chill
Relax and take a pill

Go fly a kite
Take a hike
And ditch those "tudes"
Good Christ!"

They looked like one big sphincter
"Come with us," they said
Kicking and screaming
To a white van I was led
Yelled I, "Who the fuck are you?"

And as if on que
Some creepy ornamental said
"My name is Dr. I.Ass Ho
By order of Judge Ito

You get permanent vacation
Go incognito, enjoy sedation
All expenses will be paid
Courtesy of medi-caid."

Good God, oh my
Such a fright
To see those creepy dudes in white

All at once these scary dudes recite
"We're one big happy family
With us you're here to stay
We've come to take you away

Ha ha, he he, ho ho
Welcome to our happy home
We're sure you'll love your stay

At Happy Daze Funny Farm
We always get to play
And scream all night
We never fight
In gibberish we pray."

Oh such a deal
We know you can't conceal
All your excitement and zeal

At Happy Daze we're all a few
fries short
Of a happy meal

Say hello to Mr. I. Ron Steele
He thinks he's a seal
Morning, afternoon, and night
All he does is squeal

He's gone way round the bend
His minds fucked up beyond all mend
He never pays attention
When the orderly says,

"Mr. Steele time to take your meds."
Eee Eee Eee Eee Eee EeeEee
Is all that's ever said
Of what's left inside
Poor Steele's head

Have some dilaudid
In the old carotid
With a gram of thorazine
You always cause a scene

Now he's as limp
As a wet noodle
On a dead pimp

Welcome to the family
Where the best selection struts
Happy Daze Funny Farm
Home for mixed nuts

Life is never dull
For the legally insane
The orderlies and warped MD's
always entertain

Here comes E.T.
Once so happy and carefree
involuntarily had electro shock therapy

He's literally the brightest genius of all time
Too bad he looks worse than over cooked slime
He feels so all alone
Never bothers to phone home

Welcome to our family
We've the finest of staff
Nurse Ratchet is so dedicated
You'll never see her laugh

She's so proud to be
A member of our staff
Her facial expression
Will cut you in half

Meet Sylvester
The child molester
He did not want to go

To the no tell ho tel
Gray Bar from hell
He traded a life time of sodomy
For a complimentary lobotomy

Here comes Norman Bates
He's orderly in charge
He never exaggerates
He's chief psycho at large

Live is really hazy
For the legally crazy
My mind was in a dazy

I went through a stage
A straight jacket phase
And the orderlies coersion
Into group therapy perversion

Golly gee!
Lucky me!
That's how I met orderly Schmuck

One day in bed
As I gave him head
This is what he said,

"Agree to marry me
And I'll set you free
But if you do not do it
I'll get Dr. Pruitt

Your mind he will screw it
You'll end up as dim
As Larry, Moe, and Shim."

That's how I got stuck
Believing that my luck
Would have me marry Mr. Schmuck
Until that is the day I met Chuck

Today I have no rooster
Instead I have a duck
The cock I get today's
The kind that don't make noise

Compared to my ex rooser
This cock has lots of poise
My duck is gay and likes to play
All day with little boys

So many reasons
All through the seasons
I'll always thank God and think
How close I came to permanent
neurologic kink

At night it's God I praise
For all the hell Chuck did raise
At night I rejoice
In a loud and clear voice

If not for him by now
I'd most likely resemble
My ex roommate Jack B. Nimble

Wearing nothing but a blank gaze
That poor bastard stays
Permanently residing at Happy Daze

Halleluya! Praise the Lord!
For my sudden change in luck
Thankyou Jaysus
Thankyou Lord
Thank God for Chuck!

 

[sourlemone]

that was the greatest thing ever man, i totally followed the stream of consciousness. rhyming skill man, i could sense all the changes in rhythm and beat throught the structuring man

peace

 

[TJ]

LOL. Well thankyou so much for your input. I wrote it 6 yrs ago when I got in a silly mood, but it took me a week to write that piece, and every chance she gets, my mom makes a point of saying that in her opinion "that shit" is very bad literature & how no one will take me seriously if I insist on writing "that dumb off the wall stupid cowboy shit." I am open to honest criticism, and realize I have in fact written some way out dumb shit, BUT ma's personal favorite poem ever (NOT) actually took alot of thought and effort. Imitating Elvis, "Anyway thankyou very much."

 

[sourlemone]

my bad i was pretty high when i wrote that. I wouldve used man about three times less too...but seriously dude, any man that can write something as funny and original as that, someone who can take the piss out of himself and not care, who doesn't just stick to writing emotionally sick, angsty crap and finds delight in some kind of self-aware, ironic kitsch form is fuckin a+ in my books. This poem rocks, and don't let your mum tell you otherwise. she's a square, man

 

[TJ]

Cool and the gang. Thanks again for your comments. I did have alot of fun writing that and laughed my ass off at the silliness. One of my quirks not everyone understands. By the way, for the record, I am a chick not a dude. Cheers to you down under.