Luisfernandolt
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2016
- Messages
- 2
I had a panic attack/cannabis-induced psychotic episode, anxiety, hallucinations and nervous breakdown after smoking weed
This happened last year ( early December 2015 so around 3 months) I'll try to be as specific as I can, I've tried not to remember this experience because it was pretty terrifying anyways here I go.
I'm 19 and I don't really smoke a lot of weed but I do smoke weed (only thing I do) I had smoked around 5-6 times i think this was my 7th, so I decided to smoke a fat blunt with my friend, but 30-40 mins before that, I had eaten half of the half of a pot brownie.
At first I was normal high (like everyone anyday) but then it started, first my mind would stay in blank like thinking about nothing, the hallucinations and etc. I was literally insane for about one hour, I thought I was going to die, I thought I was going to die there in my girlfriends shop, I'd imagine my mom suffering crying for me passing away and she getting older by herself that triggered the anxiety and the panic x10 more (even when I think about it now sometimes). I also believe I regressed to my 5-7 year old self, I was seeing myself from outside my body, I experienced lucid dreaming to a point where I saw myself sleeping and snoring, my mind was racing with incredibly manic, crazy thoughts, I was paranoid, I was trembling uncontrollably and I thought I was going into cardiac arrest. I can't stress enough how much it felt like I was both going insane and about to die. It was the scariest experience of my life.
I also would see myself walking to work and then these memories would get interrupted by hallucinations of colorful squares and I'd think about my family in Ecuador and tell myself "am I really part of this family?" "Am I myself?" "Is she my girlfriend?" Like I wouldn't recognize myself I read online and I'm pretty sure I experienced Depersonalization and it is very accurate to what I was experiencing, It felt like this was going to last forever. Not only this, I started having really intense and creative visuals that seemed to perpetuate me into a deeper trance-like state. You know on Windows Media Player, you've got those visualisations to play along with music? Well, my mind was like that, but not just one visualisation; my mind kept changing them. If you go into WMP and look at the 'Alchemy: Random' visualisation: it was mostly like that. Along with this, sitting in the water made me feel like I was floating on air or flying. My mind was creating colourful fireworks.
Thing is, there were also crazy thoughts going along with these sensations...thoughts I could never possibly explain. My mind was travelling back to parts of my childhood thoughts, events that had happened which I NEVER remembered until now...and other things. Agh, it's so hard to explain but everything was telling me that I was about to die. I felt like I was never going to be the same anymore, I would remember my mom, my sister, my grandpa and would "ask myself who are these people?". I'd also think this is how real world actually is, nothing matters here, no money, no social life, just living creatures with no purpose in the universe, these thought were so horrible the more I'd think the more horrible it would become!
I'd breath heavy, I got up (I was seating down) my left leg would start to shake, I went outside the shop and I relaxed for few seconds but after that I felt like I was going more crazy that I was about to take off my clothes and run naked to prove everyone that we were only living mass in the space, but I slowly turned around I went back to the inside of the shop, I felt like I was going to live like this forever I was so afraid so tired of these thought and this experience i was thinking as soon as I get home I'll kill myself because I won't be able to live like these or that I was going to have to go to a mental hospital forever, I started thinking "is this the dark side of weed everyone tries to warn you about?" . Several times I'd tell myself "I have gone and got myself schizophrenic!", and "I'm in the mind of a crazy person!! I'm schizophrenic!!". My girlfriend would ask me if I was ok and I'd wake up out of my trance for few seconds and tell her "yes I'm ok" and go back to my trance.
My mind started to trace every single thought I had back to the ROOT of that thought, which was often found in my childhood. I had so many thoughts in that experience more thoughts that I usually have in one whole week. Anyway, I thought I was insane big time. I thought there was no going back. I was like "Omg, this is what a crazy person feels like... they know something is wrong with them, but they can't control the manic thoughts or their actions they're just trapped there scared just like I am right now" I was really frightened because I thought this couldn't be undone, I was positively sure that I was mental forever. That, and I was about to die.
Horrible colorful hallucinations, I felt like if I'd have had something to harm somebody I'd of have done it because it felt I had no emotions I was afraid I'd harm somebody in some way. I felt separated from the world around me like i was watching the world around me from inside of myself. i had paranoid thoughts that people werent real or that reality itself wasnt real. i had thoughts that the life I was living was just a joke, and that i was creating this whole reality around me. The last thought I had was that how lucky everyone else is how lucky I was before everything happened.
I also thought that these was what people experience when they say "I saw my life going through the my eyes" before they die I thought I was dying but I'd deny this because you can't overdose on weed (you have to smoke your weight 2x) then I'd think that I had already died that I was in the purgatory. That I was in connection with a spiritual world. (All this happened in seconds but felt like minutes)
After so much suffering inside my mind, so many insane thoughts at once, i don't know how But I got up the seat tried to talk to my girlfriend but I'd not speak normally I'd talk but slowly and low. I was going to tell her to call the ambulance because I was going to die and that I was going crazy but I'd remember all these people in online videos who have called the ambulance over weed and I told her "no don't call anybody" she asked me if I wanted to sleep on the coach that is in the back and I said okay, I went to sleep thinking everything is just a bad trip and that when I wake up everything will be okay.
When I was sleep I was still super scare, yesterday same thing, panic attack and all that horrible things. While asleep I was hearing voices luckily I don't remember what they were saying and I said lucky because I remember I was really scared of what they were saying. My girlfriend woke me up hours later, she brought me a burger and I ate it, acting like nothing happened I went home and tried not to think about such terrifying experienced I had just experienced.
Ever since then I've been afraid of weed but after 2 weeks of that happened I smoked on a wax pen at work and I got a little high after 15 mins I started to experience anxiety and that was going to experience the whole thing all over again and that I was going to get fired but since I smoked a little bit only it went off quick, stupid me for doing so, since then I haven't smoked weed at all, I'm afraid I'll go insane forever.
This experience haunts me every now and then I really don't like to remember details because I get scared. I just think weed is not meant for me anymore, NO IT WAS NOT LACED! And no, nobody in my family has any mental illness. I'm not against weed or anything, I love weed but I just can't use it anymore I'm too afraid of it and I've read of people that have experienced this and can't go back to normal, no it was not PCP or other stuff.
I also think ever since then I've had short anxiety experiences (few times maybe 3 since then) and panic attacks (once since then) before that day I never had these experience but is been a long time since my last anxiety episode happened, also I feel like I can give myself anxiety by thinking about something deeply and think until I over think and I start getting anxious I also think this will lead to a panic attack but I'm too afraid to find out so I try not to overthink about stuff.
Has anyone experienced something like this?
This happened last year ( early December 2015 so around 3 months) I'll try to be as specific as I can, I've tried not to remember this experience because it was pretty terrifying anyways here I go.
I'm 19 and I don't really smoke a lot of weed but I do smoke weed (only thing I do) I had smoked around 5-6 times i think this was my 7th, so I decided to smoke a fat blunt with my friend, but 30-40 mins before that, I had eaten half of the half of a pot brownie.
At first I was normal high (like everyone anyday) but then it started, first my mind would stay in blank like thinking about nothing, the hallucinations and etc. I was literally insane for about one hour, I thought I was going to die, I thought I was going to die there in my girlfriends shop, I'd imagine my mom suffering crying for me passing away and she getting older by herself that triggered the anxiety and the panic x10 more (even when I think about it now sometimes). I also believe I regressed to my 5-7 year old self, I was seeing myself from outside my body, I experienced lucid dreaming to a point where I saw myself sleeping and snoring, my mind was racing with incredibly manic, crazy thoughts, I was paranoid, I was trembling uncontrollably and I thought I was going into cardiac arrest. I can't stress enough how much it felt like I was both going insane and about to die. It was the scariest experience of my life.
I also would see myself walking to work and then these memories would get interrupted by hallucinations of colorful squares and I'd think about my family in Ecuador and tell myself "am I really part of this family?" "Am I myself?" "Is she my girlfriend?" Like I wouldn't recognize myself I read online and I'm pretty sure I experienced Depersonalization and it is very accurate to what I was experiencing, It felt like this was going to last forever. Not only this, I started having really intense and creative visuals that seemed to perpetuate me into a deeper trance-like state. You know on Windows Media Player, you've got those visualisations to play along with music? Well, my mind was like that, but not just one visualisation; my mind kept changing them. If you go into WMP and look at the 'Alchemy: Random' visualisation: it was mostly like that. Along with this, sitting in the water made me feel like I was floating on air or flying. My mind was creating colourful fireworks.
Thing is, there were also crazy thoughts going along with these sensations...thoughts I could never possibly explain. My mind was travelling back to parts of my childhood thoughts, events that had happened which I NEVER remembered until now...and other things. Agh, it's so hard to explain but everything was telling me that I was about to die. I felt like I was never going to be the same anymore, I would remember my mom, my sister, my grandpa and would "ask myself who are these people?". I'd also think this is how real world actually is, nothing matters here, no money, no social life, just living creatures with no purpose in the universe, these thought were so horrible the more I'd think the more horrible it would become!
I'd breath heavy, I got up (I was seating down) my left leg would start to shake, I went outside the shop and I relaxed for few seconds but after that I felt like I was going more crazy that I was about to take off my clothes and run naked to prove everyone that we were only living mass in the space, but I slowly turned around I went back to the inside of the shop, I felt like I was going to live like this forever I was so afraid so tired of these thought and this experience i was thinking as soon as I get home I'll kill myself because I won't be able to live like these or that I was going to have to go to a mental hospital forever, I started thinking "is this the dark side of weed everyone tries to warn you about?" . Several times I'd tell myself "I have gone and got myself schizophrenic!", and "I'm in the mind of a crazy person!! I'm schizophrenic!!". My girlfriend would ask me if I was ok and I'd wake up out of my trance for few seconds and tell her "yes I'm ok" and go back to my trance.
My mind started to trace every single thought I had back to the ROOT of that thought, which was often found in my childhood. I had so many thoughts in that experience more thoughts that I usually have in one whole week. Anyway, I thought I was insane big time. I thought there was no going back. I was like "Omg, this is what a crazy person feels like... they know something is wrong with them, but they can't control the manic thoughts or their actions they're just trapped there scared just like I am right now" I was really frightened because I thought this couldn't be undone, I was positively sure that I was mental forever. That, and I was about to die.
Horrible colorful hallucinations, I felt like if I'd have had something to harm somebody I'd of have done it because it felt I had no emotions I was afraid I'd harm somebody in some way. I felt separated from the world around me like i was watching the world around me from inside of myself. i had paranoid thoughts that people werent real or that reality itself wasnt real. i had thoughts that the life I was living was just a joke, and that i was creating this whole reality around me. The last thought I had was that how lucky everyone else is how lucky I was before everything happened.
I also thought that these was what people experience when they say "I saw my life going through the my eyes" before they die I thought I was dying but I'd deny this because you can't overdose on weed (you have to smoke your weight 2x) then I'd think that I had already died that I was in the purgatory. That I was in connection with a spiritual world. (All this happened in seconds but felt like minutes)
After so much suffering inside my mind, so many insane thoughts at once, i don't know how But I got up the seat tried to talk to my girlfriend but I'd not speak normally I'd talk but slowly and low. I was going to tell her to call the ambulance because I was going to die and that I was going crazy but I'd remember all these people in online videos who have called the ambulance over weed and I told her "no don't call anybody" she asked me if I wanted to sleep on the coach that is in the back and I said okay, I went to sleep thinking everything is just a bad trip and that when I wake up everything will be okay.
When I was sleep I was still super scare, yesterday same thing, panic attack and all that horrible things. While asleep I was hearing voices luckily I don't remember what they were saying and I said lucky because I remember I was really scared of what they were saying. My girlfriend woke me up hours later, she brought me a burger and I ate it, acting like nothing happened I went home and tried not to think about such terrifying experienced I had just experienced.
Ever since then I've been afraid of weed but after 2 weeks of that happened I smoked on a wax pen at work and I got a little high after 15 mins I started to experience anxiety and that was going to experience the whole thing all over again and that I was going to get fired but since I smoked a little bit only it went off quick, stupid me for doing so, since then I haven't smoked weed at all, I'm afraid I'll go insane forever.
This experience haunts me every now and then I really don't like to remember details because I get scared. I just think weed is not meant for me anymore, NO IT WAS NOT LACED! And no, nobody in my family has any mental illness. I'm not against weed or anything, I love weed but I just can't use it anymore I'm too afraid of it and I've read of people that have experienced this and can't go back to normal, no it was not PCP or other stuff.
I also think ever since then I've had short anxiety experiences (few times maybe 3 since then) and panic attacks (once since then) before that day I never had these experience but is been a long time since my last anxiety episode happened, also I feel like I can give myself anxiety by thinking about something deeply and think until I over think and I start getting anxious I also think this will lead to a panic attack but I'm too afraid to find out so I try not to overthink about stuff.
Has anyone experienced something like this?
