Weed and alcohol, the only time im passionate about life

[skidoop]

what giVes? when im stoned cold sober i neVer experience the moments of passion and inspiration that I do when I am drunk and/or stoned. During the day when I dont normally indulge, I am OK but there is no fire and no desire. When I get drunk and stoned, I experience strong emotions of wanting to succeed and improVe my life. The catch 22 is that weed, although howeVer enjoyable it is, has had a negatiVe impact on my quality of life since i started using it. Im mentally able to quit weed in the short term without any withdrawals/problems time but some how I am always drawn back to it due to boredom, i guess. Its like a Vicious cycle. Basically, when im intoxicated I want to be sober, and when I'm sober I want to be intoxicated.

Would appreciate insight/feedback.

MODS: feel free to moVe this thread, I tried posting in lounge but that wasn't allowed

 

[addictivepersona]

Lol, your post certainly wouldn't belong in The Lounge.

In all seriousness, if you really do want to advance yourself and live with passion and have inspiration, you're probably going to have to ditch the weed. I was in a similar boat to yours a couple years ago, and I set a date. Well, had a date set for me by enrolling in a community college. Three weeks prior was when I decided to ditch the weed--Two weeks prior was when I ditched everything else I was doing (alcohol, massive amounts of stimulants, whatever I could get my hands on). It took a long time to finally start to feel better, but it happened. I'm still not 100% nearly two years later, but I figure it'll take at least twice as long to recover as it was to be under the influence. :-/

You didn't start doing drugs each and every day overnight--You won't start to feel better about not doing them until you're sober for awhile. What's the longest you've gone without smoking or doing any drugs? Double it. Then take it day by day and see how you feel. If you really truly look at how you feel, you will find you feel significantly better each and every day that goes by. :)

Also, when quitting, it's best to not do "triggering" tasks that might make you want to smoke/drink. For me, that was watching movies. I didn't watch a movie for probably six months after quitting. I just couldn't enjoy them and they made me want to smoke. Also, don't hang out with people who want to get messed up all the time, unless they can be sober with you and not tempt you or talk about doing drugs. ;)

Lastly, good luck. :) Just take it one day at a time.

 

[modern buddha]

^ I couldn't have said that aspect of it any better.

Being passionate is either in your blood or it's not. You have to find something to be passionate about. For me, it's being passionate about living life in the most full way you can, whether you feel like you're doing a lot or not. Also passionate about the Earth, but our relationship isn't publicly expressed. ;P

Being passionate doesn't just mean sexual interest or learning to love someone that you're in a relationship with. It means finding something that you enjoy, yet can be proud to do every day. You might be able to be paid for it, probably not, though. Do it anyway. Do it for you. Do it for your content and live your life as meaningfully as you know how.

 

[Mafioso]

good advice addictive persona.

To the OP, I think I know where you are coming from. I myself have been smoking weed from morning till midnight everyday for the past 3 or so years. It is to the point now where I don't feel comfortable or even don't feel quite like myself when I am not stoned. Much like you, most of the time when I'm sober I just feel anxious, unmotivated, and just a general feeling of boredom or discontent. My family problems seem hopeless and overwhelming and I can't see a solution to any of it. This all changes when I smoke. When I'm stoned its much easier for me to find hope that maybe things could be better. The catch 22 you talk about is that when I'm stoned I lack the actual motivation or skills to carry out when I envision, and when I'm sober I might have the ability but lack the motivation to do so. For example, for about the past year now I have been waking up extremely unhappy and unmotivated. It felt like as soon as I opened my eyes I was flooded with the anxiety of my life, the pressures of my job and so on. I was working a high stress job and trying to make someone out of myself, however I felt like I just couldn't do it sober. So many mornings I was ready to quit, I would smoke a little bowl and just sit there and think for 10-15. In many ways I think it might have helped me keep my job, but it many ways as I look back now I think it might have been the cause of some of the problems in the first place. One obvious example is anxiety and the problems with memory that come along with daily use. Those 2 things alone made my job a million times harder and more stressful. The real problem I began finding myself in is that I just couldn't cope without being stoned. I started finding myself overreacting to things just because I wasn't high, and it was only getting worse.

I still haven't quit weed to be honest. Its been a losing battle for the past 6 months+. If you are in a place where you feel that you can quit without any major withdrawls or problems, DO IT. Seriously man its only going to get worse. I've seen many friends and cousins go down the same road, but the truth of it is that weed wont solve your problems. No matter how much you smoke, how inspired or enlightened you feel, it can not replace daily action. All of my anxieties, boredoms, and so on are the product of my lifestyle. Smoking weed to fix my problems is like washing your car trying to fix a blown motor- its a band-aid that you put on your wound today, a wound that has been festering for years. The longer you let it go, the harder and worse it becomes.

Look at it like this: You are bored or unhappy RIGHT NOW, so you drink and smoke RIGHT NOW, and feel good RIGHT NOW and for however long the drugs last. But what happens when the drugs wear off? You are right back at where you started from. You are treating symptoms, not the problem. The symptoms might be boredom, but the problem is much greater than just an emotion. Deal with the problem, not the symptoms of the problem. If you are bored with your life, you are probably not living up to your potential.

 

[thujone]

what giVes? when im stoned cold sober i neVer experience the moments of passion and inspiration that I do when I am drunk and/or stoned. During the day when I dont normally indulge, I am OK but there is no fire and no desire. When I get drunk and stoned, I experience strong emotions of wanting to succeed and improVe my life. The catch 22 is that weed, although howeVer enjoyable it is, has had a negatiVe impact on my quality of life since i started using it. Im mentally able to quit weed in the short term without any withdrawals/problems time but some how I am always drawn back to it due to boredom, i guess. Its like a Vicious cycle. Basically, when im intoxicated I want to be sober, and when I'm sober I want to be intoxicated.

Would appreciate insight/feedback.

MODS: feel free to moVe this thread, I tried posting in lounge but that wasn't allowed

Don't want; do. Deep down you know exactly what you need do to improve your life now but your mind is probably as full of fuck as mine was a few years ago when I had the same problems. Pour all your mental chaos out onto paper and spend a few hours organizing it and categorizing it by what's most important to you. Set some short-term goals that support a long-term goal you have in mind. Even if you have a lot of shit you'd love to get into, it's important to remember you can either do one thing at a time and do everything well or try and do a bunch of shit at once and be left with just as much chaos and failure.

Organization is key because it makes taking action infinitely easier. All you need is a bit of honest desire and the organization to know which foot goes in front of the other, and success is just a natural consequence of it. It's like Aristotle said:

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.

 

[skidoop]

Thanks for the responses.

What's the longest you've gone without smoking or doing any drugs? Double it. Then take it day by day and see how you feel. If you really truly look at how you feel, you will find you feel significantly better each and every day that goes by. :)

I quit alcohol, weed and cigarettes cold turkey for 3 months straight after new years last year. Then felt like I deserVed a beer and from there started drinking regularly, mostly by myself and eVentually started smoking weed again. I I eVen relapsed on tobacco after oVer a year of quitting because I smoked a few weed/tobacco spliffs with friends and got hooked again. That is a huge regret, but I know I can easily quit again. I can can haVe long periods of mental endurance, but once I relapse on weed I slowly reVert back to my degenerate type behaVior. I guess quitting weed once and for all is something I need to come to terms with.

 

[CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT]

I think I will move this to The Dark Side. OP, you will get some excellent support over there from people going throug similar experiences.

Best of luck with your journey.

 

[skidoop]

Thanks mod, I'd appreciate any input from any new eyes.

 

[addictivepersona]

I quit alcohol, weed and cigarettes cold turkey for 3 months straight after new years last year. Then felt like I deserVed a beer and from there started drinking regularly, mostly by myself and eVentually started smoking weed again. I I eVen relapsed on tobacco after oVer a year of quitting because I smoked a few weed/tobacco spliffs with friends and got hooked again. That is a huge regret, but I know I can easily quit again. I can can haVe long periods of mental endurance, but once I relapse on weed I slowly reVert back to my degenerate type behaVior. I guess quitting weed once and for all is something I need to come to terms with.

I agree that it appears you need to quit weed once and for all. That's what I had to do. And you know what? Two years later, I don't really miss it. The pros of sobriety greatly outweigh the cons in my opinion. Sure, I miss it every once in awhile, but there's not much I can do to obtain it--My only connection knows I quit and respects that, so I doubt he would buy any for me. My other connects have long since dried up. Have you considered cutting your ties with the people who provide you with these drugs? And while I know it's not a person, avoid the liquor section of the grocery store if at all possible.

 

[ihatepipes]

what giVes? when im stoned cold sober i neVer experience the moments of passion and inspiration that I do when I am drunk and/or stoned. During the day when I dont normally indulge, I am OK but there is no fire and no desire. When I get drunk and stoned, I experience strong emotions of wanting to succeed and improVe my life. The catch 22 is that weed, although howeVer enjoyable it is, has had a negatiVe impact on my quality of life since i started using it. Im mentally able to quit weed in the short term without any withdrawals/problems time but some how I am always drawn back to it due to boredom, i guess. Its like a Vicious cycle. Basically, when im intoxicated I want to be sober, and when I'm sober I want to be intoxicated.

Would appreciate insight/feedback.

MODS: feel free to moVe this thread, I tried posting in lounge but that wasn't allowed

I know exactly what you are talking about because I experience the same things just different substances (benzos and opiates). If I get up in the morning and dose enough to where I know I will get a positive mood change I am so much more productive that day. However, this is not really sustainable for 2 reasons

1. because no doctor is going to prescribe benzos and opiates to me because I tell him/her that cleaning my house/writing a paper for school is so much easier when I am euphoric, and

2. What do I do when I am taking rohypnol (sp? couldn't remember chemical name) and fentanyl? There is not really much farther you can go down that path anyway because you are already pretty much taking the strongest drugs available. Once you get to this point I would say that there is very little if not any euphoria experienced at all.

The same can be said for alcohol and weed. You can only drink so much and smoke so much before these things stop having the positive effects you described and you are left with nothing but physical and psychological addiction.

You, as well as myself must find a way to get excited about life without drugs because the "honeymoon phase" goes by rather quickly. After that you are just maintaining, and struggling to maintain is almost absolutely inevitable.

Hopefully one of us can figure out a solution to this problem and the answers offered in this thread may help both of us out.